Is there one person whom you can trust completely, who will never let you down and who isn’t family?

I am fortunate to have some friends who tick all the right boxes. We might not meet very often (even if we live in the same city), but when we do, the threads are picked up effortlessly. There are no snags or unravelling that have to be attended to. These are the people with whom you can be yourself and not worry that any confidences shared will immediately be relayed to others.

This is in itself rare in today’s world where we constantly weigh our words and think before we speak. Spontaneity is not the order of the day.

Often someone comes up to me and says in hushed tones that they have something to tell me. But first I am asked to take an oath of secrecy. My immediate reaction is, “If you don’t trust me, don’t tell me”. What the person doesn’t realise that his or her need (to spill the beans) is greater than mine. Since I haven’t a clue about what this astonishing tidbit is all about, I am fine with remaining uninformed.

However, the few times I have told the person, who is literally bursting with news, exactly how I feel about his or her confidence in my trustworthiness, the person has no choice but to go ahead and tell me anyway. One can view this as a vote of confidence, but more often than not, it is a case of the bearer of secrets being unable to resist passing on information revealed by an unidentified source.

Very often, one learns later that the same informant had spilt the beans to a select few and each of them had been told that he or she was the only one to whom the secret was revealed. This false reassurance aims to make the listener feel he or she is the only one who can be trusted. However, from my experience, this is also a ploy to sound out another on how much he or she knows. It soon becomes a game of one-upmanship. The person to whom the latest news is relayed may already be in the know, but will feign ignorance to see how far (and far-fetched) this version of events will go.

There are some who start a supposed confidence with “Between you and I”. Here you need to read between the lines and add the words “And a few others as well whom I thought worthy of my trust”.

So, when someone asks me: “What’s the latest news?” I shrug and respond with, “Why don’t you tell me?”

But if the friend is one of those true-blue ones mentioned at the beginning of this piece, then they are the ones who will come through for you any time you need support or need to be told where you are going wrong. Some of these pals have often been my sounding board and even if I don’t always follow their advice, I am grateful for the chance to let off steam and, sometimes, even have my worst fears confirmed.

Friends like these are anything but toadies. They let you know when you’ve done something wrong or made bad choices. However, their criticism is easier to take than that given by anyone else. Perhaps that’s because you know that you’re not being judged, but that their reaction is born out of genuine concern for your well-being.

In Albert Camus’ words: “Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead; don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”

So, if you want to be a true friend, just be there for me.