The thought may make you shiver inside but read on because colonic hydrotherapy can improve your digestive health, boost your hydration, give you better skin, give your internal organs a pep talk and make you feel happier. Truly - and Kay Vosloo, colonic hydrotherapist at the Chiropractic Health and Physio Clinic, is the walking proof. Liquid health seems to ooze out of her pores. So after years of dodging Kay's invites out of embarrassment, I swallowed my fears and booked myself in.
In a colonic hydrotherapy session, your colon and large intestine are flushed out with clean, pure water.
There's no escaping the truth, so I'll just come out and say it: you lie on your side on the treatment bed while a finger-sized tube is lubed up and inserted (gently and smoothly) up your bottom. It doesn't hurt and isn't even remotely uncomfortable.
The tube is attached to a metal box, which controls the flow and temperature of the water. It feeds water into your body, while simultaneously removing waste.
A few minutes in and you roll onto your back. It takes 45 minutes during which time you can chat with Kay (we discussed the horrors of puppy farms), or quiz her on her nutrition and health knowledge (90 per cent of the happy hormone seratonin is made in the bowel), while she analyses what's coming out of your body.
I know exactly what you're thinking as, until recently, I thought it too. But Kay is so professional that it isn't embarrassing (after all, it's nothing she hasn't seen before), it isn't messy and the whole experience is a lot less traumatic, and a lot more interesting than a smear test.
Yes, it really did. I did Kay's two-week detox programme, which involved three colonics and a healthy eating plan. In addition to cutting out caffeine, dairy, red meat, and gluten, the eating plan also requires you to eat every three hours and to get busy juicing fruits and vegetables.
After the first colonic, I felt great, but when I went for the second one, I literally went into the building one size and came out a few inches slimmer around my waist. I am not exaggerating when I say that my elasticated belt was baggy. It was really incredible. What I'd put down to middle-age spread turned out to be bloating and a sluggish digestive system. I had a flat tummy again.
I was feeling so great that the day before my final colonic, I relaxed my detox and ate bread. The result was instant bloating and a revert back to digestive system laziness. Lesson learned.
Kay says, "I advise new patients to come for two or three sessions initially, then once every six months. However, if someone has digestive problems, or they fly regularly, they may need to come more often than that."
A couple of weeks after and I'm still feeling great. Kay warned that I would get addicted to juicing, which I have, and I've stayed on the eating plan - bar the odd sweet treat. And I'm a total colonic convert. Yes, it involves putting things in unmentionable places, but unless you have to reveal all in a magazine, nobody ever needs to know.
Dh850 for your first session; Dh1,400 for two treatments; Dh1,900 for three. Call 04-3282686.
While you are there...Check out Kay's Naturopathic Wellness Screening Consultation (Dh350, 30 minutes), which screens for cardiovascular and digestive health, disease prevention status, bone health, stress, toxins, hormones, immune system index, fertility status and more. All you have to do is hold a metal bar.
Find more about the detox programme and get some juice recipes on the Aquarius Edit May app.