Giving is more satisfying than receiving, it was reported recently. Spending money on someone else makes you feel good. That is apparent in our family, where, for the best part of the last three decades, we had been the only ones who had not travelled much and had not encountered global temptations — and were therefore the ones whom everyone else brought novelties for.
Thus, we were at the receiving end when each member of our family made their annual pilgrimage home from abroad — obviously, they got immense satisfaction out of showering us with crockery, baking ware, ornaments and all manner of household items that we would never have bought for ourselves since they were totally out of our reach.
When we had accumulated enough for a couple of generations down the line, we tried to call a halt to the largesse. “We have half-a-dozen stainless steel cutlery sets! No more,” we pleaded. “It’s difficult to keep track of them. Each time, we spend hours trying to sort them out according to their design before we put them away.”
Promptly, the next time around, in acknowledgement of our sentiments, we were presented with use-and-throw plastic sets of cutlery and other accompaniments. “See, now it is so easy!” we were told. “You don’t need to wash up and count every fork and spoon to make sure each set is complete. Just dump them all in the dustbin after use!”
Easy? Not at all!
How does any householder of our generation — that actually witnessed the entry of plastic into the market — get rid of beautiful bright red plastic cutlery when it has been used only once? It is just not possible! In fact, we restricted the use of that set to days when there was something else that was red on the menu — maybe a curry with an extra dash of chili or a bright jelly that matched — and then we carefully washed it and stored it away. Along with other throw-away items — plastic plates, glasses, sauce boats, table runners, all thoughtfully provided for our annual ‘do’.
Soon the gifts we had received overflowed our shelves. Most of them were just too beautiful to be spread out — imagine using that green lace tablecloth on a daily basis and allowing curry and porridge to soil it beyond salvaging!
And could we bear to see hair oil stains and grease marks on the hand-embroidered cushions on our sofas or the whiter-than-white and lighter-than-air bedspread? Wouldn’t it be better to make do with our comfortably worn-out old things for a while and keep all that special stuff for a special occasion?
In time, making do with what we had became a habit — and when the givers of all those gorgeous gifts visited annually, what did they see? Here — still — were our slightly frayed cushion covers; there — still — our threadbare towels that had been acquired before the birth of our 26-year-old; in between — still — the bedspreads and curtains that had seen better days ... while our cupboards bulged with beauteous pieces — all waiting for an occasion important enough for them to be displayed!
Lips were pursed in disappointment and arms were folded in grim judgement — and no amount of going through the cupboards to prove that old gifts remained intact made those givers crack a smile.
So, what happened next?
The givers changed their tack.
Once they registered that whether they brought us a tin or a tonne of chocolates, it disappeared in about the same amount of time, perishables began to come our way. Cheese, dry fruits, meat, sweetmeats filled our larder until it — and we — bulged to bursting point.
Obviously there is no end to giving and receiving. Though, in our branch of the family, it is receiving and receiving ...
Cheryl Rao is a journalist based in India
