I did a shoot with Mario Testino last week for Vogue, says Gordon Ramsay. He stares down our photographer, and continues.
"He set it up, got everyone in position - snap - and then f***** off. One shot! It's amazing. You're already on your second shot."
Yes, Ramsay demands perfection in everything. Especially in himself, which is why the news that he's finally been knocked off the fine dining top spot in London has epicureans enjoying just a little a taste of schadenfreude.
He's the loud-mouthed TV star, author, failed footballer -and let's not forget the reason why we really know him - superstar chef. With numerous restaurants under his belt, in the UK and internationally, and a baker's dozen of Michelin stars, there's really no reason not to think of him in the same terms as we do other globe-trotting restaurateurs such as Alain Ducasse or Terence Conran - generally unreachable figures of haute cuisine.
Mass appeal
What's exceptional about Ramsay is the fact that he is a top chef - the kind who serves dishes such as Braised Turbot Fillet with Lavender Tagliolini and Pea velouté - and yet has mass appeal. To his ever-growing public, it's Ramsay's raucous "personality" is the draw. Except what we see onscreen in shows like Hell's Kitchen may not be the man himself - or at least only a part of him.
So is it for my benefit that Ramsay opens the conversation with a four-letter word? Perhaps to prove that this is the "real" Gordon Ramsay sitting in an armchair outside his Dubai restaurant, Verre. Some, perhaps, wouldn't believe it was him unless he was ranting and bullying.
Sailor mouth
But it doesn't take him long to swear off the sailor mouth and become extremely charming. Despite his apparent megalomania onscreen, Ramsay doesn't like talking about himself much, and can't bear talking about what he has done and how it is all so successful.
"I don't like hearing myself. When I had to do the book-on-tape version of my autobiography, it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Writing it was one thing, but reading it was another, to the extent where I broke down at one stage." Not exactly the headcase we're used to.
A different side
But with the publication of his book, Ramsay opened up a different side of himself.
It reveals the story of his difficult upbringing - his alcoholic father, his parents' divorce, and his brother's addiction to heroin. (His brother was jailed in Indonesia recently for drug possession).
It's through the TV screen Ramsay has attained that mass stardom, but, he asserts, none of what you see is stage-managed. "I see it as work. I don't have preconceived ideas about how I should look and what I should wear, and - hey - do I walk funny?" he says. "I'm really nervous about watching myself and I still get embarrassed. What you see of me is real, and natural, and it clearly works on telly."
Global reach
It certainly does - Ramsays's British shows were picked up by American TV, giving him a foot in the door to the world's biggest market for all things culinary, and taking his stardom into the stratosphere. It's led to the opening of several restaurants in New York, and one for LA is planned.
That's in addition to eight top-rated restaurants in the UK, one in Japan, and the first restaurant he opened outside the UK, Verre, right here in Dubai. With such a vast conglomerate, is he stretching himself thinner than his delicate ravioli?
"I'm in the kitchen every day. I'm not there running the fish and meat. I don't need to be, and if I was there'd be a big problem. What I do is bring it together. Whether you're coodinating 25 cooks here in Dubai, 50 in Claridges, or 25 in Chelsea, you bring it together. It's like being a conductor. That's your symphony."
Ramsay's detractors often remark that he spends too much time outside the kitchen, either hob-nobbing with celebrities or making his TV shows.
But it's clear that Ramsay got where he is for three very good reasons: talent, passion and hard work.
"I've been very lucky and I don't take that for granted," he says. "When I go to work, I take it seriously. I keep it real." And that hard work, famously, includes everyone he works with. "I can't afford to make a mistake. So I'm hard on them."
Loves what he does
Whether Ramsay is making a TV show, writing a book or cooking for the Beckhams in LA, it really does all boil down to one thing: he loves cuisine. It's obvious in the way his shockingly clear blue eyes light up when he discusses what's on his latest menu.
"I can't wait for tomorrow morning," he enthuses. What's happening tomorrow, I ask. "I've got a new sea bass dish in New York. I'm not happy with the current one and for the last three days I've been busting my nuts," his trademark brash style just poking through.
He pitches into a stream-of-consciousness description of the new dish, gesturing wildly.
Words such as chorizo, artichokes barigole, scallops and cuttlefish fly past. "So we're gonna do a marinated pepper, but the pepper's going to be cooked with chorizo, and we'll slowly cook them, for like 24 hours. I've got the most amazing little cuttlefish, and we're sautéeing them with some scallops, and we're covering the sea bass with that."
He pauses to take a breath, and then reveals the reason why we all know there won't be any meltdowns soon - his frank, fierce dedication.
"Now we've tinkered with it and played with it, I know it's going to work. And it's going to be better than the sea bass we've got at the moment. There's nothing wrong with it but it could be better. I just know we can do better."
Cook like gordon
Gordon Ramsay took time out to give us his tips for entertaining at home - with one small caveat: "I am the world's worst person. I don't do dinner parties. For some reason I never get invited either."
Nevertheless, here are his thoughts on dinner for friends:
Delegate. Don't have it all on your shoulders - starter, main dessert. There's no conflict then. Be responsible for one course and one course only.
Make sure you've got a good prep done. Don't leave it all until the last minute when you are trying to entertain and cook all at the same time. It's a very tough call.
Have a sneaky practice, one week two weeks before. It's like Christmas everyone always asks me what's the secret to doing a perfect Christmas lunch. You only do it once a year, so practise! Do it with a roast chicken instead of a turkey but get yourself a time plan.
A dinner party is about the bases being done properly. Don't overdress your table. There's nothing worse than warm drinks. Buy in some ice, because the one thing everyone's short of is ice.
Don't formalise the evening. No one wants to listen to a table plan.
And before your guest arrive, get yourself a drink. Relax.
