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In the last column I spoke about how our reactions hold information about us. (“Your reactions are important because it holds information about ‘you’). And how these clues can be utilised for growth in the journey of self-realisation/ self-discovery.

Know that this information is not to be processed from the space of self-judgement, but is to be treated merely as a piece of valuable knowledge about self, that is reflected to self, from others. And to be course-corrected if required. Humans mostly function from the space of pre-learnt behaviour patterns carried out unconsciously. As such, the reactions of others hold a mirror to teach the individual, by bringing that information to the fore. An indicator as to what not to do and what to do. Simplified, an awareness of certain belief structures/action/behaviour/attitude that tends to throw one in a tailspin.

Others Help in Self-Realisation Journey

From that perspective, do you notice that to discover the self, to realise the self, you need others? Those closest to you can be the harshest teachers, yet assisting you the most, in your journey of self-realisation, in your inner desire to re-discover self? They can be parents, spouses, relatives or in-laws, close friends, teachers and so on.

The inner desire to self-discover is the reason why you want to release negative emotions. You naturally gravitate towards peace and happiness. Seek it. You intrinsically know that being in the state of peace and happiness will put you in calmness. So, by default /naturally you are seeking to reach to your core, essential, true spirit Self. And this earthly, personality self, (body-mind) helps you in that process. If you are focused inward, in your own life, then by virtue of self-connection, self-discovery process is faster.

Do know that if you were already there, you wouldn’t seek. Others are helping you in that work of yours. In fact, one is helping the other. Because the other is also looking for the same. That same feeling of peace and happiness that you are after. The purpose of earthly drama is to fulfil this original purpose of self-realisation/ self-discovery. Without interactions, situations will not be played out, things will not come to the fore, and the learning process-es will not happen. Learnings are through experiences.

Experiential Learning

If I have experienced an emotion, I know the ‘taste’ of it. For example, if I have had a roller-coaster ride with anger, I know what anger feels like to me. But since I yearn for, and gravitate to peace, happiness, laughter, joviality, contentment to ‘rest’ there, I know anger is not my ‘natural’ or ‘final’ state. And I know that moving to the opposite (of anger) will give me that respite. The journey is then, to move from anger to laughter, by releasing that lower state of emotion, simply because it doesn’t feel good from inside.

Is that easy? Not every time. One has to reprogram their belief structures, the thought patterns that put them in that lower state, in the first place. This can be done by bringing to the fore the understanding that this ‘my’ work. And reflecting (above example), what anger is showing me;

a) That I can do things differently and not feel helpless in a situation as I used to be in.

b) That I can use my creativity and imagination to change things for the better. It is possible.

c) That it is possible to move to solution/s that do exist, I just have to shift my intention and attention there.

And that anger over another person/ situation, is a mirror that is reflecting to me what needs to be changed about me. You can ask: What is this situation trying to teach me positively, what positive lesson is it holding for me? It is, because if you knew the lesson, the situation wouldn’t arise. Or even if it did, it won’t bother you.

Disclaimer: Urmila Rao is an emotional healer and a forgiveness teacher. All the ideas expressed herein are her own, and not professional advice or medical prescription. Her website is: Email: