There can be few more disturbing physical changes encountered by cancer sufferers than those of Hollywood actor Patrick Swayze shortly before his death in September 2009.
Looking gaunt, old and almost unrecognisable from the young actor who made his name as the sexy, hip-swinging dance teacher in the iconic film Dirty Dancing, it was clear this was the fight of his life. Several pictures of him in a book about his battle with pancreatic cancer paint a bleak picture.
Yet it’s his widow, Lisa Niemi Swayze, to whom he was married for 34 years, who decided to include those pictures to illustrate her book Worth Fighting For – a memoir charting her husband’s illness from initial diagnosis to tragic end, encompassing his periods of dramatic weight loss and the couple’s attempts to fend off the paparazzi.
The pictures were included because she wanted to tell the truth, to provide some guidance for those going through similar situations.
Today, the attractive, blonde 55-year-old former dancer, actress and director reflects that she wanted to explain the 21 months he suffered the disease from a caregiver’s point of view, in order to give support to others facing the same ordeal.
“If you can’t do something constructive from a terrible situation then you’re dishonouring the experience. Some people write a song, others bring an acting part to it, well, I wrote a book.”
When Swayze was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer early in 2008, following symptoms of indigestion and jaundice, it was already at an advanced stage.
As soon as the couple received the diagnosis, he said: “I’m a dead man”. But he never gave up on life and it didn’t stop him embarking on a number of different treatments and making the most of every day.
During those months, Swayze and Lisa renewed their wedding vows, went flying together (they were both pilots), saw the birth of a number of foals on their New Mexico ranch, and he even made a TV series, The Beast, in which he played a macho cop with plenty of fight scenes.
“When he got ill he became an even better person than he already was – kinder, more loving, and really became the man he knew he wanted to be,” says Lisa. “There was a humbleness that came out of him, which was stunning.”
Together they wrote his autobiography, The Time Of My Life, for which he also did an audio recording, published soon after his death. “We knew there wasn’t any cure but our fervent hope was that he would live long enough for some kind of meaningful treatment to come along, which would give him more lasting quality time. Unfortunately, that wasn’t to be.”
Putting everything down on paper was cathartic, Lisa agrees, although she admits it took a long time to pick up the pieces of her life and move on. Two years after Swayze’s death she still hadn’t felt strong enough to remove his clothes from the ranch. She packed them away, however, and redecorated their bedroom in a shade of bright coral, the wildest colour she could live with.
When he died, she couldn’t bear to look at photographs of him, although some have remained in her living space. “Sometimes they are wonderful and sometimes they hurt,” she confides. “I was told by other people that at one point, all the good things that happen in your life will give you comfort rather than hurt you. I have seen the first glimmer of that possibility.”
Lisa and Swayze met when she was 14 and he was 18 at his mother’s dance studio in Houston, Texas.
They were married in 1975 and struggled to make ends meet as dancers in their early years, until he hit the big time with Dirty Dancing in 1987, followed by the blockbuster hit, Ghost. Despite some turbulent times and his battle with alcohol, they stayed together.
He once said: “Our fights are huge, but our love is huge.” Those fights and Swayze’s drinking ultimately led to a year-long separation in 2003, but they managed to sort out their differences and were reunited.
Lisa didn’t seek any counselling after Swayze died, although she did pick up the phone in the middle of the night a few times to call close friends, she admits. At first, she wanted to hide away, didn’t want to drag herself from her bed and each day was a struggle.
“The first two years were really hard. I had no idea how difficult loss like this can be,” she says. “It shakes you to your foundations. For the first year I understood why spouses follow their mates into death. It’s like your body is not your own. Three or four months after that, I started to have one good day and then two. Now it’s infinitely more manageable.
“I’ve made a close-knit group of girlfriends who are widows. Two of my closest friends lost their husbands to pancreatic cancer also, and we help each other out.”
Swayze may no longer be with Lisa in body, but she feels he is with her in spirit all the time. “I talk to him and not always out loud, although perhaps I should. In real life, I expected him to read my thoughts and he’s probably saying now, ‘I’m still not a mind reader’.”
She is now channelling much of her energy into the Patrick Swayze Pancreas Research Fund at Stanford University and is spokesperson for the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network.
“It can be hard because you’re revisiting an illness that took your husband’s life, but if I’m ever going to help the situation, now’s the time to do it. Again, it’s taking a terrible situation and doing your best to be constructive with it.
“Patrick battled so bravely and amazingly. Just because he’s gone doesn’t mean this fight is over. I am carrying on for him. I’m going to make sure this illness is dealt with.”
Today, she divides her time between New Mexico and Los Angeles. “The emotions that happened early on were bigger than loneliness. Since then, loneliness has hit me at different times.”
Lisa didn’t rule out finding love again. “I hope I’m not one of those women who never wants to have another relationship,” she said after Swayze’s death. In December last year the Daily Mirror newspaper in the UK reported Lisa had found happiness again with jeweller Albert DePrisco, who she met at her birthday party two years ago and married this year. Talking to People magazine after her wedding, Lisa said: “I have to say, that the love I have for Patrick was never in conflict or competition with my feelings for Albert.” But accepting his proposal was “a leap of faith”.
“Albert knew I still loved Patrick and would always love him, and told me, ‘and I know you love me, and I love you.’ How could I not marry this man? I [knew] that I’d never be able to replace Patrick.
“I could say that it’s Albert’s heart, his generosity, his personal strength, and his sense of fun, as some of the reasons why I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, and they would be true.”
Worth Fighting For by Lisa Niemi Swayze is published by Simon & Schuster, priced £16.99.
