Call it a mother's counter-cultural life. At bedtime, when everybody is winding down, the brain is slowing to attract sleep and conversations are usually pared to soft monosyllables, I am in the busiest mode of the day - cranking up the engine of my dramatic abilities, clearing my mind of extraneous thoughts, fine-tuning my vocal chords and tapping into the reserves of the day's energy.
You see, I am about to read out a bedtime story to a very discerning audience - my sons, aged ten and six. The choice of the story is entirely up to me. It can be an original one I have conjured up just ten minutes before, or something from a book but it must always be interesting. More importantly, it must always be interestingly told.
It's a nightly routine I have been following for the past eight years (since my first-born was two years old). What I have observed in this ritual is that while they are warring brothers by day, they are best friends at night, snuggled up in each other's arms, ready to enjoy my narrative skills. And when I read a report in The Telegraph late last year that two-thirds of parents in developed countries like Britain were too busy to read to their children at night, it got me thinking. What is the trend in the UAE? I decided to speak to a few parents who still believe in this ritual and the benefits it offers.
An attentive first audience
Kathy Hoopmann is an Australian author of children's books who has been living in Dubai for eight years. She fondly recollects the quality time she spent with her three children (now grown up) in these nightly endeavours. "Mostly, I would read out to them plots of books I was working on."
Hoopmann's love for writing children's books is largely a result of her many years as a primary schoolteacher who often read books to her pupils. "I loved children's literature and [subsequently] felt the urge to write a book. Bedtime stories are wonderful because for starters, they set a routine at night that helps settle the kids to sleep.
"Reading to children helps develop their own reading skills. It is a time of closeness, a snuggle time, where a child feels safe and loved. It is a time to get to know your children through the books they choose. It is a time to open their eyes to new things with the books you choose.
"Books have been a staple of my life and it was a pleasure to give this gift of the love of reading to my children," says Hoopmann, whose youngest daughter has also taken up writing.
Encouraging the reading habit
Salwa Al Hammadi, a working parent from Dubai, also cherishes these daily story sessions with her daughter, Shaima. "Almost every night, I read bedtime stories to her. The practice started when Shaima was two years old, now she is seven. Bedtime stories have helped my daughter develop the reading habit and also be creative in her own imaginary world. I can see her imitating and making up her own characters while playing with her dolls, where she enacts the stories and scenarios."
Al Hammadi believes that bedtime tales are a great way for working mothers to spend quality time with their children. By establishing a night-time ritual of reading story books, you are ensuring that some time is spent with your child, which otherwise might have been lost in the daily minutiae. For Al Hammadi, this is the only definitive patch in a day when she is totally with her daughter as opposed to other times of the week when giving her undivided attention is not always possible. She believes that bedtime story-reading sessions are an effective tool to teach children the important values and lessons of life.
"For example," she says, "a story is an easy way to teach your child good manners or how to treat friends. A story-reading session can capture the complete imagination of a child and this total focus is a good time to embed strong messages in their minds." These sessions are lovely memories for your child in their later years, she says.
Jonia Mathews, president of the Indian Ladies Association in Abu Dhabi, used reading as a means to still the wandering attention of her son. "Christopher likes to build things. He doesn't like doing things in a routine manner nor to sit down in one place for a long time. When I tried to read to him initially, I found that he didn't have patience to listen. But I was very particular that he should learn to enjoy the pleasure of reading, so I tried reading bedtime stories to him… and it made a difference!"
The reason she got her nine-year-old son's attention with this habit, she says, is because having exhausted all his energy for the day, he was more calm and grounded and more willing to concentrate on one thing. "At bedtime, whatever I talked about or read out reached straight out to him," she says.
At times when she is too busy to read to him, Mathews makes him listen to audio books. "Of course, it is not the same as reading the stories yourself but it is better than not reading at all."
Mathews has seen plenty of positive changes in her son due to this practice. "His language improved, he got to know about the diversity of people in this world, about the different situations you can face in life and he is now aware of the big, wide world we live in and of the various possibilities it holds."
She is convinced that a story has the ability to drive home a message more powerfully than a 100 exhortations. "He also likes the fact that this is a time when I give him undivided attention. There are no calls to attend to, no chores to complete, it is just him and me."
Benefits for parent and child
Dr Vappu Eerola Labbaci, cognitive psychologist at First Medical Centre, Dubai, upholds the relevance of this nightly ritual even in today's times. It may seem like a simple activity but bedtime reading to children has numerous advantages, she says.
It helps a child improve his communications skills (after a story is read out, a child frames his thoughts, asks questions, processes the answers and taps into his deductive and reasoning abilities) and recognise and explore new emotions and feelings. A story reading session, she says, is a great way for a parent to tap into the inner self of their child. By listening and paying close attention to how the child is reacting to the story, a parent can know their child better. A story reading ritual also builds trust between parent and child. The practice involves three of the most important relationship building blocks - listening, talking and understanding, says Dr Labbaci.
Apart from the cognitive development of a child, bedtime story reading is "a comforting routine that gives the child a feeling of togetherness, warmth, love and being cared for. It strengthens the bond between the parent and child. The peaceful story time helps the child relax and supports healthy sleep."
Dr Labbaci is MSc in Psychology (University of Uppsala, Sweden) and has been working at the centre since January 2008. While the act of story reading is unarguably beneficial, there is still some uncertainty about the kind of books that should be read. Fiction, says Dr Labbaci, is more preferable than factual works.
The best age to start reading to children is two years since at this stage they are open to different things outside the home turf.
For toddlers and pre-schoolers, Dr Labbaci suggests stories based on fantasy. Talking animals are all-time favourites. If the parent animates each character with a different voice, the moral of the story is easy to grasp for the child while also entertaining. An ideal story time would be around 20 minutes a night. For the primary school age group, it would be better to narrate stories that endorse a certain moral, so that they can identify with the theme and apply it in their lives. The story session can last between 20 and 30 minutes.
According to Dr Labbaci, parents should read to their children to make them understand the definition of quality time. "Even though it is a time when your own energy might drain out, your child will appreciate the effort you are putting in to make him/her feel special and loved. The undivided attention and the warmth of your voice will make him/her have a good night's sleep.
"Both written stories and making up one's own stories are valuable," says Dr Labbaci. "A parent's own stories have an edge in that they can be drawn from real-life experiences so a child can instantly relate to it, creating a deeper connection between the child and the parent. These kind of tales allow the child to learn more about his/her parent and build on the child's knowledge about his/her own background. Making up stories can also be a highly participatory process where the parent and child cook up a story together."
This is an invaluable tool to enhance a child's imagination, communication, his ability to express emotions, tackle different situations and solve problems. These traits are useful in helping a child shape his own responses to his growing up experiences as well.
"Stories can also be used to talk about difficult issues as the world of make-believe is not as threatening as the real world. For example, talking about being afraid of something or being teased might be difficult for a small child but it can be incorporated into a story and the issue can be dealt with," she says.
A family tradition
Reading bedtime stories also helps children to focus and concentrate as there are normally no other distractions at that time. "Children whose parents read bedtime stories to them are also the most likely to read to their own children in turn and so the tradition continues," says Dr Labbaci.
Rayhan Mohammad Kassim is a sixth grader at St Joseph's School Abu Dhabi who has a very impressive collection of 225 personal books (and still counting). Her mother, Shaheen, used to read to her every night from the age of three. This, coupled with her father Shahul Hameed's love for books, has turned Rayhan into a voracious reader. "My house is like a mini-library," she says. Her favourite author is Meg Cabbott. "I spend all my pocket money on books. I surf for book on sites like Amazon and buy them (if they are not available here). I like hard copy and am not too fond of reading from devices like Kindle."
From babe to bookworm
Dr Labbaci provides tips on how to develop a good bedtime reading routine, as well as a love of books
- Books need to be age adequate to catch the interest of the child. Babies like to look at simple, colourful pictures of people, animals or other objects and often have a favourite book they keep asking for. They like to hear the parent's voice repeating the names of the objects and soon try to say them out loud themselves.
- As the child grows older, there will be more text and fewer pictures in the books but the illustrations remain important as children are very visual and the pictures help them to shape and understand the story more easily.
- Many older children have their favourite books they want to hear every night. It makes them feel good and repeating the same nice stories reassures them that all is well and safe in their world.
- If possible, there should always be time to read to the end of the story or the chapter so the child doesn't worry or lose sleep over what happened at the end. The ending should be a nice/fair one that leaves the child with positive thoughts.
- A bedtime story moment may be about 20 minutes.
- It's good to take children to the bookstore and help them choose a book as it will further encourage their interest for books, and they will look forward to reading that special story they picked themselves.
- It's also good to have a variety of books at home so the child can choose a book that matches his/her interest, mood or the events of the day.
Suggested bedtime reading
For children aged two to six
1. My Treasury of Bedtime Tales Various
2. Stories for Bedtime Stephen Cartwright
3. Little Stories for Bedtime Sam Taplin
4. The Lion Book of Two-minute Bedtime Stories Elena Pasquali
5. My First Bedtime Stories Nicola Baxter
For children aged six to ten
1. 365 Bedtime Stories Various
2. Sleepytime Stories Sam Taplin
3. The Bedtime Story Book Jen Wainright
4. Bedtime for Tad Adam Nicely
5. Bedtime Collection Wendy Cooling
6. Large Print Bed Time Maureen Spurgeon
Information courtesy Kinokuni ya Bookstore, Dubai Mall, Level 2
Zenifer Khaleel is an Abu Dhabi-based freelancer
