Discretion is the better part of valour

No one should underestimate the power of persuasion possessed by two groups of people - one's peers and school teachers. Most parents have come up against the wall of resistance comprising the words "But teacher said so". This sentence has often proved to be the undoing of parental efforts to make a youngster attempt a new approach to problem solving. Try convincing them that yours is the right way and you might as well beat your head against a brick wall, an experience which only inflicts pain on oneself while the object against which one has pitted one's strength remains impervious.

Peer pressure is just as all-pervasive. It's strange to contemplate how hard we strive to be like the rest of our group of friends or schoolmates in contrast to later in life when we try our best to dare to be different. If only there could be a reversal of these roles it would make life so much simpler. Imagine wanting to be different from your pals as a youngster. That would mean parents would never have to hear the phrase "But all my friends wear/do that". What music to parents' ears to hear that their young ones have a mind of their own and want to tread the untrodden path. No more whining about wanting something simply because "all my friends have that or do that". Teenage tantrums would be unheard of and all the angst of adolescence would be a thing of the past.

Sore thumb

For youngsters standing out in a crowd means only one thing - sticking out like a sore thumb. So, they will dress the same as their peers, act the same and think the same. Being different is about as welcome as writing one's own epitaph. Parents wait and watch and learn to choose their words and battles with care. There must be no criticism of their choice of friends and, however abhorrent the idea, one must also pretend to appreciate or at the very least tolerate their wards' taste in buddies, fashion and music. The only consolation is that one fine day they will outgrow all this and finally find their true selves.

Of course by the time that happens their elders won't be interested in replicas of themselves and will hanker after the past and wonder whatever happened to those cute youngsters. They will fondly imagine a time when these young ones hung on to their every word, obeyed their commands and were generally lovable. Needless to say the mists of time obscure many truths as all the frustrations and despair of the parenting job seem a remote memory.

As for teachers, I would advise parents not to try to compete with these paragons in the eyes of children. Defeat is a bitter pill to ingest. So, swallow your pride and the next time your young one starts with the ominous phrase "My teacher says...", take a deep breath, bite your lip and count to ten before you react. Never be foolish enough to challenge the teacher's credentials in the presence of the child. Those rose-coloured spectacles won't be dimmed by the verbal questioning of their mentor's qualifications.

Child's objections

Parents are known to counter a child's objections to certain household rules with a simple logic-defying "Because I say so" when confronted with rational reasoning. Similarly, when the topic of teachers comes up and you are tempted to show her up and impress your child with your superior knowledge, I advise you to say to yourself "I shall not breathe a word". Repeat this mantra if you are not completely convinced of its efficaciousness at first. Sooner or later the mindless repetition will have dulled your brain and brought some inner peace. And if, despite this exercise, that inner voice questions why, respond with a simple "Because".

You may choose to heed my advice or ignore it. But let me warn you that if you were ever to say to your child "It's my way or...", remember that the highway is a dangerous and lonely place to be in whatever your mode of transport.