How to identify a bully?
Dr Tara Wyne, clinical director of Lighthouse Arabia and Carey Kirk, professional counsellor, identifies the danger signs.
• Siblings often provide the first indicator of bullying behaviour – does your child have negative interactions with his/her siblings?
• When playing in a group, are other children hesitant and timid around your child?
• Do you notice your child being verbally abusive or calling other children names?
• When a friend falls down, does your child fail to sympathise and help him/her up?
• Do they get angry very quickly and spoil the game or refuse to listen to any suggestion on which game should be played?
• Do you see your child get easily frustrated if they are given a task that they find difficult?
Tip: When your child interacts in a play group, make an effort to observe their behaviour. If they are rude and aggressive, talk to them about why their behaviour is wrong and how it would hurt their friends.
Girls and boys, typically, engage in different kinds of bullying. Girls engage in more relational bullying – making nasty remarks or trying to push another girl towards social isolation, while with boys, bullying is more often exhibited as physical aggression.
Are there stages to bullying?
1. Observation
The first stage is of observation, where the bully tries to identify easy targets within his/her environment.
“Generally they target those who have a more anxious temperament, are less assertive or look different — may be they have a different way of dressing or a different accent,” Kirk said.
2. Taking the first step
Once they have identified potential victims, there is the phase of ‘testing the ground’.
“They’ll nudge them, walk into them or tease them. If they get a rise out of that child and there are no consequence attached to it - the child remained passive and didn’t tell a teacher or parent - then it is established that this is a good target and I can get my dominance or control or my aggressive instincts out here,” Dr Wyne said.
3. Becoming a bully
The fact that there were no consequences is crucial in encouraging a child to conitnue his/her bullying habits.
“That’s what’s important – no consequences - because then it will more than likely diversify from verbal to physical abuse, and then from in the school to on the way back home to cyber bullying,” Dr Wyne said.
Are some children just born bullies?
“You can naturally be easily frustrated and impulsive and more aggressive. But not all those children will bully because they are brought up with assertive boundaries and good discipline. Of course discipline means teaching, not hitting. It means talking about rules, other’s rights and developing empathy,” Kirk said.
However, if a child is naturally aggerssive and impulsive and also fails to receive a warm and disciplined home environment, the chances of becoming a bully significantly increase.
