When money is tight, people — especially couples and families — can go through stressful times. With the mounting tension, problems can escalate and take a toll on relationships, breaking up families and sabotaging connections.
To ensure that money, or the lack thereof, doesn’t impact their personal life, couples must openly discuss how they feel about the different relevant areas: acceptable standard of living, priorities and need for savings. When these areas are clarified and agreed on, day-to-day decisions can be made quicker and in agreement.
Here are how to work out these three major areas.
Acceptable living standards
Many couples suffer as one spouse expects a standard of living that is not affordable, above or below what the other expects. Living with this disparity can be tough, especially when many decisions have to be made to maintain life as a family. The best way to go about handling this difference is an open talk that sets the ground rules for the definition of “acceptable”.
You will not be able to identify the specifics about acceptable products, getaways, clothes, etc. But what you can do is to specify how to assess whether one item is the right for your budget or not. You also need to set rules for when exceptions are made and why. For example, you may decide that when it comes to education, you two would like to send children to a school that is significantly above your level of income. As long as the exception is identified and marked, the result should be within expectations.
Priorities
Related to the previous point, you and your family members will need to have priorities aligned. Because it is probably difficult to meet everyone’s needs, it is important to ensure that everyone is on board for whatever you select to do. For example, if travelling is a priority in terms of recreation, probably this will be time to drop off something else, and everyone should be feeling that the compromise is acceptable.
Savings
For many people who live paychecque to paycheque, savings might not be an option. But let’s face it: Some may feel that saving for a rainy day is a must, even if that means tightening the belt even further for everyone. Again, reaching an agreement about how much savings should be put aside every month can help you and your family avoid a lot of stress. In addition, the person who is insisting on saving can avoid being seen as extremely frugal by those who see their needs unmet — again another situation that creates resentment.
To escape that cycle, having a savings plan that is clear for everyone involved is a must. Let your spouse and older children know how much the family saving and why. Sharing your intentions and concerns can go a long way in getting other’s cooperation and perhaps even contribution to your scheme.
Tackle money problems
As mentioned, when money problems escalate they can sabotage a personal relationship. That is why at the first sign of an emerging problem, you will need to address it immediately. That problem can be anything from a partner who is about to take on what appears to be an unmanageable debt to an adult child who is seeking family support at a certain transition like college education or marriage.
Have practical solutions, however. If you’re trying to sway a family member from purchase a big-ticket item, for example, prepare a good argument coupled with alternative. Whenever you come to the table with solutions, others will be open to hear you. In addition, when money problems are addressed promptly, with understanding for differences, and compassion, you will be able to get around them quickly without jeopardising the one thing that is more important — your family relationships.
Rania Oteify, a former Gulf News Business Features Editor, is a Seattle-based editor.
