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I was checking out online the 10 top spots to celebrate New Year’s in Bengaluru and my wife looked over my shoulder and sniggered.

“This is not for people of your age,” she said. “I intend to get to bed by 9.30pm and not get stuck on the road trying to get back home after the festivities.” (There is a beverage shop after every kilometre on the side of the highways, so you can imagine driving here on New Year’s Eve).

When I read the reviews of the fun spots, I realised my wife is right. Most of the venues required that you quaff a lot of beverages and dance wildly to extremely loud music that some famous DJs will play for you.

The entrance ticket prices for kids aged between 5 to 12 years was starting at Rs2,000 (Dh105) while children even younger than that could get in free. “They are letting kids into these wild spots late into the night,” I told my wife huffily. Why I was miffed is because elderly people on the other hand are always looked upon as an after-thought in our society. The senior citizens never get discounts at such crazy parties that celebrate the start of a New Year and the ending of an old one.

And they are not allowed into certain places. It is downright ageist. Take for instance this signboard in the children’s playground in one gated community that warns oldies to keep off the swings and other play equipment, which I thought was mean, since old age is like a second childhood.

Time sure passes fast even when you are not having fun and before you know it the year has passed and your friends who are just a few months younger, start sending you jokes and cartoons about deafness, forgetfulness and incontinence.

Tying the flab tight

One year I made a resolution to lose the flab around my waist and hopefully get back into the wedding suit that my wife had still kept with love and a few mothballs. “The only way I can ever wear this jacket is if I tie a tie around my waist to stop the buttons from popping open, I told my wife. “I will look like the guys who open the door for you at the hotel entrance,” I said.

After a few futile attempts at changing myself I stopped following the age-old ritual of making New Year’s resolutions.

“You have apps nowadays that help keep your New Year’s resolutions”, said my wife, sorry that time was catching up with me fast and that I was still trying to keep my resolutions that I had made in the late 1990s.

According to PC Mag, some of the most popular apps are: Trying to Lose Weight, Eat Right, Stop Smoking and Get a Better Job.

To quit the coffin nails, the app has a personalised coach that gives you tips and you can take it a step further and add a virtual hypnotherapist that lulls you into a happy stress-free state where you finally do not need the nicotine fix. The app for Getting a Better Job puts you in touch with possible employers and gives you a lowdown on the pay packages. It also helps prepare a winning resume and will coach you on how to ace the interview.

I was still searching for fun places when it was decided that top picnic spots just out of Bengaluru, would be closed from 4pm, till the 12am. It was decided to close Nandi Hills as people were falling off the cliff last year and also close access to the Muthathi River to prevent drownings.

Mahmood Saberi is a storyteller and blogger based in Bengaluru, India.Twitter: @mahmood_saberi.