It is more rigorous than a nine-to-five job, there aren't any bonuses, no monthly paycheques and certainly no promotions. And yet full-time homemaking is one of the most popular "job" choices today.
The saying goes: "With every baby that is born, a mother is born too." Motherhood transforms a woman for life. Imagine this scenario — two households with their respective mothers, who wake up early to pack lunches for the children while preparing breakfast for the family and ensuring that everyone leaves home for work or school on time. The only difference is that one mother then leaves for her own workplace, outside of the home and the other one stays home to "work".
While some give up time with their children to give them a bright future and a career for herself, others forsake their careers to spend the present with their children.
For those who have invested years of study and have had successful careers before the children came along, staying home could seem tedious. Then there are some who find joy in being completely hands-on at home.
Many might argue that women of our generation are more career-driven and feel the need for a life of their own. But is it really true and has a lot changed since our mothers' time? Unwind decided to meet a few young mothers to find out what they believed.
Expert Advice
Rebecca Williams — Career counsellor, Greenfield Community School, Dubai
In Rebecca Williams's opinion, being a homemaker is a full-time job. She thinks it is also a choice which warrants respect and understanding.
For some, the perception is that homemaking is for those not skilled or talented in school or those who have been trapped in a role. However, like any job, it can be rewarding and requires a lot of hard work. Williams has a 14-month-old boy and she can see the benefits of being able to stay with him and cherish every moment of his childhood. According to Williams, there is no right or wrong career if one enjoys it, is passionate about it and is good at it. The problems arises, when you feel dissatisfied, disillusioned and unfulfilled.
Devika Singh — Psychologist, Dubai
Devika Singh says that the research on the effects of working mothers versus stay-at-home mothers is inconclusive. Some studies show that children develop resilience, independence and organisational skills better when they have time away from their mothers. Many children tend to become more responsible with their belongings and even with younger siblings.
At the same time, when children have a stay-at-home mother, they have greater access to emotional soothing and physical care.
A mother is a teacher, who can provide opportunities for growth, nourishment and development. For many children, this can only be a good thing. In a nutshell, parental style and support is more important than whether a parent is always accessible.
Nannies and secondary caregivers can and must represent safety and security to the child, not only when the parents are absent but at all times.
However, they should not be held responsible for discipline at home.
Part-time work can be a good way to get both individual and family needs met. But only some careers are easier to work part-time.
Stress levels are also an important consideration. A job, whether part-time or full-time, can cause so much stress that it is difficult to come home and function normally.
At the same time, stay-at-home mothers need to make an extra effort to recharge and get a break from the constant home environment.
GOING BACK TO FULL-TIME WORK
Ann Felton, British
Ann Felton had a mother who was a highly intelligent and talented career-oriented woman. And that is why Ann never really connected with her.
It was her grandmother who looked after her in her early years. This meant that when it came to motherhood, Ann decided not to put her family through what she had been through in her childhood.
She wanted to be at home for her family and wanted her children to know her and feel connected to her.
This, of course, involved sacrifices — the Feltons only had one income to live on and so they rarely took holidays.
Ann watched a lot of her female friends earn large salaries and build careers while she had put her nursing career on hold, knowing that for her, there was room for only one occupation in her marriage.
Motherhood to her meant being an all-in-one family psychologist, secretary, chauffeur, cleaner and cook.
Now that her children are old enough to take care of themselves, Ann has decided to return to the joy of the nursing profession.
Working from home
Part-time or flexi jobs have come to the rescue of many families. This has been a blessing to those who wish to be around their children and contribute to their family finances simultaneously.
Gatha Saxena, Indian
Gatha Saxena is a full-time working mother of two teenage children and lives in a joint family. Her work gives her a measure of freedom, though the days seem to pass too quickly for her. With a husband who is usually away from home, Saxena made sure that her presence, along with her in-laws' support, played a pivotal role in the upbringing of the kids.
Now that her kids have grown up, she has a lot more time on her hands and has taken up working from home. As a result, she experiences none of the working mother's pressures and enjoys her time with her kids while fulfilling corporate expectations.
Her husband backs her decision to work from home, as it has been to the family's advantage. The kids are looked after, her work gets done, household chores are taken care of and she still has time to fulfil social obligations.
Maya Moussly, Syrian-British
When Maya Moussly became a mother, she focused on her son and only later completed her postgraduate degree, which gave her the flexibility to work from home and freelance. She finds it challenging to find the right balance between being a wife and a mother, working and doing things she loves. Staying organised helps her manage everything without too much difficulty. She prepares her presentations or plans her meetings when her son is at the playschool during the day.
Moussly thinks part-time work allows a woman to have the best of both worlds, though a lot depends on the personality of the person. She knows she is a better mother because she has her work and the chance to get some "me" time for a few hours each week. On some weekends, a guilt-free Moussly leaves her son with his dad, knowing that the two are enjoying their bonding.
STAY-AT-HOME MOTHERS
Susana Khanna, Mexican
Susana Khanna wanted to be a full-time mum ever since she could remember. Giving up being a successful lawyer was a choice she made. She believes that women hold families together and create a fun and loving environment. Continuing her work would not have given her as much time for her home.
There are enough household duties to attend to that keep Khanna from returning to the workforce. Being a homemaker has honed her organisation skills to the T. She finds it easy to lose herself in just being a wife and a mother. At the same time, Khanna takes time out to energise herself by meeting her friends and doing the things she loves.
Khanna's husband has been very supportive of her decision and felt that his wife's contribution at home would have more impact on the development of their kids than any monetary contribution could.
Clita Dias, Indian
For Clita Dias, leaving her career as executive secretary was something she and her husband decided upon before their marriage. Leaving her family in the hands of a hired help was not for her.
As is the case with most families, there were sleepless nights and rough days but looking back, Clita feels that her firm belief has helped her through all of life's seasons so far. Being at home has provided the required stability for her kids and she is what fostered the closeness she now enjoys with her three teenage children.
She counts her excellent culinary skills as a direct result of her being at home. When interviewed, her husband Nigel added that, for him, it has been the best decision they have made as a family. It has also taught them the value of money and they have become careful spenders, expertly managing their single income.
Diana (Pixie) Hart, Pakistani
Diana (Pixie) Hart wanted to be there for her children any time and every time she was needed. Sacrifice is part of motherhood, she believes.
Managing a household of five called for mastering time management, hospitality and multitasking skills.
She knows that had she continued working as an office administrator, the family would have benefited from the financial support but would have suffered in other critical areas, such as the children's development.
It has come at a price and has meant fewer family holidays. But Diana has no regrets.
It is not surprising then that her husband Harold has supported her decision from Day 1.
For him, the advantage of having his wife as a homemaker has only long-term benefits.
Gabriela Gosse, German-Canadian
Her daughter's first smile, steps, words and other "firsts" were not something Gabriela Gosse wanted to miss out on. Gabriela knows that she chose the best way forward for herself and her family by leaving her para-legal work and, if need be, she is ready to do it all again. Everyday decisions regarding her daughter's wellbeing were something she would not have been able to manage with full-time work.
Countless hours of baking, playing and cooking for her daughter have created a master chef, friend and companion. But she believes that spending quality time with her child is far more important than fussing over a permanently neat house. The rapport she now shares with her daughter is clear evidence of the many years of love and discipline. Jim, her husband of 20 years, stands by her choice to be a stay-at-home mum. They adapted to being a single-income household and made the necessary changes that this decision called for.
