Opinion | Speak Your Mind
Focus: Tough love
What was your parent's weapon of choice? The silent treatment, the loud reprimand or a gentle rebuke? If a recent study is to be believed, the best manner to bring up your child would be some good old-fashioned tough love. Receiving a lot of love along with realising the importance of discipline is most likely to create a good character in children, according to Demos, a UK-based think tank. But would such an approach work on today's youth? Ever-increasing cases of juvenile delinquency have put the spotlight on parents' nurturing. Are they entirely to blame for such behaviour among children? Which approach should they adopt towards parenting?
- Compiled by Huda Tabrez, Community Web Editor, Gulf News
- Published: 18:56 November 19, 2009
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Speak your mind
Children realising they can't always get exactly what they want immediately makes them better adults.
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Disagree
Such a realisation might help children prioritise their needs in the future, but cannot be justified as a ‘green signal' towards being better adults. Such an approach might even have a negative impact on children as they could be victims of a guilty conscience. They might feel guilty to ask for what they want, even if the need was reasonable! The character that an individual shows is what counts.
Juby Jacob
Dubai -
Agree
Many parents feel that since their childhood wasn't a smooth ride, their children should not face the same problems and end up giving things to them immediately. Children are not able to value what they get and do not learn how to be patient in life. They always take things for granted. Later in life, if they do not get things easily, they might find it difficult to cope with the stress.
Anita Raghu
Ras Al Khaimah -
Agree
Children who have to wait for a while to get what they want will definitely be better adults compared to the 'spoilt brats' whose every wish is their parents' command. The children who had every wish fulfilled would have a tough time adjusting to the realties of life as an adult. On the other hand, children who learn to wait will be more patient and balanced.
Sajida Kamal
Abu Dhabi -
Agree
In past societies, which were based on the concept of an extended family, children grew up with the principles of sharing and mutual trust, with proper guidance from their elders. Today, children are growing up with a feeling of selfishness or possessiveness. As social, religious and moral values degrade, proper parenting has a great role to play. Children who grow up without tough parental love might suffer.
Jiji Panicker
Dubai -
Speak your mind
Most parents don't teach children that they have to treat everybody with a certain amount of respect.
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Disagree
Parents do teach children that they should respect everyone, but it is up to children to practise it. Take for instance Indian culture, where obedience and respect to authority is an inherent quality. It is practised at home, in schools and in the work place. However, in recent years, things have changed, especially in metropolitan cities, probably because of the attempt by some to ape the West.
Amina Bintory
Dubai -
Agree
Parents today have failed to instil the values they have learnt. The simple 'Good night mum and dad" wish is lost, not to be found in any house. Who is to be blamed? Time? How long are you going to give this excuse? Look back at how our parents gave us that time. It is because of that we are where we are today. Don't your children deserve something better than what you have?
Dorothy Naveena
Dubai -
Agree
I have seen some people encouraging their children to turn hostile in a public place, especially when waiting in a queue. This, in fact, helps them easily carry on with their activities. Parents need to understand that if you ask children to do this for your benefit, the next time they will do it for their own benefit. Patience in children does not come from teaching them how to spell the word — it needs to be imbibed.
Sudha Kathuria
Dubai -
Agree
The influx of electronic equipment has revolutionised children's lives. Also, the children of the 1970s, who are parents now, fail to instil the right moral values in their offspring. Hence, the new generation doesn't get a guiding force to follow. There was an unseen distance between me and my parents. However, my daughter interacts with her father very easily, more or less like a peer.
Agniyah Shaikh
Sharjah -
Where should parents draw the line between encouraging children, and applying unhealthy pressure?
Parents would be best to relax a little, take some pressure off, and simply spend more time with their children, a survey has found
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Agree
Parents today are more career-oriented, ambitious and result-oriented. Important values go conveniently missing in the upbringing of a child or are replaced by material bliss. It is equally significant to ensure that our children are reared with the right set of values. Teenagers are too engrossed in their music players and mobile phones to stand up and offer their seat to an elderly passenger or smile at a stranger.
Zainab Mansour
Dubai -
Neutral
There is no perfect way of parenting a child. Sometimes a combination of tough love and warm understanding is needed to make sure they have a balanced understanding of parents' love. Tough love is good as long as the parent explains why they have to apply this style. The child would then know that what was done was done out of love.
Felix Sabiniano
Abu Dhabi -
Agree
The child's character is a reflection of parents' upbringing. Parents should understand that if they cannot tolerate some of their child's tantrums, then the child can become a rebel due to some of their actions. Hence, parents should not be too stringent with rules. They need to be flexible and should not expect children to be remote-controlled robots.
Saifee Mansour Tarwala
Dubai -
Disagree
Parenting style does affect a child's character since children imbibe most of life's values from their parents. However, at the same time, if a child does not receive a good education, have a good peer group, or enough money to purchase products that his or her peers have, he or she may suffer. Therefore, a healthy mix of parenting style, a good social background and family income may be essential.
Utsav Mahidhara
Ras Al Khaimah -
Speak your mind
Combining warmth and discipline creates children with rounded personalities.
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Agree
Parents must not embitter or exasperate their children, or they will get discouraged. Educate children in the behaviour they must follow and they will not waver from it. They will also bring delight and pride to their parents. Friendly parents bring a warm, pleasant environment for children, where they learn basic manners. So, a stick to correct and a loving atmosphere are required.
Vasanthi Samuel
Dubai -
Agree
Love is our basic emotional need and discipline is the practice of staying calm and behaving in a controlled manner in most situations. Combining love with discipline means equipping children with the right tools to succeed in life. Children can be taught and disciplined effectively only when they are loved. The overall development of a child is not dependent on either of the two, but both.
Ritu Chawla-Ray
Dubai -
Agree
The most important period for children is their teenage years, when parents should pay most attention, as they spend more time socialising with friends. But the main issue is when numerous families ask their domestic helpers to take care of their children. Who knows what values the maid will instil in a child when his or her parents are at work? Children need their parent's warmth.
Olesya Kozlova
Dubai -
Agree
Children are Nature's best gift, but they need to be nurtured with immense care to make them aware of their responsibility towards society. They need to be taught the right values and discipline right from the cradle, because they are just like a plain sheet of paper — its fate depends entirely on the writer. Nobody except parents can touch children’s hearts by holding their hands.
Ghulam Hamdani Khan
Dubai
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