New Cayenne is more Porsche than ever before

In the beginning, there was the 356. (Well, OK, actually it was the Beetle, but just stay with me here...)

Then, Porsche designed a car that the under-powered 356 should have been from the start, and called it the 911 (it would've been the 901 had Peugeot not thrown a fit about all three digit designations with an 0 in the middle belonging to them).

And then, nothing. Porsche was making the 911, what more did you want? The 911 was Porsche.

The need for more cash — only to inject into further 911 development, you see — resulted in the 914, the various front-engined exercises starting with the 924 and ending with the 968 and more recently, the Cayenne.

Oh how we cried, kicked and screamed at the abomination that was the 2002 Cayenne... But whichever camp you're standing in, you have the hideous SUV to thank for the excellence of Porsche's proper sportscars.

 Let's try that again...

"The new Cayenne is more Porsche than ever before."

I keep hearing this again and again at the press launch. I imagine it's a bit like saying "This new soy milk is more milk than ever before". Well, yeah, but it's still not milk.

To be fair, what we all have to accept is that Porsche is a car manufacturer these days, not a sportscar manufacturer. And that's fine because we all have to do what's necessary to survive. Whatever floats your boat, you know, or in the car industry, whatever makes you money. And admittedly, the old Cayenne was never a bad car, just not nearly what any self-respecting Porsche-phile would call a Porsche.

It was still arguably at the top of the SUV pile, despite sharing its platform with the perfect antonym for sportiness — the Volkswagen Touareg. Dealers shifted nearly 300,000 examples off their showroom floors worldwide, with almost a tenth of those finding homes in our region.

This new one is more dynamic, both in styling and in performance, more efficient, more spacious and even somehow manages to buck the trend and tip the scales lighter than before. If we start with the Turbo, we're talking about a two-tonne, 500bhp beast here, so shedding weight is always welcome. And I think we'll stick with the Turbo for the majority of this article, since it's the one I spent most time in — I'll let you know how the Cayenne S carried itself off-road in a moment... (Very well. Sorry, I'm bad at suspense.)

A 4.8-litre twin-turbo V8 still powers the Turbo, still making 500bhp and still making them all at 6,000rpm. Torque is also unchanged with 700Nm of the stuff coming in at four and a half grand. Sounds like a Transsyberia so far...

But no, because putting the power down to all four wheels is a new eight-speed Tiptronic S (with auto start-stop), which cuts the acceleration time by four-tenths to 4.7 seconds. So, incredibly, this 2,170kg SUV (used to be 2,355kg) is quicker than a Panamera S and will run a Carrera 4S neck and neck down the line. And rather conveniently, the Cayenne Turbo will also give nothing away to the 547bhp X5M and the X6M.

Even top speed is improved — although by three irrelevant kph — and the car feels remarkably stable at high speeds. More so, astonishingly, than our now sadly gone Nissan GT-R.

You can cruise in the Turbo alarmingly quickly with the brilliant sound-deadening and muted engine giving no hints of the suicidal velocities.

How did they do it? Well, for one, they're Germans, and secondly, the new Cayenne benefits from a weight-optimised mix of materials such as the new lightweight all-wheel drive.

New technologies in the form of thermal management systems (warming up the car much quicker, and therefore wasting less fuel) and construction techniques such as a more extensive use of aluminium and magnesium increase efficiency, save weight and improve engine response. So while on paper the Turbo's powertrain may sound like the old unit, it's actually an all-new engine line-up in this generation of Cayenne. Especially when you consider the V6 diesel, surprisingly making its way to our region, and, for the first time in a Porsche, the supercharged V6 in the hybrid car.

For the twin-turbo V8, Porsche has also designed a new crankshaft, 0.6kg lighter than the old one. It's all in the details, so the Turbo actually manages to waft around burning 25mpg if you're careful. Even more impressive are the emissions figures; at 270g/km of C02, the Cayenne Turbo is much, much cleaner than its competition.

In fact there are way too many technical changes in the new Cayenne line to summarise here. Just believe me when I tell you that everything is new, because now we have to spend some time mulling over the looks.

 Pretty pepper

There is no arguing that the old Cayenne always resembled a rushed attempt to stick a 911 on stilts. The result was, I think it's safe to say, something only a mother could love. (Even then I think it wasn't exactly unconditional.)

This is a lot better.

With a 40mm longer wheelbase (48mm longer overall) and at 11mm wider, the car somehow pulls off that trick of appearing smaller than it is. This effect is mirrored in the driving experience, as the Cayenne enjoys swift steering wheel movements and throttle inputs, shrugging them off as if it was a hot hatch half the size.

Anyway, the sloping front, raised wings and shark-mouth do a much better job of emulating the 911 design language.

The curvier bonnet, relocated badge (now in its rightful spot on the bonnet), dynamic rear lights and elegant window profile give it a classier aura.

It's not vulgar any more, it's actually stylish. Other road users might even let you merge this time around.

There are much bolder body contours too, giving it less of an SUV shape. The rear shoulder line, for example, isn't so angular any more. It's all softer and more welcoming. Inside it's a minefield of buttons. Just like in the Panamera, there is a specific button for everything, so go crazy with the options list and you will end up confused even if you're an Airbus A380 pilot.

There is no doubting that it's so much sturdier and ergonomical than before. The rising centre console, especially, wraps around you more comfortingly, providing grab-handles in a logical position this time.

And you'll be happy to know that the rear bench now also folds in the way you want it.

 Steamrolling

With the Turbo, it's too easy to rack up speeding fines. Its pick-up is phenomenal and marvellously lag-free. Stomp on it, and you don't become a living bobblehead doll. You just gently lean back in your leather seat as the ferocious 4.8-litre ahead pulls you towards some jail time. The figures only tell half the tale. It's the mid-range grunt that's truly impressive, with the eight-speed Tiptronic seemingly not breaking a sweat while attending to your speed-devil needs.

Call on the brakes and the gearbox immediately springs to action, shifting down for the engine to help out. And because of the improved electronics, you'll brake straight and true time and again, with even massive triple-digit speed shedding not emitting the slightest tyre wail.

Best of all is the Turbo's ability to disguise its (admittedly pared-down) weight and (increased) size. You'll feel more confident behind the heavy steering wheel than you would in a Panamera. Its commanding driving position gives you better visibility and more assurance as to the car's extremities, so placing it on a fil through a corner is a breeze. Yanking on the wheel also doesn't really faze the car. I'd go as far as to say that it's more fun to drive than the lardy Panamera, in whatever form it comes.

Though it's not as clinical in its handling as the X5M, which in my opinion tries way too hard to be a sportscar. Which is why it can't match the Turbo when it comes to cruising ability, ride comfort and composure — the X5M is too highly-strung. The Turbo just does.

You can even take it off-road. Though not the Turbo, of course, that comes with 21in wheels. A Cayenne S with 18in wheels and tyres will be just fine despite not having a locking diff. With an ultra-low first gear, you can get out of a rut reasonably easily, but you shouldn't even get into one provided you don't try to tackle the sink-holes in Liwa. Our off-roading route was mildly interesting (my Jimny handles it in two-wheel drive), but still, it was a fair testament to the Cayenne S's off-roading abilities in that we made it with no fuss. You don't even need to activate Off-road Mode in the Tiptronic S, you just go ahead and see how far you get in normal mode with the traction control off. If it starts getting slippery, then you can call on the clever gearbox.

Our instructor during the test drive event did get a bit carried away, demonstrating the Cayenne's biggest off-roading hurdle by half-ripping its front bumper off during some ludicrously unnecessary dune shenanigans considering we were in a Dh300K luxury SUV. Without the bodykit, you'd be tailing Wranglers, as the old Transsyberia proved.

 Verdict

With the new generation car, for the first time, I'm not going to laugh at a Cayenne driver. Seeing a guy at the wheel of one will only tell me that he's made the right choice: speed, build quality, badge prestige, economy (and low emissions) and even looks are on the Cayenne's side. Many SUVs can offer you great off-roading ability, or great on-road performance, but not both at the same time. While the Cayenne doesn't really make any promises when it comes to serious off-roading, at least it's nice to know that it can. Sort of.

Which is more than its serious rivals can say.

And on the road it's still untouchable, putting everything else to shame — be it a Bimmer, Audi or Range Rover — when it comes to engineering or the driving experience. It seems like we can finally start coming to terms with the fact that Porsche is a car maker, not a sportscar maker. But if they keep churning out stuff like the new Cayenne, that shouldn't be so hard to accept.

Specs & Rating

Model Cayenne Turbo

Engine 4.8-litre V8 twin-turbo Transmission Eight-speed auto AWD

Max power 500bhp @ 6,000rpm

Max torque 700Nm @ 2,250rpm

Top speed 278kph

0-100kph 4.7sec

Price Dh474,721

Plus The rest just got toppled, this is how you make an SUV

Minus Err, not a serious off-roader