If you take Benjamin Franklin at his word, death is coming. The good and the bad, the young and the old, the in-the-middle: As far as we know, none will live forever. The idea of an eventual death is something that was widely accepted as “true” long ago, but like many things, it must be updated to suit the modern day. It’s time to accept that when death does come for us, it will be at the hand of our smartphones.
And isn’t that comforting? To know for sure? Hm? Last Wednesday, a reddit user uploaded an image of an exploded iPhone 7 to the content-sharing website, which the Daily Dot picked up on Thursday.
The phone, the user claimed, was pre-ordered by a co-worker and had exploded in its packaging before arrival.
The story of the exploded iPhone 7, currently and perhaps forever unverified, spread quickly, coasting on the incredible explosion success of Samsung’s recalled Galaxy Note 7.
But is the story true? Is the image to be believed? Did the iPhone 7 really explode in its packaging before it got to the Reddit user’s co-worker? Will the truth’s eventual unveiling damage the iron-clad credibility of reddit users across the world (and their co-workers) — or will it simply reinforce it? At this time, we can’t say for sure.
One thing we can say for sure, however, is that one day, we will die at the hand of our smartphones and that is a fact. It’s a fitting death: Death by smartphone. What used to kill people? Horses, probably, or buggies.
Maybe some sort of animal. Pottery. Not having a smartphone probably caused a number of ancient deaths. And if “not having a smartphone” is the way we’re going to describe the state of those who came before us, “yes having a smartphone” and “dying at its hand” are ways to describe us, in the modern day, with which I am more than comfortable. This is how we will be remembered.
Stately and refined: Yes, having a smartphone, dying at its hand. Unlike what you might think, the way we will die by smartphone will not vary. At least not by much. Sure, there will be those who follow a smartphone game off a cliff, or walk into traffic looking at a map, or lie down on the ground, close their eyes and refuse to ever get up again because of Twitter. But the rest of us will die when our phones explode.
“How did he die?” you can imagine someone in the future asking. “Just kidding,” they’ll say. “I know.” You’re probably wondering why don’t we just stop using smartphones, then, if they’re going to kill us when they explode. A good question, if naive. I’ll tell you why.
We can’t stop using smartphones, first of all, because that’s where we keep stuff and how we know things and the way we talk to people, and second of all, we have to die somehow. We’ve already discussed this.
Can you think of a better way to end your life than dying at the hand of your friend, smartphone? Hmm? Cancer, not to be insensitive? A cop, not to be political? Something else, to have a third?
The options are not good.
— Guardian News & Media Ltd
Kelly Conaboy is a Brooklyn-based writer. She was formerly senior editor of Videogum and staff writer at Gawker.
