Notes to self: Globetrotting writer Gaby Doman on relationships

I’ve been single for years now, bar a few idiot boys who I’ve dated for a few weeks or months. Sometimes I feel really low about it, wondering if I’ll be single forever, why is it that I can’t find anyone and whether I really love Bangkok so much that I’d stay here, despite it being notoriously difficult for women — both local and expat — to meet men here.

Last week I was discussing my dating woes with a girl who has issues similar to mine. I was telling her all the guys I do really like are off limits; they have girlfriends (The Playboy), they barely speak English (Hotty Instructor), etc. I’ve always thought it was just terrible luck that I never go for eligible men. She had a different theory; I am petrified of commitment.

While that is certainly true in any other area of my life (contracts scare me half to death), I told her she was wrong in this instance. Of COURSE I want a boyfriend; I spend half my day scheming ways that I might get Hotty Instructor to notice me. Her words stuck with me, because anyone with a passing interest in pop psychology would think the same thing, but ultimately I shrugged them off.

Until this week. I had one of those moments in a bar when you meet someone and, straight away, you hit it off. I remember thinking “this feels totally like a story that we’ll tell at our wedding” (yes boys, I do have scary thoughts like that, and I’m not the only one).

He’s a good looking Thai boy, but grew up just round the corner from me in the UK. We have a similar sense of humour and just got on really easily. Then came the scariest bit; he was keen — not overly so, just in the way you hope a boy you like would be. He called me. He wanted to take me out to dinner. He suggested we go shopping on the weekend. For some reason I feel a bit claustrophobic at the thought.

When he came over to my flat, I hated it. This is MY territory. I don’t like people snooping around looking at things and asking what everything is and laughing at my messy ways. I don’t like people staying too long when I have things I want to be doing. He’s a lovely guy. I can’t fault him. I don’t know why the situation makes me so uneasy.

All I can imagine is that, just as being a freelancer has made me unemployable (I am too lazy to start work at 9am and too stubborn to have people tell me what to do), I think being single too long has made me un-date-able.

It’s not just this guy; I had a think about The Greek, too. He’s still one of my favourite people to chat with and, often, my friends think I’ll end up with him. Sometimes I’ve thought that too, but when I thought about it the other day, I remembered that we’re not that compatible. At the moment I feel great about my life. I’m doing exactly what I want to do and I don’t feel too self-conscious about things. But, with The Greek, a lot of things I did irritated him and he always told me; walking too fast, folding my arms when I walk, being obsessive about what time it is, turning up early for everything, etc. I can see how all those things are annoying, but I don’t think I want to be reminded of my bad habits all the time.

I think, to be in a relationship, you have to be a really strong person to not compromise yourself too much and, at the moment, I don’t think I’m in the right place.

I’m just starting to enjoy living alone, being able to do exactly what I want with my days and never having to consider anyone else. It’s selfish and fun. Am I scared that it’ll turn me into an even more stubborn old woman? Of course. But right now, I like that I am the only person I have to please.