Speed is defined as the distance travelled divided by the time taken to travel that distance. Going by that definition, Mariam Behnam, the grand old dame of art, culture and heritage, has lived her life at an exhilarating speed that runs across almost nine decades and straddles countries and cultures - Iran, India, Pakistan and the UAE. In doing all of this, she has set her own pace, and been the force behind the wheel at all times. "I have witnessed so many changes." she says, her voice strong and clear.
It is a statement that sounds simple but in her case it is simple in a way that most powerful phenomena in life usually are. From living through the Iranian Revolution, witnessing two wars between India and Pakistan while she held diplomatic positions in Karachi, through the changes in India and around the world, and later in the UAE which she has adopted as her home since 1978, Behnam has seen it all.
"I sometimes think it is a miracle to see so many changes in one lifetime," she says, and you cannot but agree with that.
If the speed of the metamorphosis of Dubai is the envy of the world, the pace at which Behnam's life took on a deeper meaning matches that. She too is enviable. There is a synergy in the way speed has been the leitmotif in the life of Dubai and in the story of Behnam who made this city her home.
"Sometimes when I go for a walk in the bylanes around my home or in the malls of Dubai, I ask myself - is this the same Dubai? The speed with which this city has transformed itself is truly amazing. For me Dubai has always been home. I feel safe and secure here. The door of my house is always ajar during the day.
The journey
"A journey of thousands of miles starts with one step and that one step was my decision in 1978 to come here," says Behnam. "During the [Iranian] revolution, I was looking for a place that would be close to my heart and Dubai has been that for so many years, both culturally and emotionally. I have been inspired by the energy and dynamism of this place and written many of my books here.
"I like matching the pace and speed of its change. It is a technology savvy place. There is e-administration and e-education and yet there is a sense of culture and identity being preserved; heritage, language and thoughts are valued here. That is a very reassuring feeling," says Behnam, who now lives life at the cruise control she has set for herself.
After having weathered 89 summers, Behnam prepares to usher in her 90th birthday in February 2011. She says birth announcements were considered unimportant and so were not always recorded in Iran in her times. Since she was the second-born in her family and a girl at that, her birth was a disappointment for family members who were expecting a boy. The only thing known about her birth years later was that she was born in 1921 - the year of the zelzelah, or terrible earthquake, that hit the town of her birth, Bandar Lingah.
This sense of being unwanted set the mood for her non-conformism and rebellion in later years. This trait became an important part of her personality and soon defined who she was going to be. She rebelled against petty beliefs, questioned obsolete ideas and as she grew up, honed the art of challenging the unchallenged. Always, she managed to get people to see her point of view. Her life, she says, has been a ride that's worth every bump, every hurdle and every blind corner she turned. She continues to be on that drive, setting her speed and adjusting the rear-view mirror...
A rebel without a pause
"The negative attitudes of those around me when I was a little child brought out the best in me. First of all, I want to advise all mothers to never compare their children with each other. I think every child would like to be appreciated for who he or she is.
"First I was termed a ‘manhoos' [unlucky] and later on I became ‘khushkadam' [lucky footed] as I brought luck wherever I went! I would actually be taken along to our extended family get-togethers and to other households to hold the hand of a woman in labour or to bless a newborn. I was said to have the healing touch.
"As a family we travelled a lot - and Dubai was the ideal place to take a break before we moved on. We always touched down in Dubai on our way to Mumbai. We often travelled to gain higher education, to seek health care, and for business. Those days it was the norm to go to India for all these. When we travelled, we literally carried our home on board the ship. Nearly 100 people travelled with us - domestic staff, cooks, seamstresses, teachers, language teachers who would make sure we did not forget our Farsi and Arabic diction... We carried all our food including animals such as goat and sheep for fresh meat as it took nearly a fortnight to reach the Mumbai port from Bandar Lingah."
While the adventures were available to all, being adventuresome was not. "We girls had to always be demure and sit very obediently in the cabin as we were not allowed to go anywhere else on the ship. But of course, curiosity always got the better of me andI would explore the entire ship to know how people on the deck lived. Life in Mumbai was great. Nobody rented homes, so we bought palatial mansions for the family to live in and these were well staffed. People lived and conducted business on our behalf even when we left for Bandar Lingah."
Dubai, too, has been an integral part of her life as long as she can remember.
"My forefathers had been in Dubai for nearly 100 years, involved in pearl trading and instrumental in establishing Bastakiya. It was called this because the people who established it came from the Bastak region of Iran. Bastakiya, I recall, was a very lively district where everybody just walked up to each other. Extended families lived together - uncles, aunties, grandfather, grandmothers, grand uncles and aunts, cousins, all of them.
"Today I don't know who is living on the right or left side of my house!"
However, despite all the changes,some fundamental things have not changed, she says. "Human values [have remainedthe same] - we still laugh, love, hate andcry, and need friends. We are still fathersand mothers."
Childhood was a time well spent. "As I grew older, I became even more headstrong. I have many firsts to my credit, like being the first woman in my family to go to school, the first woman to become the mayor of Bandar Abbas [and so on]." All of which would have been impossible if she wasn't the determined little blithe spirit she was.
Appealing aesthetics
One of the first things that makes a strong impression when you meet Behnam is her unique sartorial style. She is perfectly groomed, wearing colourful ensembles that are often, she informs you, hand-stitched and embroidered by her. Even if you consider this insistence on sense of appearance a throwback to her years as a career diplomat, the fact is, at 89, she adheres to it with an elegance that would be hard to find in women much younger. Every dress she wears is complemented by matching sets of baubles.
Setting up her own milestones
Mariam says the two most important things in her life have been education and ambition - for they helped her know what she wanted to do with her life.
"It was never about money. It was always about education and enlightenment. For instance, I always believed that education was not something to be had only in classrooms. Everyday experiences of life also educate you. I wanted my daughters especially - Shahnaz and Shirin - to know what it means to live with people."
Her ambition for her children, as it has been for herself too, was to have the best education. "Your strength is your learning... I seem to be learning more now than I did in the earlier days."
