Hollywood and Bollywood celebrity resolutions

HOLLYWOOD

Paris Hilton

Stop tweeting every single detail about your escapades. You've aired enough of dirty laundry in public to last a lifetime, so be done with it.

Don't pretend to be in dire need of a true friend to promote the BFF reality shows. Admit it's a very deft ploy to rake in millions.

Lose the catch phrases, "That's Hot" and "That's Huge." We've resigned to the fact that you can't come up with intelligent comments so don't try to make up for it by trying to sound cool.

Kanye West

Learn to keep your foot out of your mouth. We know rappers have a way with words, but use your trap where it is required.

Stay home and avoid award ceremonies till the end of your musical career. If you can't be a sport, don't be a spoilsport.

Make an effort to be nice to the paparazzi. It's not their fault that you offer entertainment even when you aren't performing on stage.

Taylor Swift

Try as much as possible not to date your namesake. It not only sounds weird, it confuses us all the time.

Next time you accept an award take Taylor (Lautner) with you. All he has to do is take off his shirt and loudmouth rappers will be gagged forever.

Don't jump at opportunities to be supergirl in Hollywood so fast. We know you're a super singer, acting is a different ballgame so take a step at a time.

Jessica Simpson

Make an attempt to bring out at least one sensible album. Yes, take song writing lessons from little sister Ashlee, but don't keep ridiculing yourself.

Pick better movies. How else would you show the world that there's more to you than looking pretty, making a fool of yourself and shopping?

Get more photo opportunities with sports stars. See how the publicity you gained after the Tiger Woods episode helped you back into the limelight.

Matthew McConaughey

Wear a shirt in public. We have seen your great body, drooled over it and we are done. Now the overexposure is killing us.

Do a lot of good films. We want to see the great actor in you entertaining us on-screen rather than catch you surfing on the beach.

Think twice before you give your son the same upbringing as you had. We really don't know if it'll be a good idea to see a shirtless Levi on the beach!

Tara Reid

Say goodbye to plastic addiction. Just in case you're desperate, find a surgeon with a license to practice medicine in the US.

Don't uncover for magazine covers, please. You're are not proving anything now, you've already scared us with the botched surgery.

Get a job. American Pie happened years ago. Using scars of the past to stay in the news makes our skin crawl, really!

Paul McCartney

Do a thorough background check before a women enters your life in the future and work on a tough prenuptial agreement to protect your billions. You don't have to cry later that it's the "worst mistake of the decade".

Keep the music flowing to make up for the money you lost paying off alimony to gold-digging wives.

Don't use the stage to get back at pop stars (read Madonna) who think you're boring. Legends don't need controversies to spice up their performance.

Ronnie Woods

Grow up! We've heard that rock stars don't grow old and all that jazz, but it's no excuse for acting immature.

Ditch that crazy hairstyle. Your young love called you an "evil goblin" stop looking like one too.

Get a grip on your errant lifestyle before Rolling Stones get rid of you. Word is out that they may do the 2010 world tour without you. Check into rehab now!

BOLLYWOOD

Shah Rukh Khan

Quit political debates. A glorified film career does not qualify you to talk about state issues. Leave it to the politicians, that's their job!

Stub out the smoke. You're a walking chimney, both on-screen and off. High time you clean up.

Use some discretion when it comes to product endorsements. A fairness cream for men is a complete no-no!

Abhishek Bachchan

No more misusing the ‘Bachchan' surname! Step out of Pa's (Amitabh Bachchan) spotlight and work on your own merit.

Don't tag along with your wife Aishwarya Rai Bachchan for international red carpet events. Nobody recognises you!

Market yourself through a blog. A daily write-up might attract some filmmakers and a few fans as well!

Shilpa Shetty

There's been an overdose of you on the social circuit. We want you to vanish from the spotlight and embrace domestic life.

Quit the web world. Don't pretend to be a serious writer when you are not. We want pretentious writers out of the blogging world.

Considering little sis Shamita lost out on reality telly glory due to your wedding, find her a cinema role to give her career a tiny nudge.

Imran Khan

By hook or crook, steal Ranbir Kapoor's film offers. He's got better insight when it comes to the box office!

Skip the mush and head out to woo the hot co-stars. Women love bad men more, and so do the media!

Stand up for an issue. At least it worked for your Uncle Aamir!

Katrina Kaif

Enrol for acting classes. Good looks and lack of a ‘godfather' won't get you too far in Bollywood.

Write a biography. With so much talk about your ‘fake' Indian roots, many would love to know the truth.

Cut the accent when a role demands it. It's tiresome to have to listen to your twang every time!

Rani Mukherjee

Invest in yoga videos. Your well-toned body might go a long way to raking in some cash, if not a film offer!

If Rakhi Sawant can find a groom on telly, so can you! So go on, sell yourself to get a man by your side.

Step into UK's Big Brother household. If Shilpa Shetty can win, so can you!

Bipasha Basu

Marry John Abraham. You both don't have a career to boast about, so this lean period is the perfect time.

Take a cue from ex Dino Morea and invest in a business other than cinema... a hair salon maybe!

Your fitness routines are bringing on a big YAWN! Time to try something new.

Deepika Padukone

It's OK to fall in love with your co-star, but never ink his name on you! It's more permanent than they are!

Get a grip with your heart. Don't go around giving it away too soon. Take time to make the right choice.

Quit cricketers, or rather cricket, and focus on a good game of badminton.