An unaffordable affair

Dubai: Hamad Mohammad and Elyazia Al Mansoori are getting married on March 21.

While Hamad and his family are busy running around booking the ballroom, arranging the decorations, food and entertainment, Elyazia must not do anything other than shop and groom herself.

"I saw my future bride at an engagement party and before then, I wasn't really thinking of getting married. It wasn't planned; I just saw her and decided that I wanted to marry her," said Mohammad.

According to protocol, the future groom's mother has to speak to his beloved's mother to test the waters.

"I told my mother I wanted to marry Elyazia. Luckily she agreed. She spoke to Elyazia's mother and they arranged for the men of both families to meet."

The opinion of the bride's mother is crucial and many marriages do not go through if she disapproves of the proposal.

"My father, uncles, brother and I met with the male members of her family at their house and a date was set for the engagement party," said Mohammad.

The engagement party is restricted to the female members of both families and their close friends.

Engagement party

"Before the engagement, my sister and mother arranged a large chest to be presented during the party that contained her Dh10,000 dowry and a diamond necklace, watch, bracelet and ring. There were also perfumes, fabrics, Oud among other things," he said.

Some couples decide to do their 'milcha' during the engagement party while others do it directly before the wedding or on the big day.

The 'milcha' is when the marriage is made legal by a religious Shaikh and a marriage contract is drawn up and authenticated.

"Our milcha was three months after our engagement and finally I am allowed to see Elyazia alone. Before then, I could only see her at occasions and never alone."

The wedding

Although Elyazia and Mohammad are legally married, according to Islamic traditions the couple cannot consummate the marriage until after the wedding party.

"My mother and sisters are more involved with the female wedding party. I am responsible for the male party which will be held a day before. It is a lot of expenses as the female wedding alone costs me Dh300,000. But that's the price I have to pay to be with Elyazia and she is worth it all and more."

Elyazia who is in a different world, has her own schedules of facials, laser treatments and Moroccan baths.

She also has to buy or design her wedding dress.

"My dress costs Dh40,000. I'm also buying creams, nightgowns, jalabiyas, abayas, bags and shoes."

A bride cannot take anything from her family's house and so has to have a new set of clothes and accessories.

Dh70,000 grant is not sufficient, Emiratis say

Some people may think it is insane that the UAE gives nationals Dh70,000 to get married, but after they read how expensive it is to get married, they will change their mind.

The decision to establish the Fund came in 1992 by the late Shaikh Zayed Bin Sultan Al Nahyan to encourage and help nationals get married.

Although many nationals are grateful that such a fund exists, after the increase in prices and living expenses in the UAE, some nationals agree that Dh70,000 is not enough. To hire a famous singer of the likes of famous Saudi national Mohammad Abdo, costs Dh700,000. Recently the fund issued a decision stating that only nationals whose salaries are Dh15,000 and below are to receive the grant. These nationals must not have any other source of income other than their salary and must not own any businesses. This decision created an uproar.

"After the 70 per cent salary increase for all federal government employees, many of us cannot apply for the grant. But prices have gone up and it is still very expensive to get married. So what's the point of the Marriage Fund if most of us cannot apply and are still taking loans to get married," asked Ahmad Obeid. In 1993, 2,036 nationals benefitted from the Fund and in 2007 the recipients remained almost constant at 2,089.

Mohammad Salem who got married in April 2006 had another problem. He said: "I got married in April and took a loan to pay my wedding expenses. I decided to take a loan based on the fact that I would get the grant."Unfortunately soon after Mohammad got married, a decision was made that any applicant whose salary is above Dh10, 000 would not receive the grant.

"This is unfair. I make Dh13,000 and now have a loan."

Hotels and wedding menu

The cost of a wedding dinner is calculated as per the number of guests multiplied by the menu price.

Grand Hyatt Hotel

• Baniyas Ballroom accommodates up to 1,500 people
• Amira Ballroom can sit up to 500 people
• Four types of set menu with prices starting from Dh180 per person up to Dh285 per person
• Three types of buffet costing from Dh225 per person up to Dh350

Al Bustan Rotana Hotel

• Grand Rashidiya Ballroom accommodates up to 1,000 people
• Six types of set menu Dh140 per person up to Dh180 (for VIP)
• Two types of buffet, with prices starting from Dh150 up to Dh160 (includes live cooking station)

Al Boom Tourist Village

• Rashid Hall accommodates up to 800 people
• Latifa Hall sits 800 people
• Six types of set menu costing from Dh135 up to Dh400

Dubai World Trade Centre

• Shaikh Rashid Hall: accommodates up to 5,000 people
• Shaikh Maktoum Hall: 5,000 people
• Za'abeel Hall: 5,000 people
• Al Multaqua Ballroom: 650 people
• Zaheyah Ballroom (at Dubai Ladies Association in Deira): 650 people
• Four types of set menu with prices from Dh145

Madinat Jumeirah

• Jawhara Ballroom accommodates up to 1,000 people
• Murjaan Ballroom: 220 people
• Majlis Al Salam: 300 people
• Multi-Purpose Venue Arena: 1,320 peopleSet menu with prices from Dh300 per person

Celebrating in style

• Drinks include 12 different kinds such as coffee, tea, green tea and soft drinks and a few sweets with prices starting at Dh2,000
• Wedding dress on rent can cost between
  Dh5,000 and Dh20,000
• Giveaways per piece cost between Dh10 and Dh100
• Centre Stage includes tables, centre pieces, table covers with prices from Dh25,000
• Hair and bridal make-up can cost Dh2,500 at a beauty salon and Dh8,000 at a hotel
• A wedding album costs from Dh4,000
• Costs for lighting including screens beginning at Dh12,000
• Flowers and centre pieces can cost anywhere from
  Dh5,000 to Dh1 million
• Wedding invitations (per piece) cost between Dh10
  and Dh100

Customs

Engagement date: Mothers get together and set a date for the men to meet. The men then arrange a date for the engagement.

Engagement party: Held only for women, and the bride-to-be is given her mahar (dowry). The milcha (official signing of the marriage contract) is traditionally done from a week before the marriage date up to the actual wedding day.

The henna night: Two days before the wedding, the bride is decorated with henna designs below the knee as well as on her full arm.

The men's party: Dinner is served only for men.

Last day of the wedding celebration: The women's party. The groom arrives towards the end of the party and they leave together as man and wife.

I don't quite see why a marriage has to be an orgy of materialism that indebts the newlyweds forever. This money could be spend more wisely. And how happy is the beginning of a marriage that starts on a mountain of bills?
Kerstin
Dubai,UAE
Posted: February 15, 2008, 18:25

This is not something we should be proud of. It is eating our Muslim society. The worst is that the affording groom or his family proudly support this lavish expenditure. Our thinkers and column writers and other social intellectuals should make their efforts to convince our people that such extravagance is not allowed in our religion and is not something to be proud of and it could be spent after the wedding more effectively in your future married life, rather to start your married life with a loan.
Syed
Toronto,Canada
Posted: February 15, 2008, 15:04

I honestly don't think that the problem is in the marriage fund policies. In fact, people should change their ideas about marriage and make their marriages more realistically affordable.
Haya
Riffa,Bahrain
Posted: February 15, 2008, 14:30

If you are not rich, you can't afford to get married if this is the usual way of getting married. How about people who belong to the lower class? There's no possible way to make their wedding as special an occasion.
Raafi
Abu Dhabi,UAE
Posted: February 15, 2008, 14:03

on a wedding? If they were paid Dh300,000 it will still not be enough for them, they would still want more. Dh70,000 may not mean anything to them but to some it may build a home, so please stop wasting money.
Zahra
Dubai,UAE
Posted: February 15, 2008, 12:55

The expenses for this wedding show that this was one of the top weddings. Many people choose to cut back on the extra expenses and, for example, do not have a dress that costs Dh40,000. Some may choose to do more. However, men and women who are thinking of marriage need to know that the prices listed by this specific bride and groom are not the only option. People need to know not to get scared by these prices and that an agreement can be reached by both families on the expenses.
Azadeh
Dubai,UAE
Posted: February 15, 2008, 12:50

"The groom arrives towards the end of the party and they leave together as man and wife." And when do they divorce? I've seen many traditional marriages ending so fast afterwards.
Reem
Abu Dhabi,UAE
Posted: February 15, 2008, 12:04

I personally think its insane spending so much on a wedding, when both can save the money to invest it for long term financial bliss, rather than be in debt. Many who live in the third world and can only read and long to have such fairy tale weddings are left with nothing but depression.
Afshan
Karachi,Pakistan
Posted: February 15, 2008, 10:53

Our marriages in Oman only cost OMR4000, including everything. But if you look for name, fame and all that nonsense then you empty your pockets and pay for loans for years and bring trouble to your marriage.
Ahmed
Muscat,Oman
Posted: February 15, 2008, 09:24

Wow, a Dh70,000 grant is not enough? It is their own choice to have expensive, elaborate wedding parties. It is not a necessity to have an expensive wedding. Get back to your roots and get out of the UAE culture of the necessity to show off by seeing who can throw the most elaborate wedding. Throw a more simple wedding party. Invite less people if you really cannot afford it.
TJ
Dubai,UAE
Posted: February 15, 2008, 07:29