A study by a UK think-tank, the International Longevity Centre [ILC-UK] suggests that pensioners living in retirement communities are significantly less likely to feel lonely than those still in their own homes. It found that despite fears about moving into special accommodation, those who did were more likely to feel they had ‘control’ over their lives than those of the same age in the wider community.
Replacing traditional institutional care homes with UK-style retirement ‘villages’ could help stem Britain’s looming epidemic of loneliness in old age.
Now you may wonder why I want to highlight this research. Well, very simply, loneliness is not just applicable to the older age group. Loneliness can affect people of all ages from young children to teenagers, to busy business people.
If you ask someone how they feel, they will usually reply ‘OK’, but very often that may not be true. Ask a teenager how they feel and the chances are they will say ‘cool’. But all too often, that reply is meaningless.
Lonely people tend to keep their feelings private and this can be a problem that affects the establishment and maintenance of new and existing inter-personal relationships.
Today’s social media makes it easy to connect with on-line ‘friends’, subscribe to special interest groups (SIGs), contribute to panel discussions, write and read online blogs or play video games. Individuals can become experts at online activities, but the effect is to prevent them from meeting real people, in real time.
Virtual activities are OK to fill in activity gaps but no substitute for engaging in real one-to-one conversations and meetings. Human contact is essential to mental stability and to engender and reinforce feelings of self-worth and personal esteem. These are benefits that one cannot gain online.
Very often, lonely people just sit around and wait for the phone to ring. They insist on being reactive and then wonder why no-one calls them. But what about being pro-active and calling them?
It’s all about having the confidence to make the first move and not take it as a personal rejection if the other person says they are unable to make a particular time to meet you. The reason that they may not have contacted you is because you may have ‘fallen off of their radar’ for someone to go out with.
And who knows, they may have been waiting for you to invite them out — don’t forget it takes two to tango!
So we come back to the original research about older people. As we can see, loneliness isn’t just a social problem exclusively for that age group. It affects people of all ages as it is very easy to get out of the habit of communicating and socialising.
People of all ages can feel insecure and anxious or have low self-esteem. One of the suggestions I often make is to mix the generations –older to younger and vice versa. They can each help the other in more ways than one.
The older generation has the experience, while the younger have the freshness of youth and the advantage of inexhaustible energy.
My proposal is to bring them together in various interest groups – dancing, writing, singing, walking, sports, driving, decorating, photography, etc. Get them talking and communicating and see healthcare costs go down for the older members as they gain a new focus in their lives and have other things to think about other than their health.
The life of the younger person can be enhanced by making a difference to someone else and learning valuable lessons along the way. When various age groups interact, they gain by an interchange of ideas, swapping of experiences and the discussion of future hopes and aspirations.
There is no necessity for anyone to be, or to feel to be, alone. In all levels of society, there is common ground and common interests.
If people are encouraged, then the chances are they will gain in confidence and it could be made easier for them to explore opportunities.
Key points
If you are pro-active, you will rarely be lonely.
Switch-off the computer and switch-on your personality.
Get out and make yourself available and fun to be with.
