It’s that time of the year when you throw out the old and welcome the new. It’s when we prepare our list of resolutions even though they are very likely to fall by the wayside a few weeks or, at best, a couple of months into the new year.
However, we found four Friday readers who made a promise to themselves to change their lives for the better in some way, and have been able to do it in less than 12 months.
While one got rid of her obsession for clutter, another gave up smoking, one young man gave up binge eating while the fourth decided to lose his extra weight and improve his stamina.
Their stories are not only motivational, but proof that if you are determined, you can realise your dreams. We’ve asked some experts for their advice on how to keep some common resolutions.
“I cut the clutter”
Amanda*, a Dubai resident, appeared to have it all. Her husband was a successful professional, they lived in a lovely villa in one of the poshest areas of Dubai and she could always be seen shopping in fashionable boutiques and department stores. But that last one was the problem – Amanda was a shopaholic and a clutter addict.
She had an irrational desire to stock up on just about everything she felt she would need. Apart from buying clothes, shoes and bags for herself almost every day, she’d purchase enough groceries for a family of ten, when the only other person in her house was her husband. Her monthly shopping bill often topped Dh40,000.
“I simply couldn’t resist picking up a product if it was new on the shelves, even though I might have the same thing at home,’’ admits Amanda. “I couldn’t discard what I didn’t want.’’
Every time her husband raised the topic of clearing out the unwanted stuff, Amanda stonewalled it, and when he insisted, she would get emotional.
It all came to a head when she did a cursory budget calculation early this year, and found that she had run up a bill of more than Dh308,500 the previous year buying stuff, a lot of which was never used.
“For the first time, it set off alarm bells,’’ she says. “This habit of buying and hoarding stuff began maybe three years ago, and I felt I had to do something, as my clutter addiction had gone beyond sanity. Seeing the amount I spent in just one year was the trigger that made me realise I had to stop,” she says.
She tried limiting her purchases for a month, “but the need to buy was just too strong,’’ she says. Realising she needed to seek professional help, she called clinical psychologist Dr Andrea Tosatto at the Synergy Medical Centre, Dubai (www.synergyctrdubai.com).
“Hoarding is a characteristic almost all of us have in some form,’’ says Dr Tosatto. “It stems from a feeling of emptiness, and when this happens, we look for compensation outside.
“It could also be due to fear that you could discard something that you might need in the future, which forces such people to hold on to everything they have, even if it is of no use to them.’’
In Amanda’s case, the need to hoard stemmed from the perceived emptiness in her life, perhaps because she didn’t have any children. She was seeking relief in hoarding things such as clothes, shoes, and consumables like biscuits and ice cream.
“In its extreme form, clutter is an OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), and to address the problem, we need to look at the underlying psychological issues that trigger it.
“Hoarding becomes a problem if it interferes with your normal functions at home. For example, when cabinets and wardrobes are full to the brim,’’ says the Dr Tosatto.
“One of first things I told her to do was, if she wanted to buy something expensive, first write down the reason she needed it, then read it half an hour later. This would give her the time to reflect on whether she really needs the article.
“I also told her to refrain from impulsive buying. Even if you love something in a shop and feel committed to buy, force yourself to step out of the shop and return later.’’
Dr Andrea also told her to make a list of things she had and then match it with people who needed it more than her. “I then told her to give those things away,’’ he says.
The going was not easy. “I used to cry before I could get myself to discard something,” admits Amanda. “It was very difficult. I used to be wracked by guilt whenever I discarded something, but Dr Andrea’s counselling helped a great deal.’’
Amanda has now been declared free of this obsession, after six months of hard work. Her home is now a clean, open space, all excess stuff has been disposed off and Amanda’s also drastically cut down on her binge buying. “My bills are more reasonable now,’’ she says. “They are less than a quarter of what they used to be.’’
Andrea’s tips to prevent hoarding
1. Forgive yourself. You might have made an error of judgment in a situation that you regret, but do not hold that against yourself.
2. Insecurity is a major reason for people falling into the trap of clutter, as they feel by surrounding themselves with the comfort of clutter, they will not feel afraid. Find out the reasons for your insecurity or seek the help
of a professional to get rid of your fears.
3. Engage yourself in activities that give you
joy and satisfaction.
4. Set reasonable goals that you are likely to meet with reasonable efforts from your side. When fulfilled, it will give you great personal satisfaction and allay your insecurity.
5. Try not to get overly attached to stuff.
“I gave up food bingeing’’
Dubai-based Nick Roberts, who owns a design and gifts company, wanted to change his lifestyle. At 1.9 metres, the 31-year-old tipped the scales at 153kg early this year.
“Blame it on my love for food – correction, junk food – but I began piling on the pounds
as a teenager and while in college,’’ he says.
“I could gobble down a pizza, a burger and a couple of chocolate bars in one sitting. I was also a lover of takeaways. While in college, I would wait for my parents to retire for the night, then order Chinese food or pizza, so my parents were not aware of my food habits.’’
But all the junk food soon began telling on his health. “By my late 20s, my trouser size ballooned from 34 to a ridiculous 42. I was also lethargic all the time. There were occasions when I felt bad about it, but I just couldn’t stop myself from ordering in every night.’’
Then one day in March this year, Nick fell ill after one of his binges. “I was really sick,’’
he says. “That day was a turning point, so to speak, because I decided I needed to take control of my life.’
He did a bit of online research and found out about Carole Holditch’s Good Eating Habits class and enrolled on March 17. “It’s probably the best thing I’ve ever done,’’ he says.
Carole does not believe in fad diets. “I believe in promoting balanced eating habits,’’ she says.
The first thing Nick was told to do was eliminate fizzy drinks from his diet. Next went cakes and sweets – empty calories. “I was told to include a lot of vegetables, proteins
and carbohydrates, with healthy fats such as nuts and avocado in my diet,’’ he says
The very first week after following her diet plan, Nick lost about 4kg. “That really motivated me and I felt I could get my body in better shape soon.’’
He admits it was not easy. “The good thing is that Carole tells us there is no forbidden food, only that we must eat our favourite food in moderation. We are not supposed to completely ignore our cravings. If I feel like having pizza, I have just one slice and that helps me stay centred,” says Nick.
Carole, who designed the good food habits programme, says we must not flog ourselves for bingeing. “We’ve all binged, whether it’s because we were bored, hungry, or even upset, this is a human reaction. After a binge, you are likely to feel guilty, anxious or depressed. But don’t worry too much about that. Instead
move on, and promise not to repeat it.’’
A couple of months into the diet, Nick felt a lot better. “I lost the feeling of lethargy. Wanting to improve my stamina, I joined a physical training class with Wayne Lambert.
Within eight months, he lost 34kg, and is now looking forward to dropping an additional 20kg to get close to the ideal body weight for his height.
“I weigh 119kg now and am resolved on continuing to eat right and losing all the
extra kilos in the next four months,” he says.
Carole’s tips to control your food binges
1. Realise that one binge won’t make you gain loads of weight. If you’ve done it, big deal. Move on. Only promise yourself not to do it again.
2. Identify the times when you binge on foods. What could be triggering the binge? Are you bored, lonely, tired, anxious?
Look at ways of dealing with your emotions. If you are tired, take a nap; feeling down, take a brisk walk to boost serotonin levels; lonely, ring a friend, make plans to get together and give yourself something to look forward to.
Plan to keep yourself busy if you know certain times you struggle with cravings.
3. Document the feelings that you experience whenever you feel an urge to binge. Identifying the feelings is key to overcoming the triggers that bring on these feelings.
4. Going for long periods without eating causes your blood-sugar levels to drop and increases the desire for sweet and sugary foods. Look around for healthier versions of the foods you crave – chocolate covered raisins instead of a chocolate bar, perhaps.
5. If you’re overweight, aim for a weight loss
of one to two pounds per week and no more.
6. Practise portion control. If you must have a certain snack, skip the king-sized/bigger-bag versions and have a regular portion.
7. When the urge to eat hits, stay away from the kitchen. Go for a walk or leave the shopping centre, and simply step away from temptation.
8. When you get a craving, wait 20 minutes. There is a good chance that it will subside.
If it doesn’t, eat something small, you may not need to a lot a lot to satisfy your hunger.
“I quit smoking”
From smoking 40 cigarettes a day, Dubai-based businessman Alexander Michaels got rid of his addiction in two sessions with hynotherapist, life coach and NLP practitioner, Beryl Comar.
Alexander began smoking when he was 34, living in the US and his family suffered some financial setbacks. “It was a disturbing time, somehow I picked up a pack of cigarettes and started smoking,’’ he says.
His fortunes changed – in fact he became a self-made millionaire by the time he was 35 after he launched Limelite, an outdoors advertising company that specialises
in scrolling billboards.
But after his business suffered a setback in 2007-08, he began relying on cigarettes once again, smoking at least 40 a day.
“I knew I had to do something about it, because my health began to suffer,’’ he says. Alexander found that his stamina levels had dropped and he was always tired.
“I had tried kicking the habit on and off, but failed,’’ he says. “I had studied psychology and knew hypnotherapy could work, so I approached Beryl early this year.
“During the hypnotherapy session, she peeled back the layers within me, took me to an earlier time in my life when I experienced the traumatic incident that triggered my desire to smoke and replaced this bad habit with a good one – drinking water.
“When I got out of the hypnosis and was anxious, instead of reaching for a cigarette, I took a sip of water. And once my thirst was quenched, there was no desire for cigarette.’’
Beryl Comar believes addictions are just bad habits that have to be overcome with help.
“Once we believe we have an addiction, it strengthens the belief that quitting will be difficult. You first need to overcome that before the habit can be tackled,’’ she says.
“Habits are nothing more than our programmed response to stimuli. We walk by a store, smell the aroma of fresh cookies and we stop to buy them. Or after a meal, a smoker craves the taste and smell of a cigarette.
“Sometimes the stimuli could be verbal, for instance, somebody could say, ‘Have a cigarette, you’ll feel better.’ Once we accept that belief, it gets embedded in our mind. It can only be removed by another belief planted in the subconscious mind.
“Habits prevent you from living the life you truly want. Often minor, if left unchecked, they become troublesome to yourself and others, and get in the way of living to your full potential.’’
“It’s possible to learn a new habit to replace the old bad one using NLP together with hypnosis,” she says.
Beryl’s tips to quit smoking
1. You have to want to quit before you can.
Be sure you are doing this for yourself.
2. Choose a date and a plan. If you are cutting down first, plan on how much you’ll smoke between now and your quit date. Divide your present supply into piles and put your plan on a calendar, marking how many you’ll smoke each day, and stick to it. Put the calendar in a place where you see it every day.
3. Make your decision clear to your support system. Tell trustworthy friends and family members and seek their support.
4. Prepare for withdrawal – it’s only temporary and usually begins one day after you quit cold turkey, hits a peak after two or three days and eventually levels off after one week.
It’s important to have a plan for what you’ll do instead of going back to cigarettes. For instance, avoid caffeine for the first few days, and plan on getting more, and regular sleep. You may feel nauseous at first, so eat bland foods that are easy on the stomach, such as bananas, rice, toast, oatmeal and apples. With hypnosis, withdrawal symptoms are rare.
5. Find a distraction. Give your new free time to creativity, a hobby or sport. Make it something you can do as quickly and easily as lighting up. For example, sudoku, origami, drinking water, going for a walk or filing your nails.
6. See an experienced therapist who specialises in habit removal, especially if there are underlying issues that are driving your smoking habit, like depression or anxiety.
7. Join a support group. If you’re having a hard time quitting on your own because of peer pressure or a lack of confidence, a support group may be another support for you. For more details, email comar@emirates.net.ae.
“I lost 52kg in a year’’
Abdul Rahman Abdulla Ali Al Mulla gave his family and friends a pleasant surprise when he lost 52kg in a year. The 25-year-old is a graduate in e-commerce from the Higher Colleges of Technology Fujairah.
“Two years ago, I weighed 130kg and suddenly began to worry that I wouldn’t get a job after I completed my graduation because of my size. I had to do something – get fit and lose all the fat – if I was serious about working, although I was too shy to go to the gym,” says Abdul, who embarked on a self-improvement programme on his own.
He started his regimen by going for long walks – about 6km each day. “I couldn’t do any better with so much weight. In the first month, I lost about 6kg and that motivated me.
“I continued walking a little more briskly, and also cut down all the soft drinks and fried junk food. I love my rice and fish, but I gave up rice completely, only eating grilled fish.
“In the second month, when I had lost six more kilos, I started to do a bit of running. I also joined a gym and regularly worked on my cardio and weight training.
“I began eating healthy food. In about four months, my stamina increased and I enjoyed playing football with my friends. In about a year, I lost 52kg. I feel great as I now weigh around 78kg. I also got a wonderful job with the Fujairah Government’s human resources department.
“I feel if you are determined, and ready to step out of your comfort zone, you can do anything. With weight loss, you have to be patient. For me, the greatest incentive was to see the weight dropping off slowly and steadily,” says Abdul, who is the only child in his family and is now a source of inspiration for his friends and office colleagues. “They all come to me for advice,” he says.
Fitness and nutrition consultant and NLP practitioner Helga Bergensteindottir’s tips
to keep fit:
1. Don’t go on a crash diet, as it upsets your metabolic rate and eats up your muscle mass.
2. Begin small – do not overstep your limits. If you can, begin with brisk walks and work slowly on your fitness levels.
3. Work out regularly. Devote 30 minutes or
an hour at least three to five times a week
4. Take up activities that you are likely to enjoy – salsa, aerobics, cycling – things that are fun
to do and you lose weight as you enjoy them.
5. Have a positive body image. Do not punish yourself. Focus on what you like about yourself instead of always focusing on what you hate. Focus on what you have achieved instead of what you haven’t.
6. Have realistic goals. Set small daily, weekly and monthly targets.
7. Try to work out in pairs or in a group.
8. Drink lots of water, as water keeps you hydrated and helps boost your metabolism.
9. Eat healthy.
10. Even when you reach your target weight,
do not give up exercising.
*name changed to protect privacy
