It dawned on me recently that no one ever tries to sell to me. Well, that is other than the annoying calls with credit card offers and people who want to “invest” my money for me, who I must add have no clue that I’m not British as they try to peddle their UK-oriented estate plans.

Since I was in the eighth grade, I’ve worn clothes from Ralph Lauren. It’s my favourite brand for a host of reasons including the fit, durability and fact that they’ve become a bit like a uniform to me. So I know what to expect every day. Of course, I like the style as well.

While Dubai has four Ralph Lauren stores, I buy most of my clothes from New York. Your immediate assumption is probably that I shop from the US because the prices are cheaper there.

While it’s true that the prices are cheaper and I do enjoy that, my real motivation is that Andrew (the salesman who’s looked after me for the past dozen years) sells to me. He rings me up, Whatsapps and emails me,

“Tommy, we have a sale and here are pictures of what we have in your size.” Or, “Tommy, look at these new suits we just got in. I can send them over to you if you want.”

By simply calling me, Andrew increases the odds that I’ll buy from him.

This point isn’t limited to clothing. Two of our cars just passed the five-year mark and are in desperate need to be replaced. Yet, the automobile company has never tried to sell us a new one, which is an utter shock to me.

Both of these are from a very popular brand in Dubai; we service them regularly at the dealership’s service center and yet we’ve never received a call suggesting we take a look at the newer model.

When I lived in the States, at the two-year anniversary of car ownership, usually while the car was in for service, the salesman would casually draw your attention to the new model and make an offer: “Tommy, with no money out of your pocket, we can put you in this today.”

(They would make up the difference in the traded value of my current car and by edging up the car payment).

Guess what? More times than not, I’d leave the lot in the new car they sold me.

What brought this to my mind is the intense focus a number of leading businesses are putting on taking market share this year. A few of my recent columns have focused on the strategy that smart business owners are taking this year – they have a market share growth strategy, which is the ideal move to take when others are hesitant.

But how can you take market share if you’re not selling?

There is an understandable reason why the sales culture is not selling through relationships, but it has to be rectified. In the heyday of the early 2000’s — up to the financial crisis — you didn’t really have to sell.

The market was growing at such a rate that many people bragged, “All you have to do is open shop and the sales take care of themselves.”

They were living in the field of dreams – build it and they’ll come.

Well, those days are long gone. In order to gain market share, you must sell. Blindly sending automated emails and sms isn’t selling. That is nothing more than a very unsophisticated form of advertising.

Selling happens when you build a relationship with your customers, understand their needs and then show them how you can meet their needs. I want to buy a new car, but don’t want to hassle of buying it.

I only wish there was a sales person who knew me, what I want and would meet my need.

The crucial element if you want to build the sales capability to take market share is to build relationships with your customers.

Act with an old-fashioned shop owner’s mentality in a modern business world.

— The writer is a CEO Coach and author, including of his latest ‘Leadership Dubai Style’. Contact him at tsw@tommyweir.com.