It's been almost two years but Rob is still struggling to come to terms with breaking up with his last serious girlfriend.
They had been together three years and friends for six months before that, and Rob was so convinced Wendy was the one that he felt certain that they would eventually marry and, in his own words, "do the whole kids thing".
Yet with thoughts starting to turn to finding a ring and the right romantic moment to drop on to one knee and pop the big question, life was suddenly turned upside down when Wendy announced that it was over.
"I'm still not sure what shocked me the most," said Rob, a 32-year-old banker. "My response to breaking up and the way I was totally floored, or the fact that I just did not seeing it coming."
Moving on, he readily admits, has been very difficult. "I keep looking back and try to put my finger on what happened and why. Wendy said she had been unhappy for a while and felt that we had been slowly drifting apart, but that's not the way I see it or remember it at all."
Face the reality
Whatever the truth, the harsh reality is that it's over. Done. Finito. It's time to throw out or give away anything that reminds you of your ex, from those loving photos of the two of you on a romantic holiday abroad to that birthday jumper you can now admit to never liking that much in the first place.
If home still holds too many painful memories of times past together, try changing things around with some new furniture or invest in a new and bold colour scheme. And don't forget to delete your ex's number from your mobile along with any old text messages squirreled away in your inbox.
These are all relatively easy things to do, but most of us still find it hard to let go and move forward, particularly when so much emotional energy has been committed to a relationship that ends in a way we did not want. And that is totally natural after devoting months or years to a person who was integral to our life.
Mike, a 28-year-old nurse, told me that a traumatic break up soon after he left university had made him a different person. "It toughened me up in lots of ways," he said. "I was head over heels with this girl. She had been my first serious girlfriend and we really connected, and I thought we were really happy.
"She then got a job in a different part of the country and I was ready to follow her, to try and work in the same area but she wanted to go on her own. It made me feel as if all the time we had spent together before meant nothing and that I had been used because it turned out she never believed that we had a long-term future together.
"That was a big lesson for me. It made me harder emotionally and it took me a while to let my guard down in new relationships because for a long time I was frightened that I was going to get hurt again." Mike plays football to a reasonable amateur level and says that sport proved to be a very useful outlet for some of his anger and frustration at the time.
"I'm not a clogger but straight after that break-up I found myself going in for the ball much harder than I had ever done before and fouling people. I don't feel great about what I did... I was getting into trouble with referees and got sent off a couple of times before I calmed down and things went back to normal.
"My football definitely helped me though. Without it I might have gone and done something really stupid."
Dealing with heartache
It's far easier, of course, to get over a break-up if you're the one instigating the split or there has been a mutual decision to go your separate ways although this tends to be relatively rare. The truth is that at some point most of us will have to deal with the heartache and feelings of rejection, loneliness and vulnerability that follow a break-up in much the same way as you can predict that someone is sure to tire of that long queue at the post office and try to barge in right at the front.
Common advice at a time like this is to try and count yourself lucky for escaping a relationship that clearly was not right and try to move forward in search of a woman far more worthy of your trust and love but that's easier said than done. Yet, with time, things can and often do get better.
James, a recently married 36-year-old project manager, said he went through a particularly difficult break-up in his mid-20s that led to a lot of soul searching. "That was the second or third time in a row that I had been dumped," he said. "It made me question what kind of person I was, how I treated the people in my life and why this seemed to keep happening to me.
"It gave my self-confidence a real battering but in the end I think I came out of it stronger.I had been meeting the same type of girl with the same kind of results so I made changes to my life... I took myself off backpacking around Europe for a couple of months, and that did a lot for my confidence and self esteem.
"And when I got home I decided to finally get on and try some activities I had always been meaning to do. I joined a sailing club and made some new friends, and with a new job as well my life starting moving in a new direction.
"I think I had a better sense of purpose and I was more comfortable with myself. Maybe that was an important factor in helping me move on."
Not that easy
Rob admits that he has found it far harder to accept the reality of his situation and roll forward, even two years down the line. "I'm sick of people telling me to get over what happened," he said. "And if my mother ever says to me again 'there are plenty more fish in the sea' then I'm going to scream. I know what I need to do but it's very difficult to let go."
Attempts at dating have not been a great success though Rob accepts the blame for that lies squarely at his own door. "I find myself comparing anyone I meet with my old girlfriend," he said. "Until I get my head totally round the fact that we're not going to get back together, it's almost a waste of time me going out with anyone new."
At least Mike feels as if he is in a better place right now. "It did take time to get myself straight and I swore that I would never get serious with anyone ever again," he said." But gradually I was able to relax and enjoy being single again. I've been out with a few different women now, and have learned to take things nice and slowly and not feel offended or bad if things don't work out."
10 steps to picking up the pieces
1. Look after yourself. It's important to stay fit, eat well and feel good about yourself instead of moping around and losing self-esteem
2. Anger and sadness are common feelings in the aftermath of a break-up; it helps to find healthy outlets for these emotions such as sport or keeping a diary
3. Don't be frightened to have the odd man cry, it's allowed! This is another good way to cleanse you of pent-up emotions
4.It's healing to talk at a time like this, particularly with friends you feel 'safe' with and can let go with instead of keeping feelings bottled up inside
5. But don't overdo it, talking nonstop for weeks about your ex would test the patience of even your best friend
6. Resist the temptation to be hard on yourself. Precious few people can control who they love and who they don't
7. Don't call your ex and try to get back together. It's over!
8. And try to avoid interacting with your former better half though this can be hard if you two work together
9. Start dating again but only when you're ready and at your own pace
10. Don't go looking for a new and improved version of your ex ... she doesn't exist
