When you’re presented with an opportunity, do you tend to instinctively say yes or no?

Success starts with being a “yes” person: someone who says yes to exploring what’s possible, rather than closing the door on opportunity. Yes is a discovery word and those who use it are discoverers; they are the people who embrace ideas and find reasons why they can succeed.

But despite the potential that the word wields, many people hesitate to say it — avoid it even. Instead of discovering possibilities, they search for certainty before uttering those three powerful letters. Often, these are the “no” people. Those who tend to shut opportunities down before they even get started.

When presented with an idea, do you first assess why it can’t happen? If so, you likely find yourself among the crowd who are loss averse, meaning they’d rather avoid a potential loss than realise a potential gain. Frankly, most people hate to lose more than they love to win.

If I offered you Dh100 with no strings attached, or the chance of winning Dh200 with the flip of a coin, which would you choose? The obvious choice would be the Dh200 option since you would have nothing to lose, yet many people would opt for the safe bet and accept the Dh100.

Here’s why: with a decision comes the very real possibility of making the wrong one. What if I chose the chance of winning Dh200 and lost? I could’ve had Dh100 yet instead got nothing.

In reality, however, I would not really be losing anything, because I would have been starting with zero. Simply put, we’re willing to leave a lot of money on the table to avoid the possibility of losing.

Now, consider this scenario: I’m going to flip a coin and if it’s tails, you’ll have to pay me Dh10,000. How much should heads be worth for this to be acceptable to you? When I ask executives, their answers range from Dh20,000 (which is the statistical average) all the way up to Dh100,000.

Since most people prefer avoiding losses to making gains, the yes needs to be worth at least two times the loss if they are to view it as chance worth taking.

Status quo

If you ever start to say no primarily to avoid a possible loss, the chances are, your rationale is this: sticking with the status quo feels much better, even if we know it’s costing us money. Adherents to this philosophy feel safe, but rarely experience the thrill of winning.

Of course, all this is not to say that “no” is always the wrong choice. On the contrary, it can often be a good call. The Apple design chief, Jony Ive, reminisces about Steve Jobs, “He would try to help me improve my focus by asking me, ‘How many times did you say no today?’”

To have extreme, laserlike focus, Jobs was always willing to reject a lot of opportunities, even if they sounded great. In his opinion, the more “no” responses, the better.

Ive says that at Apple, “There are a thousand nos for every yes.” But crucially, the no is in order to say yes. When you say yes too frequently, it hinders focus.

Prioritising

In another example, Warren Buffett reportedly gave Mike Flint, his personal pilot for 10 years, a simple lesson on prioritising. While talking with Flint about his career priorities, Buffet said, “You must have dreams greater than flying me around.” Flint confessed, “Of course.”

Here’s the exercise Buffet gave to his pilot: first, make a list of 25 career goals. Second, do some soul-searching and circle the five highest-priority goals. Just five.

After Flint made his list and circled his top five, Buffett asked him “And what about the ones you didn’t circle?”

Flint replied, “Well, the top five are my primary focus, but the other 20 come in a close second. They are still important to me, so I’ll work on those intermittently as I see fit. They are not as urgent, but I still plan to give them a dedicated effort.”

“Say ‘no’ to them. Avoid them at all costs.” Buffet urged Flint. They’re what will distract you from the goals that really matter.

The relationship between yes and no can be confusing and dichotomous. Prematurely saying no shuts down opportunity, yet unlimited yes answers may distract you from your path to achievement.

Say no ... so you can say yes. But be sure you’re saying no in order to focus, not to avoid a loss.

The writer is a CEO coach and author of “Leadership Dubai Style”. Contact him at tsw@tommyweir.com.