Following the recent report of a 14-year-old who jumped to her death after being scolded for getting a warning letter from school, we had a Facebook discussion on the issue (‘Teen jumps to her death from 17th floor of JLT tower,’ Gulf News, February 17). We asked readers: “In order to stay ahead of the game, are students being pushed too hard? Why do you think many students are taking drastic steps like committing suicide? What factors put students in situations where they don’t see any alternative but to take their own lives? How do you think this issue should be dealt with?” Readers had mixed opinions — some believe that it’s the parents and teachers who need to be more friendly with their children and others feel that nowadays, students don’t know how to cope with pressure. We present a selection of their views.
Factors leading to suicide
I guess constant bullying by peers, humiliation by the teachers and lack of communication with parents are the main factors that force some students to end their lives.
From Ms Jenni Tomoling
Dubai
Let it out
I think everyone needs a let-out channel. It could be an interest in extra curricular activities like sports and arts, or it may as well be a healthy relationship if that’s the factor lacking in a teenager’s life. The culture I come from gives a lot of importance to academic achievements and pressurises students to stay ahead of the game.
It goes up to a point that students studying to become doctors and engineers are not involved or aware of current affairs; neither do they have a hobby like music, art and poetry. Our culture does not place much value on areas that are not academic. This is bound to put pressure on students who may not be capable of academic success, but may be brilliant in other areas. Also, as an earlier comment pointed out, these days there is a lack of interaction between parents and children. This is very unhealthy and tends to compound the problem.
From Ms Saman Urooj Zeeshan
UAE
False guidance
Somehow, today, scolding or even strongly advising children is considered wrong. Psychologists, counsellors and media always say that children should be dealt with softly. Teachers are not supposed to be strict with students. With such pampered upbringing, how can we expect youngsters to be strong enough to accept mistakes, failures and criticisms? Teenagers have become very weak mentally - they are unable to accept what life has to bring. This is why they take drastic steps like suicide. When this happens, then again the psychologists, counsellors and media blames parents and teachers for it. Parents and teachers must be given the upper hand in bringing up their children. No parent would want their child to fall prey to social evils. Of course, a friendly nature is required with teenagers, but strict measures are also a necessity sometimes. Media portraying a lavish party life as a requirement for teenagers is wrong and should be controlled.
From Ms Yousufa Mohamed
Dubai
Someone to talk to
In my opinion, the problem is not only the pressure the students face but also the fact that they have no one and no place to let out their stress. Everything is about competition. With working parents at home, teenagers hardly spend an hour or two with them. This hour is usually spent talking about the day and discussing what needs to be fixed. There is no time for detailed discussions where children can reason out their feelings. I have a teenage sibling and I know that this is a common problem that she and her friends face. I remember as a child I would just go all out and play football or go to the gym when I was stressed, but in the UAE, students just don’t have the time for it.
From Ms Shireen K.
Abu Dhabi
Compelled to cheat
The education system has to change. The entire concept of marks, grades and exams should change. Practical and subjective learning must be divided. For many students, exams simply mean mugging up. Yes, basic education is a must, but honestly how many of the subjects that we learnt in school do we apply in daily life? Practical education is easy and can be used on a daily basis. Beyond this, not all students are A-graders and we all need to understand that. The focus is wrong. There is so much focus on getting good grades that it often convinces students to cheat in exams. Often, this is done to please their parents. Parents often compare their children to others, who they say are better than them, and this creates a huge complex in the naïve minds of children. This begins to distance children from their parents.
It makes them feel that they are not good enough. While we consider parents more mature than children, they often fail to counsel them correctly. Children find parents strict and unapproachable; they share a better bond with their friends who are equally immature.
They feel helpless and suffocated. They feel lonely and defeated. It doesn’t just stop at parents — teachers and tutors just keep going on about scoring high. This is followed by social pressure. I can go on writing, but I hope people get my point. We need to change.
From Mr Preston Viegas
UAE
Counselling sessions
There must be a counselling session in schools every six months or so, telling students that studies are just a preparation towards life and not the end of the world. Life has many other things to offer. I would say parents must also engage in such sessions.
From Mr Ansar Khadri
Dubai
Look into it
The fact that the school sent a letter to the parents was in order to inform them about what is happening in their child’s life. It was to keep parents involved in their own child’s life. Nowadays, in general, children do not get the required attention and time. Everyone is just focused on making money. If parents do not devote required time to their children, it’s not going to work out.
From Mr Avinash Jayaprakash
UAE
Don’t force them
I know a child who was forced into the best medical school to become a doctor. She did it. After graduating, i.e. spending seven years in the field, she told her parents that she wanted to study something else and dropped out of her medical profession. I know another child who forcefully studied medicine. She couldn’t say no to her parents. In her last year, she was stressed up to a point where she lost her mental balance. She is still recovering. It is the parents’ duty to encourage children, but not to force them. Counsellors in educational institutions must encourage students to pursue their own goals and dreams. When I was a teenager, I did not know what exactly I wanted to study. Parents should give suggestions in such situations, but not force their own dreams on their children. This will ruin things for both parents and children.
From Ms Natasha Clemmensen
Dubai
Don’t be bossy
Parents need to be friends with their children. Believe me, it helps a lot when we as parents are open-minded and can have healthy conversations with our children. I have two daughters: one is 10 years old and the other is 21. They share everything with me, from what happens at work and school to their boyfriends. My only advice is, don’t be bossy – be a friend to your child.
From Ms Babitha Vasanth
UAE
Too much pressure
There is way too much pressure on students. Being a top achiever, I have seen the way those who are not at the top suffer. They put way too much pressure on themselves. A stress test on a couple of students in our school recently showed 40-85 per cent stress levels among students.
Often, teachers and parents paint a dark picture of life for those who don’t do well in school. This might be right for those who are lazy, but not for those who are talented in other fields but just not interested in academics or a particular subject. Sometimes students are not only pushed mentally, but also physically to achieve way beyond what they can. This comes as part and parcel of the current education system.
From Mr Abdul M. Yousuf
UAE
Love and care
Most of the time, children lack family advice and ties. Constant bonding between the family to ensure they share love and care is a must.
From Mr Nhelson Mamorno
Dubai
More to it…
I don’t think students commit suicide just because their parents reprimand them about their home work. There’s more to it.
From Mr Jonathan Gregas
UAE
Difficult to cope
Today’s generation is pushed not only by parents but by society, as it is constantly developing new standards and this is making it difficult for students to cope. Society and the media showcase all these standards and unless you have it all, you are doomed to fail. This pressure is forcing students into taking drastic measures. I believe that parental support is important. However, much more important is the responsibility of teachers to educate students and point them in the direction that is right for them rather than stereotyping and assuming that everyone fits the standard. It is vital for teachers to tailor their treatment according to each and every student as what works for one student, may turn out to be a disaster for another.
The main factor is that today’s youth have so many expectations to fulfil and when they cannot keep up with it, they fall back and start comparing themselves with the typical norm and that is when the issue starts. With that in mind, we need to educate not only the young but parents and teachers as well.
Being mainstream does not define success. Instead, emphasise individuality because at the end of the day my definition of success might be your definition of failure.
Elizabeth McDonald
Hatta
Expectations are must
It’s not only the children, even parents have been through the same age where they were expected to deliver. Expectations are always there. It’s impossible to succeed without expectations. Being satisfied with life stops one from growing and improving. Children ought to understand their responsibility and they have to face the competition in today’s world. Also, parents only push children to an extent that they know their children can stretch up to. This will only benefit children in the longer run.
From Ms Mala Anil
UAE
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