Dubai: As the world marks International Friendship Day on July 30, friends in the UAE may as well call themselves family – or framily.
Expats, many of whom live away from blood relatives back home, said they cannot imagine life without the support of these framilies that have been formed and nurtured over the years. A framily is a social group determined by the belief that good friends are the family we can choose for ourselves.
They said from day-to-day socialising and holidaying together to supporting each other during medical, financial or even family crises, friends in the UAE are there for each other through thick and thin.
Nothing can perhaps illustrate this better than the case of Dubai-based Briton Claire Grainger, 43, who has had three brain tumours and multiple granulomas in her body. She suffers from a rare disease that affects her lymph system and internal organs - Stage 4 sarcoidosis and neurosarcoidosis – and has battled several other complications including osteoporosis, skin cancer, polyarthritis, stroke, epilepsy, meningiomas and pneumonia. She has had over 40 surgeries and can’t even count the number of times she has visited a doctor or hospital. But if there’s one thing that has remained a constant through this journey fraught with uncertainties, it is the support of those around her.
And no, we’re not talking only about her husband Paul Scott, whom she met and married in 2013. It’s also the long list of friends that have stood by her since she was diagnosed with her condition in 2007. “I still remember the day of my first attack. I went into a panic as my head hurt, my face became swollen on one side and my eyes began to bleed. I was alone, but somehow I managed to call my friend Mandy. She’ll never know how much it meant to me when she dropped everything and came to take me to hospital and looked after me over the next few days.”
Claire, who is a senior partner with an advocates and legal consultancy Naji Beidoun, said she has approximately 10 very close friends, who include some of her colleagues and her housekeeper Merly, whom she can always count upon. “The support I get from my colleagues Maria, Janet, Joy, Fairouz, Jayantha, Alona and Clementine is rock solid. So is that from my friends outside the office - Zue, Pedro, Dani, Tim and Sherry, besides Mandy. There’s also Jason who phones me every single day to make sure I am okay. And of course my housekeeper Merly who is my second mum. My husband and I are so thankful for all that these people do for us. Family is not defined by blood relationships, but by people who stick by us no matter what.”
While Claire’s is an extraordinary story, there are number of examples of how framily support makes a difference to lives in the UAE.
A Filipino receptionist, who did not want to be named, said his life was on the brink when he ran into heavy debt a few years ago. “I have no family here but a few friends came to my rescue and bailed me out. I was in a very bad shape and an elderly couple, whom I’ve known for many years, provided me with food for days. They are family to me.”
Dr Rory Maccarthy, clinical psychologist at Counselling and Development Clinic, recalled how a French couple who were on the verge of divorce changed their mind thanks to a close friend who left her home and hearth to stay with them to help sort out their differences.
“Back home, we have family to talk to us, advise and help us. But here, we depend on good friends. Human beings are social beings and cannot survive on their own. No matter how independent we are, we need the support of others. So friends are important to our well-being.”
Key to happiness
Several studies conducted in the West have shown that having good friends is key to good health and happiness. According to one survey, one in four adults spends more time with friends than relatives with nearly 70 per cent saying they would give their best friend the status of a family member. In another study, a large majority of people said they find friends more meaningful and helpful than family.
Even where large families with strong ties exist in the UAE, friends enjoy a special bonding. Sangeetha Singhvi, a housewife with a wide circle of friends, said she particularly treasures the bond she shares with two of them: Rashmi Duggal and Santosh Kaplesh. “We have been staying on the same floor of a building in Sharjah for 13 years. We are very thick and are known as the three musketeers. We meet each other every day for tea and plan many family dos and vacations together. In fact, the three of us are on a staycation at Burj Al Arab this week,” she added.
Members of another group, that prides itself with strong friendships forged in Abu Dhabi, said their social calendar is invariably full, thanks to the framily.
“We celebrate all our birthdays and anniversaries together. We go to movies, try out restaurants and picnic together. Our husbands work for the same company and we go back a long way. Over the decades, we have become like one big family.” So to all good friends out there, Happy Framily Day!
YOUSPEAK
How important are friends in your life? Tell us your experience.
Write to us at:
editor@xpress4me.com
Whatsapp: 056 508 9988