When speaking about the French, certain quintessential stereotypes spring to mind: Do French women really not get fat? How far do the French take their perceived culinary snobbery? Are French children better behaved than others? And are the French honestly laissez-faire about relationships and marriage?
GN Focus turns to expats and experts for a response to these clichés. It should be noted that the French themselves don’t bother with such questions. They know their Frenchness is an accumulation of their history, thoughts, arts and food, deeply embedded in their DNA.
Relationships
Perhaps the best instance of the French nonchalant attitude to relationships is seen in the contrasting public reactions to French President François Mitterrand’s affairs and US President Bill Clinton’s transgressions.
“I remember the fuss the Americans made when the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal broke,” says Anne Cabanel, 46, Public Relations Manager. “While in France, everyone just shrugged and said, ‘So what?’”
Cabanel admits the French are equally passionate but less vocal and more pragmatic about emotions than others. “We aren’t so possessive of our men, nor do we shun the other woman.
“After all, you don’t need to be married to be in relationship in France, so most people just prefer to live together — it’s less messy,” she says, admitting that the incentives to get married have much to do with practicalities such as taxes and property.
This blend of romanticism with a couldn’t-care-less attitude has the rest of the world believing the French are the best lovers.
Expert view: Dr Raymond H. Hamden, Clinical and Forensic Psychologist, Human Relations Institute and Clinics, believes it has to do with the image French men and women portray. “French men are often seen as being well dressed, looking straight into your eyes, and passionately talking about food or sex.”
French women, meanwhile, are seen as elegant and flirtatious. “She finds pleasure in life, and exudes a good feeling about herself.”
Parenting
While the rest of the world frets over parenthood, swinging from one popular style to the next, the French are raising well-behaved children without any fuss. A few years ago, Pamela Druckerman’s bestseller Bringing Up Bébé spilled the Gallic secrets for avoiding tantrums, teaching patience and bringing up less-bratty kids.
Jean-David Marque, 32, father of two-year-old Elliott, believes parenting is all about not making your child the king. “The child fits into the parent’s life and not the other way around,” he sdays. “I don’t adapt to Elliott but he adapts to me.
“For instance, if I’m having a conversation, he needs to wait until we are done.
“If we have plans to go out without him, he needs to realise that he can’t be with us all the time.”
For Marque, the game is over the minute you let your child take control and that’s something the French don’t do. “If you give into your child for everything, you are just setting them up for failure.
“We don’t make choices for them or plan their lives, we just give them the tools to make right choices and grow up to be well-adjusted and well-behaved individuals.”
Expert view: Dr Saliha Afridi, Clinical Psychologist and Managing Director, The LightHouse Arabia, labels the French style of parenting as authoritative.
“Children need boundaries, guidance, rules and responsibilities. Parents need to set these for their children, but should do so with a foundation of mutual respect. Be kind, gentle and firm — and that is the essence of French parenting,” says Dr Afridi.
Children feel safe when there are boundaries and it eases their anxieties about the world and their place in it, says Dr Afridi, agreeing that the French are doing this right.
Devika Singh-Mankani, Licensed Psychologist and Learning Enrichment Specialist, Dubai Herbal and Treatment Centre, believes children need space to express their needs because it’s impractical to expect a parent to be able to perceive every need a child presents with.
It’s important to encourage a child to express themselves — but that doesn’t mean all requests must be fulfilled,” she says.
Fashion
Are French women perfect? It appears the world has spent plenty of time establishing that notion, with YouTube tutorials, piles of books and how-to-guides attempting to nail their je ne sais quoi. Don’t forget the controversial bestseller French Women Don’t Get Fat by Mireille Guiliano. Or do they?
“I can’t think of any woman in the world who wouldn’t want to stay slim — the French are perhaps just better at achieving it,” says Nadège Noblet-Segers, a 39-year-old Exhibition Manager.
She was recently in the UK for a global exhibition and says she could pick out all the French woman in the crowd because of the way they were dressed — chic, elegant and well put together. The secret, says Noblet-Segers, lies in the details. Whether she’s at the beach or going for a brunch, Noblet-Segers is particular about everything in her ensemble being paired and coordinated. “It has to all come together stylishly and look nice. If you look good, you feel great and that gives you the confidence.”
Expert view: Marissa Woods, Style Consultant and Founder, Image Factor, believes that French women are extremely chic, but rather than being born with it, it comes from being guided from an early age by their mothers, relatives and society. “They learn the cardinal rules of how to make the right choices in colour, fabric and style that suits their body shapes. The key is to make it look effortlessly stylish,” says Woods.
“Think of French fashion, and Coco Chanel’s little black dress springs to mind — timeless and unforgettable,” says Kelly Lundberg, CEO and Founder, Style ME Divine.
Mastering the French style is all about getting the fit right, ditching heels in favour of flats, sticking to basics and accessorising right.
Food
If there’s one thing the French aren’t blasé about, it’s their food.
“Yes, all the clichés about the French and our food are mostly correct,” says Olivier Frichou, 57, partner in a management company. “We take our food seriously — it’s a national obsession and the only time we aren’t talking about food is when we are eating.”
Dining is a big deal, a social event that comes from centuries of cultivating and raising whatever was needed. But the one thing Frichou doesn’t quite agree with is French culinary snobbery. It’s a marketing gimmick, he declares. “We eat in snooty upscale restaurants not more than once or twice a year. When we want to get together it’s all about choosing a nice little café that serves reasonably priced good food and wine.”
Yes, that part is entirely true, Frichou admits, proud of his collection and well-stocked cellar that has only French wine.
Expert view: Jean-Edern Hurstel, Executive Chef at The Peninsula Paris, attributes the high-brow gourmand attitude to what he calls an “educated” palate. “We have amazing meats, diversity of food from the oceans and mountains.
“We [also] have fruits, vegetables, honey, chocolate and dairy. Access to this range of good products at a reasonable price has educated the palate of the French people.”
So what explains the self-appointed eminence of French culinary artists? “The chefs of the royal court trained many great cooks, building a line of great chefs who then in turn popularised the best food techniques and recipes,” explains Hurstel.
