There was frenzied activity in the house as S. prepared for the arrival of her beloved grandchildren from the United States. She was aware that the parents were fussy about their young ones, so she was prepared to go all out to make their short stay at her home in India as memorable as possible.
Knowing that one of her grandsons had an allergy problem, the two cats, who were her husband’s pets, were to be homed elsewhere for that period. To ensure a sterile environment, she called in professional cleaners who ensured the house was spotlessly clean.
When I heard this, I wondered what all the fuss was about. After all, she kept a neat and clean home and I didn’t see the need to go to all this trouble. Perhaps she was clairvoyant because when the family arrived, one of the kids had an allergy attack. It was just one of those things that unfortunately happened in her house. The child had had similar episodes even back in the US. But to the parents, this was an ominous sign. The house wasn’t safe for their children and, only two days into their trip home, they decided to change their tickets and book an earlier flight home.
Her anguish and pain at the decision was understandable. All the plans she had made for family outings and getting to know her grandchildren better and spending time with them had gone up in smoke. She tried to make the young parents see reason, but they were determined to leave.
Hearing about this, I recalled many similar incidents of grandparents eagerly looking forward to a rare visit from their grandchildren and the trouble they took to ensure their stay was as comfortable as possible. No expense was spared as they went about making foolproof arrangements. Those who still hadn’t progressed to air conditioners from air coolers, proceeded to upgrade their facilities. Those coming from distant shores must never feel ‘deprived’ of the creature comforts they are used to, they told themselves.
However, I feel that children need to build their immunity and not be wrapped in cotton wool. Make sure that the water they drink is safe, by all means, but bending over backwards to ensure that they do not fall ill during their stay and take back not-so-nice memories of their grandparents’ home is going too far. Let them relive some of the experiences that their parents had when they were young by not restricting them too much.
Their stay is supposed to be an enjoyable time for all and the purpose is defeated if all one does while they are here is worry about their health and the possibilities of getting hurt. A bruised knee or a scraped hand isn’t going to kill them. Think back to your own children who had their fair share of cuts and bruises.
I do understand that grandparents feel a heightened sense of anxiety and it is up to their children to assure them that they are aware that the grandchildren’s safety is a top priority.
However, they should enjoy the stimulating company of young ones without feeling burdened by the thought that they are solely responsible for their safety.
Over the years, I have seen many instances of ‘grandparenting’. There are those who take a step back and let the parents do the disciplining and setting of rules. They will do the fun things that parents often don’t have time for, such as reading bedtime stories or taking them for walks in the garden or neighbourhood, retracing the paths they trod many years ago with another set of kids.
My advice would be to ensure an anxiety-free holiday by holding back just a little and making sure that you have enough outside interests that will help you fill the gap when they are no longer there.
