If you see me at supermarkets wolfing down free snacks handed out by smiling salesgirls, it is because I am trying to pay off my credit card bills. The best way to get a free meal is to pick the time of the day when the place is crowded and there is a sale going on, then you don’t get noticed.

Just one more tip: Do not feel shy because of the surveillance cameras. They are there only in case you try to save more money and start shoplifting.

Yesterday, I managed to get a cup of coffee, munched on cheese snacks and drank umpteen tiny thimbles of fruit juice, all without paying a fil. For the coffee, I had to come back to the girl’s stall from various directions, stop for a moment and pretend I am seeing her for the first time.

“Hmmm, coffee, smells nice,” I said again and again, as I looked longingly at the cup.

Luckily for me, there is nothing remarkable about my face; it is an average type of face, so it is easy for me to blend into a crowd and come back to the salesgirl who has the free goodies without being recognised.

Once my wife and I were passing each other in a shopping aisle after an hour of shopping and she looked up at me and had a puzzled expression on her face — as if she knew me from before, but could not place from where she knew me. “Oh, it’s you,” she said looking back, after we had passed each other.

Another tip is that you should not just take something the salesgirl is offering and start gulping it down. You have to show interest in the product she is advertising.

If you show a little kindness to the sales persons who have been standing on their feet for hours, and chat them up a little, you will even get a cup of coffee or a snack to take away. Sometimes I tell them I need a second helping for my wife who is somewhere in the detergent and poison aisle. Of course, you should never buy the product she is selling as that defeats the whole purpose of this exercise about saving money.

If you own a suit and some garishly-coloured ties, you can even get a free meal at a five-star hotel. One important tip is to never let the parking valet park your car in case you have to leave in a hurry. At these dinners, you do not have to worry about conversation and small chit-chat. You shake hands with the greeter at the entrance and head straight for the buffet, pile up your plate, count the calories to check how long you can last on this food, pick a table and start eating.

Another important tip is that you never try getting a free lunch, as most of the time these are business lunches, everyone knows each other and there will be serious discussions going on. Always try for a free meal at the more relaxed and safer dinner time.

I also looked at my mobile phone bill and decided that I will never call anyone anymore. I was paying like Dh82 for local calls alone and found that I was also exceeding my data limit of 500MB.

I called the salesperson at my service provider and told her to downgrade my package to the more reasonable Dh79 and she started to sob, telling me I shouldn’t do that.

If you are going to be cheap, you have got to be strong and unrelenting. I have found that one good way to save money on phone bills is to only make missed calls!

I now always give a missed call to my wife.