Confused?

Ask your parents. Notes presents the when, how and why of helping teenagers in working towards a study programme that will eventually lead them to a satisfying and fulfilling career

Excerpts from an interview with Gillian Johnstone, faculty member for bachelor's of education in career advising and counselling at the Sharjah Women's College, and Anmber Seddiqi, President of the American Canadian Centre for Academic Placement, Dubai.

What is the right age for a parent to start guiding their child towards a future career?

Seddiqi: Pre-teens and early teens. This is the age when they are mature enough to grasp what is happening around them. At the same time they are young and the future possibilities seem endless.

After the age of 12/13, parents need to be actively engaged in their child's development process. Not just in terms of grades but by obeserving and monitoring their friends and activities.

Johnstone: Parents can and do start influencing their child from a very young age. At that stage, the driving force in a child is their curiosity and your role is not to put too many boundaries on them.

From the age of 12-14, it is important for parents and institutions to start thinking about the future. But at that age, the ability to think about things in the larger perspective of the world hasn't developed.

But the children can understand themselves; can identify what their interests are. At 14/15, young people also begin identifying their values, the principles and issues they believe in.

The programme they choose will be strongly based on the issues they feel is important to them.

How should they go about guiding their children?

Johnstone: Encourage ability building. Acknowledge what they are good at. Expose them to train in that area. It is the parents' role to make their children aware of the world around them.

Children are usually one-dimensional about a career; they are led by what their parents, uncles and aunts have done. So it is up to the parents to point out other career options.

This usually manifests in two attitudes - either they point them in the direction they want them to take, or in a direction that incorporates all their talents.

Always build on strengths, that's a good way to go about it. It is important for parents and young adults to understand that their career is a way of life. It's a calling and not just a job.

So if a student is stuck in a programme they don't enjoy, then they are likely to have career adjustment problems later on.

Take advice from career consultants for an independent assessment. If there are programmes that you don't know about, then ask colleges and universities for an information night.

Seddiqi: Look at their strengths and weaknesses. List out areas of study, which are their favourites, and which are the subjects they dislike.

Review how they dealt with past conflicts, relationships with peers. How did they make their decisions? The job of the parent is to listen and this should be unconditional. Career planning is an ongoing process. So do not discourage your child from any field, even if you think it is wrong for him or her.

Rather discuss the pros and cons. It is important that parents educate themselves on career options. If your child expresses an interest in a particular field, use your contacts to learn more about it; give your child the chance, if possible, to spend a day in that office.

A parent can't be seen foisting his or her ideas on their child. At the same they have to be slightly firm. How do they achieve the balance?

Johnstone: As children grow older engage them in a process of dialogue and teach them to make good decisions. If you have brought them up well, you should be able to trust their decisions.

Listen to them carefully. Question them in such a way that you do not put them on the defensive.

Seddiqi: Set some ground rules. Enforce what your expectations are, in terms of future planning and not the area of study.

The child should know that there would be zero tolerance for sitting idle or procrastinating. You can present the following three options: Pursue higher studies and we will support you as long as you perform well.

Join the family business and gain some experience and then pursue your higher studies. Go for vocational training. We will support you as long as you do well and are committed to working in this field after you have completed the course.

Parents should make it clear that they will not be supporting them financially in the coming year or two forcing the child to think about how he or she will be financially independent.

What are some of the issues that parents must raise with their children early in life? Are there any issues they don't address and if they do, they might not be emphasising enough?

Seddiqi: Responsibility - parents need to hold their children accountable for their actions or lack thereof. Help your child develop strong social skills such as leadership, assertiveness, team building and hard work.

Issues that need more emphasising include verbal and written communication: they are not encouraged enough to express themselves creatively and coherently.

This may stem from the fact that their parents have always made key decisions for them.

Extracurricular activities also need to be encouraged. Few parents encourage their children in activities outside academics.

They feel doing so would be putting their future at risk. That's not true. It is actually a very critical component that affects their eligibility in competitive universities.

Do you get the impression that parents here are over protective and take all the decisions for their children?

Johnstone: That's a pretty big generalisation. All parents are concerned about their children's welfare.

From the perspective of UAE nationals, their country is changing so fast, that it is but natural for them to be concerned about preparing their children to face the world as adults without compromising on their cultural values and traditions.

From a Western expatriate's point of view, I feel they are very happy that their children are in a safer and less stressful environment than in their home countries.

What advice do you have for students on how best to make use of their parents' guidance and experience?

Seddiqi: It's important that they see their parents as individuals with strengths and weaknesses. They then connect better with their parents and approach them more easily when they need advice.