The prank that sent me into hiding

Sometimes, you come across a person whose utterances, actions and body language impel you to do some mischief to him and then enjoy the outcome. An aunt was one such person.

During my boyhood, I certainly had no intention to play a prank on her. But, I was motivated to do so when I found a couple of those pink coloured telegram forms that used to be delivered to the addressee by India's Post and Telegraph Department with hand written messages on them.

As I looked at the blank forms, my brain cells started churning various schemes to harass somebody.

Suddenly, I remembered that for quite some time, aunty had been imploring, rather pestering, my uncle to let her go to Agra to meet her brother RS and his newly-wed wife Manno. But uncle was not willing. Aunty was greatly upset. And that gave me food for thought.

I made my cousin, her own son, to scribble a message on the pink coloured blank telegram form like the telegraph department staffers did it. The message, addressed to uncle, read. "Manno seriously ill. Send sister imdtly - RS."

Now, how to forge a "realistic" postal stamp mark on the telegram? I managed a cap of a fountain pen inkbottle to do the needful, placed a black carbon paper at the desired place and then the cap.

A circle was drawn around it and date etc filled up so as to make it look real. I felt delighted and highly satisfied over my (misplaced?) ingenuity. But what about the official envelope? Well, I decided to do without it.

Telegram

So, as per the plan, I distracted my aunty while my cousin rang the doorbell. She asked me to find out who was at the door. I rushed out and ran to her with the telegram. Pretending to have thrown away the envelope outside, I unfolded the telegram in front of my aunt.

It would be relevant to point out that arrival of a telegram had always given the jitters, especially to women in most Indian homes. Aunty was no exception.

"What is it about?" she asked with obvious anxiety. I told her, "It is from uncle RS in Agra, says Aunty Manno is seriously ill and wants you to visit them immediately".

Remaining engrossed with some stitching work she had on her hand, she mumbled, "Yes, she was not well for some time. Maybe, something has gone wrong all of a sudden. I had been wanting to go to Agra but your uncle would not realise allow me."

By now she had decided to leave for Agra immediately. And within minutes, she had packed her suitcase.

Aunty was all dressed up for the journey and only waited for uncle's return from his clinic. The moment, he arrived, she placed the telegram in front of him and rather gave him a virtual ultimatum.

While she asked him for money, uncle looked intently at the telegram. He smelt something fishy about it but could not identify it.

The sight of my doctor uncle trying to "diagnose" the telegram frightened me and my cousin. We watched the scene nervously from a corner of the door.

And then suddenly, uncle burst into laughter. He told aunty, "This is not a real telegram. It is a fake. It looks that these boys have again played a prank on you."

Cross-questioned

When aunty cross-questioned him, uncle told her that RS, who was too young, (almost the age of his sons) would not use his spouse's name "Manno" while addressing the telegram to an elderly person like him. At the most he would have used the expression "wife", uncle explained.

In the social set-up of those days, men and their wives did not address one another by name. Few who did were often frowned upon.

So, RS taking such a liberty was unthinkable. But this never occurred to this writer who belonged to the Gen-X of that time.

Aunty was furious and to escape her wrath, I remained underground for 4-5 days.

I had preserved the other blank telegram form "for some other day" but having seen the hurt I had caused to my aunty I tore it and threw it away.

Lalit Raizada is a journalist based in India.