Before I start, in answer to all those wondering whatever happened to my challenge to you requesting your ideas about how you might picture me, that competition will be coming to an end soon. And I will honour my promise of a free lunch!
Ms "Heart of the Matter" Jane L wrote in with an interesting observation about the way that people present themselves through their social networking profiles. Jane has experienced the thrill of chatting to strangers to the point where she feels she knows them well enough to risk a chaperoned first meeting. Inevitably, it often transpires that people are "75 per cent less of what they convey via messages". That's one of the reasons why I don't do Facebooking myself.
I think I learned that lesson from childhood when my mum used to buy clothes for me from a catalogue. Everything looked great on the glossy pages until it actually arrived and I was forced to wear it. The initial intention of saving money usually resulted in me customising the garments to such an extent that my mum would ban me from wearing them! Despite now appreciating the budgetary constraints my folks were working within, there was no way I was going to lose my cool and look like a fool!
In a roundabout way, I think Ms Jane was trying to ascertain whether in reality, I was the equivalent of a seemingly fine piece of knitwear or a tacky nylon jumper. To answer your question, I consider myself a premium piece of cashmere, that is affordable for all! To Jane and all those inquisitive about who I really am, I am to be found in various Jumeirah cafes most nights of the week hammering away on my MacBook and nodding away to the choons on my iPod. So if you think you see me, just come by.
Rather unlike cashmere, some readers often find my articles not so smooth to the touch. Sizzling Afsana wrote in, introducing herself as a teenager who is a regular reader and who finds my stuff "sometimes good and interesting and sometimes boring". In that way, I guess that I am a good analogy for life in general – in a way that I provide perfect preparation for the years that stretch ahead of you.
A glowing review came in from Ms Iman who appears to be a huge fan of Friday cover to cover, but in terms of my small contribution, she describes it "as a teenager it rocks my arms off". I consider myself in touch with the youth but I have never heard that phrase! I never imagined that I would be rendering the teens "armless" but if I am, I will gladly accept all your wristwatches you clearly have no further use of!
Every now and again a letter comes in that raises a question that I don't feel best placed to answer. Somebody succinctly monikered "Very Bored" was explaining how she is under pressure from school to improve her English and was appealing to me for tips. As regular readers know, I am probably the worst person to dispense such advice, as my style is to dispense with conventional spelling and grammar and just flow in a way I feel is more conversational.
Despite appreciating the beauty and the importance of mastering language in its correct form, for my means, I need to express myself in a way that is more like a graffiti-splatter-painting than a traditional landscape. By way of advice, I think it's best to use your brush in a way that people can understand, but don't be afraid to use all the colours available to you.
Jackson Pollack-ingly yours.
