Notes to self: Getting gritty

If I wasn't always a little bit (ahem) temperamental, then I would be worried about my sanity this past week. I cried when a waiter accidentally put sugar in my mango smoothie (perhaps a little irrational), I had a migraine during a stressful celeb-stalking assignment I was given and this afternoon I suddenly felt so low that it felt like an enormous task just to put one foot in front of another as I walked through town.

I swing wildly from being relaxed and confident about my future as a single, independent freelancer (after being fired last week and being single, well, all the time) to having deep depressive moments where I can't even bother to get out of bed. In fact, the only things that have got me through this week are my incredible friends, who have offered me work, chocolate, shoulders to cry on and company to party with; my brother, who has been my constant companion over the last couple of weeks and really, really big lattes.

It's interesting to find out what one's coping mechanisms are when the worst happens. I thought I would be the "suck it up and get on with it" type, but actually, I feel lost. The gym has been my constant; helping me fill up my time, release some endorphins and feel like I have some sort of focus and purpose.

Not having a purpose is my main worry, I suppose. I'm not someone who happily has lie-ins or days doing nothing. Those kinds of days give me too much time to think and too much time to get angry at vacuous daytime TV. They also make me get bored, update my Facebook too often and encourage me to harass my friends for entertainment. I'm someone who needs to be constantly entertained in order not to slump into a pit of despair — which, unfortunately for my friends, makes me a little … high maintenance.

I'm also keeping myself reasonably busy with freelance work, but there are a lot of times when I know that if I stayed in bed all day, it wouldn't matter. Nobody is expecting to see me, and nobody will notice if I stay in my room all day.

I suppose it's not unusual, but one of my biggest fears is becoming entirely insignificant. And, since I have nobody to take me out for dinners, no office to turn up to and no responsibilities, it's hard to fight off the feeling of being a little inconsequential. But, you'll be pleased to know, this column is going to mark the end of me moping about not having a fixed salary anymore (though I can't promise to stop moaning about boys, because they're one of my favourite things to whine about). I'm bored of telling people about being fired, I'm bored of being angry about being ripped off by my company for Dh7,000 and I'm bored of feeling sorry for myself. I just needed a few weeks of being angry and feeling as though men, my ex-boss and life in general sucked.

Starting from scratch when your work and love life have left the building is in turns exciting, terrifying and overwhelming but, there's nothing else to do than get on with it and make the best of it. So, the time for sighing and oversleeping is over; pass me a venti soy latte and watch me show my ex-boss what I'm made of.