When school starts with tears: How to help kids cope with first-day anxiety

You have to let go of her hand. She will be fine.

Despite repeated reassurances, Dubai-based Miraya, a sales-professional was unsettled, the first time that she dropped off her child at school. Her daughter had already started crying in the car, to the point she insisted that she wanted home. “I was frazzled, too. I didn’t know how to calm her down anymore, and she knew that I was agitated,” she says. So, when she tried to leave her daughter at school, she refused to let go. The teachers tried to explain that all will be fine, and after an hour of coaxing, Miraya finally could leave. “I felt guilty at first. The thought strikes you, ‘Are you doing something terrible? What could I have done better?’

The truth is, school readiness goes far beyond that tearful drop-off. There’s often a mix of excitement and anxiety—for both parents and children. But how can you tell the difference between normal first-day jitters and signs that your child may not be ready?

We spoke to Nathalie Barsoumian, consultant in education and founder of Dubai's Handprint Early Chidhood Centre, and Hanan Ezzeldin, founder of The Family Hub, who will be speakers at Dubai's Baby Expo, about the real signs of school readiness and how to help your child feel confident about this big step.

What does readiness look like?  

Readiness isn’t only about an age. As Ezzeldin explains, “Every child develops at their own pace so age isn’t the only factor that can determine accurately their school readiness.”

Social readiness

She says that there are three variables that can determining ‘their own personal right time’. The first sign lies in their social readiness, where they understand emotional cues, or begin to understand how to regulate their own emotions, as well as follow directions from others.

Cognitive readiness

The second sign, is the cognitive readiness where they start to show curiosity beyond their immediate world, and understand basic concepts such as same, different, big, small, as well as understand letters, numbers and colours.

Independence and life skills

“The third sign is the evolvement of their self independence. These include taking care of their basic needs, such as have basic hygiene skills of washing their hands and cleaning after the toilet, opening a lunchbox, putting on a jacket, understand routines and basic schemas and so can transition between activities and locations,” adds Ezzeldin.

Barsoumian echoes similar sentiments and says, “Another big consideration is emotional regulation. In other words, it means the child can easily separate from their caregiver with some confidence to a certain extent of course. Are they able to engage in group play and start building relationships? When these aspects come together, we can say that the child is ready for the next step.”

How to handle resistance

No doubt, most children will resist. For many, it might even the first time being away from their parents for a long time. And it does hurt too, for a parent to see their child cry. The anxiety heightens. For instance, Dubai-based Apeksha Sridhar, regretfully admits that she took her child back from school, on the first day. "I think, she saw my worry too and got more anxious," she says.

Barsoumian explains how to deal with the resistance. “If a child resists the idea of going to school, first, we should acknowledge the feelings.” Let them know that it okay to feel nervous. You can build gentle excitement by discussing fun school activities with your child. “You can pack the lunchbox together, and prepare the clothes. What is actually important, is that you need to avoid pressure.”

Moreover, school nerves are normal and a part of every child’s school experience, explains Ezzeldin. “The sense of anticipation of going somewhere new and going alone with new children and adults, is overwhelming. Parents shouldn’t be too concerned at first. Different children take different time periods to settle in. Some are fine on the first day and others can take weeks, or even months to feel at home.”

You can help and support by taking smaller steps at home, roleplaying, creating playdate opportunities with other children so they get familiar, sticking to school routines, keep screen-time at a minimal and getting involved in volunteering activities in the school. “These all help to create a positive association for the child with the school and establish the readiness we are looking for,”  adds Ezzeldin.

The common mistakes to avoid

Try not to overplay the idea of school in their mind. As Ezzeldin explains, what usually happens is that they get so overwhelmed, and their nerves start taking longer to regulate. “So, saying things like ‘Biiiig School’ and forcing ‘extra academic homework’ instead of playtime as well as forcing them into uncomfortable social situations when they are still not ready is very typical of parents but usually backfire with their children,” she says.

Moreover, one of the other common things parents do, is focus on the cognitive aspect and not enough on emotional readiness. “Sometimes, without paying attention as parents, we share our own anxiety about the change as well. One last thing is the overpreparation, which can overwhelm the child. So the key point here is to keep the experience as joyful and light as possible,” explains Barsoumian.

What you can do at home

Ezzeldin and Barsoumian break it down:

Establish consistent daily routines

·         Maintain regular wake-up times and meal times.

·         Include calm, predictable activities like story time.

·         Consistent routines help children feel secure and better regulate emotions.

 Involve children in simple tasks

Encourage them to:

·         Prepare their clothes for the day.

·         Tidy up toys.

·         Put on their own shoes.

·         These tasks mirror classroom expectations and build independence.

Create a predictable step-by-step routine

·         Use a sequence like:

·         First this happens, then we do that and finally this takes place

·         Apply this structure to daily patterns to create predictability and calm.

Support bedtime with a screen-free wind-down-routine

·         Avoid screen time at least 30 minutes to 1 hour before bed to reduce overstimulation.

·         Follow a calming bedtime sequence:

·         Brush teeth

·         Use the toilet

A consistent bedtime routine improves sleep quality and makes morning transitions, such as going to school, smoother.

What nurseries and parents can do to ensure a smooth handover

Prepare children socially, cognitively, and emotionally

Help children develop:

The ability to follow 2–3 step directions from an adult.

Basic social interaction skills with peers.

Understanding of daily routines and expectations.

Build strong home–nursery–school partnerships

·         Work together as one team to support the child’s development

·         Ensure:

·         Regular updates between parents and nursery staff.

·         Open communication about progress and observations.

·         Discussion of any concerns or challenges.

Collaborate with schools for smooth transitions

·         Partner with schools that share similar values and educational approaches.

·         Organise school visits so children can become familiar with the new environment ahead of time.