Don't eat like this!

An oft-used phrase in every parent's child-disciplining manual. But there are plenty of other phrases and terms and tricks to use to get your child to behave while eating out.

The child is hungry. Impatient for his food. But he is not allowed to complain. Sitting in posh surroundings, he looks around, eyes darting, alighting on some far-off food plate and even as his stomach does another hunger pang somersault, he is being chided by his mother for staring at other people's food.

Not nice, Tom. Will you please learn to behave yourself?!!

Alas! The road to family dining was never paved with hazelnut toffee.

If you are like most parents, it has been probably a long, long time since you ventured beyond the friendly neighbourhood pizza parlour with your little bundle/s of joy in tow.

But hey, let's get this straight: having kids does not mean that your life is over or that you can never enjoy eating out again.

Agreed, teaching your child to behave like a thorough little gentleman or your girl like a little lady in fine dining places is not the same as reining them in at the beach but it is not an impossible task either. All it requires is preparation, patience and perseverance. Plenty of each.

Lesson No. 1. Start early. By that I don't mean that you should wake up at 5 am and turn your child's bedroom into a classroom for teaching dining etiquette. What you need to do is teach them the rules of behaviour while eating out at a very early age.

Make your child understand why good manners matter, not just in front of his teacher and his grandparents, but also in public places.

If made to practise good manners regularly at home and outside, he will be habituated and that's really the goal,
isn't it?

Out and about
Some kids are a dream in restaurants, others can be a nightmare.

But remember: kids do not misbehave without a reason. Their actions are a result of what they have picked up from their immediate surroundings and that includes learning from you as a parent or from what they have experienced in the family.

While dining-out nightmares can happen to nearly all parents, there are ways to avoid falling into this trap. In this article, we discuss some restaurant survival guidelines and grooming tips for the young.

Almost any restaurant is fine to take your child to, unless otherwise specified. Even if a restaurant does not have a specific menu for children, it will be more than happy to prepare special meals for them.

Slow and steady gets you there
Some parents feel very comfortable taking their kids to an opera, an art exhibition or even to a family get-together.

Because they are confident that they have taught the child the appropriate way to behave in public. If a child is groomed to behave well and the consequences of bad behaviour are spelled out to him fairly and firmly, without making him fearful or terrified, there is no reason for the child to not comprehend what is required of him.

He will end up being comfortable in most settings (assuming the places are okay for a child to be in).

But even as you are reading him the riot act, set yourself a reasonable level of expectations from your child. Do not expect him or her to be the picture of exemplary manners at his very first outing to a fine dining restaurant.

Eating out is a skill and only practice can make it perfect. The only way to teach your little ones how to behave well in a restaurant is to take them to one, to begin with.

Let them experience the ambience, the place, the pace and the act of eating in a setting that has other strange adults and children also eating out.

Also, learn to leave your fears back at home. Most parents are so tense during their child's first dining out experience, they transfer the stress on to the child even without them realising it. Remember, most people do not mind having children's company in restaurants as long as they behave well.

Teaching table manners
Teaching table manners to children is just as important as teaching them how to behave in a restaurant. In fact, the lessons in table manners should ideally begin at home from the time a child is old enough to sit at the dining table.

This way, he is well versed in table manners by the time he gets to the stage when he is eating in a restaurant.

Of course, for the little ones, there are exceptions: like the fact that they can be excused from the table if the meal is an extended one.

Expecting a young child to sit quietly through a protracted meal, much after he has finished eating his, will only result in making him impatient and fidgety.

Patience is the key
Terry van Rooyen, a mother of two girls, recalls an incident when her younger daughter Jemma, who was less than two years old at the time, ended up taking a fancy to the bottle of ketchup on a dining out night.

"She kept banging the bottle on the table," says Terry. "When we tried to take the bottle away from her, she screamed and screamed, causing us immense embarrassment.

"We realised then that this was happening all too often. So we had to curtail our outings till she turned a bit older. We had to teach her that this kind of behaviour was simply unacceptable. (After that incident) TJ (my husband) and I ... were confined to takeaways for a while."

Dine early
A reservation after 7.30 pm at a restaurant is usually not a good idea, especially if the child is very young. Most small children are tired by early evening, specially if the school bus arrives at 6 am the next day (and they are habituated to getting to bed early).

Never arrive with hungry kids
Famished children are impatient children (that's true of adults too!). Add to that Murphy's Law which states that the hungriest will be served the last and you know the possible outcome of such a combination. The solution?

Treat your child to a few snacks in the car while driving to the restaurant, just enough to take the edge off his hunger.

You can also spend the time while you wait for the food to arrive to reiterate the basics of table manners. For example, you can tell your child that it is OK to use fingers to eat finger foods. But use the napkin, gently, to dab your mouth clean afterwards.

Once at the restaurant...
... sit near the door if possible. If your child cries, take him outside. Immediately. Be firm with him that he cannot re-enter the restaurant until he calms down and is quiet.

Be prepared to go for a quick walk immediately after placing the order for your food. This could be around the restaurant or outside. The child will get engaged looking around and get distracted from his hunger.

Order, order, order!
When ordering food, do not overlook your child's likes and dislikes (why have you brought the child to eat out otherwise?). A side order or two will make him feel special and "grown up". Little ones usually tend to like food that comes in bite-sized portions.

For Mohd Khalid Hayat, a restaurant supervisor with many years of experience, it never ceases to surprise him that parents arrive at restaurants with their children assuming that when things get rough, the staff will take care of them.

"If the child is difficult to handle, simply take him to a food court instead of bringing him to a fine dining outlet," says Hayat.

"At least till the time he learns to behave himself. Better still, choose to go to a restaurant with a play area for kids. Do not give them cutlery and crockery to play with and keep an eye on them lest they misbehave with the staff.

"The key to choosing the right food for the child is to pick something which not only looks simple yet interesting to the eye, but can be served quickly and eaten with ease and no mess!"

If you treat food and eating out as an adventure, but one that calls for good behaviour, your child will treat it the same way.

Be creative
Many restaurants will be happy to adapt adult meals for children, to a reasonable degree of course. For example, instead of ordering pasta with sauce, request them to make a dish of pasta and ketchup. Ask the restaurant manager before you sit down to see how flexible they are on this issue.

Ready to eat or ready to leave?
Never compare home-cooked meals to restaurant meals. You are unwittingly sending the wrong signals to your child. If your child does not find the dish appealing, don't foster his fussiness.

Encourage him to eat as much as he can and look out for impending tantrums. If you see them coming, end the meal and leave the restaurant. Ask for the food to be boxed as a takeaway and relish it at home.

How to eat in peace!
Children love chocolates and cakes, so if you want to dine in peace, you may order them dessert while you savour your main meal. It may raise a few eyebrows among your fellow diners, but as long as your children are well-behaved, no one will really care!

Do's & Don'ts
"Do not discipline a misbehaving child in public," says Marita Opperman, a mother of a two boys.

"Take the child outside the restaurant or the situation might just get worse. If a child begins to scream, do something about it. Don't expect the staff to come to your rescue.
"Don't let your child run around in the restaurant. If need be, reprimand him, but in a low tone. It is never too young to learn (the rules of) etiquette."

"Also, do not forget to clean up any dropped food pieces or spills," she adds. Most often, the staff does not allow you to do so but it is always a good gesture to clear the mess yourself.

"We have become so used to others cleaning up after us that we conveniently forget to set an example for our children. They must learn there are others who share the same place and it will help them grow up to be responsible adults."

Be realistic
Your child may be a well-mannered diner, but speciality dining requires special conduct from a child: one who enjoys dressing up, can sit relatively still and is entertained by conversation.

"Save yourself the stress of trying to mould your child into something he or she is not. On the other hand, you may have the most well-behaved cherubs on the planet, but that will be irrelevant if the restaurant doesn't want them. 'We don't prohibit children, but we don't recommend bringing them,' is a hint. Take it and move on.

When you set the rules
We never cease to judge people by their table manners. Be it at a dinner party or at a friend's place. But it can get particularly embarrassing for you if your kids burp and slurp their way through dinner, play drummer boy or girl with every possible fork and spoon in sight.

Not to forget placing their elbows on the table, staining their clothes or their numerous trips to the restroom. Follow these guidelines to set your child on the road to good etiquette:

Learn to look at the glass as being half-full
Instead of pointing out the various mistakes your child committed during an outing, point out what she did right.
Say, for instance, "I was so proud of you when we went to the Smiths for dinner. It was wonderful the way you served yourself when the platter passed by."

Dinnertime is not lecture time
It will instantly put your child off manners. And he will lose his appetite. He will also probably tune out during future lectures.

Check your own actions before setting the rules
"If parents display poor table manners, children will follow suit," says Rooyea. "Remember to behave during mealtimes in ways you would like your child to follow. Children treat their parents as role models."

Never call your child mean names
Do not label your child with names especially when he is among outsiders. It will hurt his self-esteem and make him sulk. It may also make him obstinate.

Point out his mistakes in a practical, neutral way. Say for example: "Son, I think it is a good idea to unfold your napkin so that if food falls again, Mommy will not have to fight hard with those stains on your clothes."

Approach manners as a game
Once a week, try to have a formal dinner at home and make the child understand that it is some sort of a reward for something achieved by him.

Get the whole family to dress up as they would for a formal occasion and serve a special meal. Expect formal dining table etiquette. These practice sessions are invaluable for the future.

To err is human
"Never make it stressful for children by forcing them to eat every single item on their plate," says Rooyen.

"If they have eaten a reasonable amount and are satisfied, let them be. Do not draw unnecessary attention to him/her by raising your voice. Instead, encourage good behaviour and extend praise for good behaviour. This promotes future co-operation."

Make kids responsible
Call your friends over and let the kids help by serving the starters. This way, they learn to see the situation from the other side of the lens.