The founders of Cereal Killer Cafe, Alan and Gary Keery. The Cafe is reportedly opening in Dubai in May 2016. Image Credit: Cereal Killer Cafe

If you’re in possession of a pair of braces, some beard growth and a lumberjack shirt, today’s news is going to make you do an oldey-timey jig, because it doesn’t get more hipster than this. Cereal Killer Cafe, the epicentre of London hipsterdom, is coming to the UAE, apparently at the behest of a UAE local who is a frequent visitor there.

It’s run by Alan and Gary Keery, identical 33-year-old twins from Belfast, Northern Ireland.

This cafe serves nothing more unusual than your favourite childhood cereal — with some big name brands that you may only have seen in nostalgic TV shows — topped with, shock, horror, milk.

Yes, apparently some people still eat dairy. SMH.

The Independent, which first reported the news, does not give a location, but does say the signatures are on the dotted lines and it’s due to open in May. You may as well start saving now — the Cafe is unapologetic about its Dubai-style prices: a bowl of cereal starts at Dh15 in the UK. The Cafe is full of colour and fun, as you would expect from a place that thrives on nostalgia, sugar and bubblegum-flavoured milk, but there’s also a dark side: It was targeted by protestors in September 2015, accused of leading the gentrification of London’s East End. So the big question is, where exactly in Al Quoz will they be opening?

If it’s something stronger you’re after, but still want to wear that lumberjack shirt, head to the JW Marriott Marquis in Dubai, where Toronto’s Weslodge Saloon has opened up, serving super-cool twists on classic drinks, and hearty but refined modern American cuisine.

Do they have a lobster roll (2016’s must-have menu item)?

You bet your bow tie they do.

House-infused spirits? Fried chicken? Kale? Check, check, check. And yes, we’re darned excited to try it out, too — especially as we hear the views and music are pretty stunning, too. It’s open 6pm-2am, in Tower B. Call 052-9153355.

If you’re in the market for modern chic drinks and food but not in the Downtown neighbourhood, take a look at JLT’s Cocktail Kitchen (find it in Armada BlueBay Hotel, Cluster P). Not only are they serving up creative drinks and Spanish-inflected food — think a seafood platter cooked in a searing charcoal Josper oven; or smoked gazpacho, as well as the intriguing “Bloody Mary beef”. They also want to teach you more about what you’re imbibing, in their Back Room, where they are holding classes titled “Message In A Bottle” from April 11. Head there daily from 5.30-8pm for the Dh19 The Aperitivo offer, while brunch was launched last weekend, with — what else? — a DJ playing vinyl records. Call 056-8280727.