A common thread in many e-mails is my take on friendships… how to forge them, maintain them and sometimes deal with problems that might arise. I certainly don't pretend to be an expert in any field of life so am not really qualified to give advice, but seeing how this stuff is virtually free I consider myself at least empowered to share my musings on this most complex of areas.
I often ponder what it is that swirls around in the ether that surrounds us, that makes friendships happen. For me, I very much believe that it starts from within and to a degree it depends on our own personal energy, described by many as our individual magnetism. Like the scientific principles of magnetism it's an easy thing to visualise … very simply, some things we are naturally attracted to whereas others naturally repel.
The specifics of what these attributes might be differ for all of us but the principles remain true throughout. Thinking logically, in my experience if I find that I share an interest with someone on a level of sport, music preference, outlook on life then I am likely to feel comfortable in his presence and at least establish a foundation to spend some easy time with him. This interaction might develop into a recognition that we might have a lot more in common, and become more like what feels to me like a real friendship.
I have come to realise that one of the most important landmarks that I need to reach to feel totally comfortable is to be at the point where I can unleash my fully-uncensored sense of humour and exercise my brutal honesty without fear that I may offend. I guess that's what's best defined as being on the same wavelength as others… and for me, sense of humour is almost the deal maker and breaker. I think that I must be easy to like at face value, because I am generally cheeky and frivolous and enjoy overstepping barriers just for my own entertainment.
If I self-analyse further, I am aware that I have the ability to overwhelm some if they are more reserved, so I tend to take note of that and limit my personality with those in the future, as I don't really like to think of myself as intimidating in any way. The only instance where I tend to go hell for leather and not give a flying fiddle about someone's feelings is if I come against a person who is uncontrollably arrogant and so full of himself that the moment resembles the social equivalent of a UFC event. One such occasion was when I found myself at a dinner party.
I can tell you now that the guy I had the misfortune of sitting next to was a colossal bore who acted like he was better than all of us. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I let rip with the full force of my sarcastic, cynical acid tongue and within 15 minutes this guy was so crestfallen that he could barely open his mouth beyond what he needed to do to sup his soup. I felt no guilt and no remorse, my only consideration was for the host of the party, so I left him flat on the canvas out for the count without ripping his head off! I was told afterwards that everybody really enjoyed the evening, apart from one sorry diner, naturally!
I have just realised that I have much more to talk about on this subject so I will pick up in a future article about my thoughts on the factors that blend into the cocktail of the boy/girl whirlpool – but I hope that what I have shared thus far will get you thinking and corresponding.
On a Roll-ingly Yours
