Focus: Caring for parents

16:02 Gulf News: Children should be legally obliged to care for parents after adulthood.

16:03 Pranita Masand: I strongly support the argument. This is not only because they have an emotional attachment with them but also due to rules of humanity. The teachings of the world tell us that we must help the ones who help us whenever needed. The cycle of life is such that parents are the ones who give birth to their child and bring the child up by taking care of the child, fulfilling the basic necessities as well as providing with all the amenities in life. Once the child has grown up and is now an adult, it is the child’s turn to take care and support his or her parents.

4:11 Aakriti Tripathi: Ideally, I am for the statement. However, I wouldn’t wish to use ‘legally obliged’. If children are brought up with the belief and ideology that you are a part of a family, they would automatically feel like caring for those they consider family. By saying obliged, we are unconsciously putting the thought of it being a duty or a task even before one has probably thought of it like that. We need to change our approach in developing perceptions to affect the way the coming generation will respond to situations. Because, in all honesty, they actually do view it as an obligation, which is why the word is often used..

16:12 Saba Ahsan: Yes, once children grow up, they don’t actually realise the physical and emotional needs of their parents. But I agree with Aakriti, we need to inculcate these values since childhood – instead of giving instructions to our children we have to show them how we treat elderly members in our families, so that they reflect that behaviour. A better option would be educating both parents and children, instead of imposing a law. But yes, when the limits are crossed, a law should be imposed.

4:30 Pranita Masand: I believe that not all parents being supported by non-governmental organisations are without children. If there is a law that requires children to take care of their parents after a specific period of time or in various types of situations, then maybe we could have a solution to the problem. Also, sometimes children really do not have the financial ability to take care of their parents even if they want to do so emotionally.

4:31 Gulf News: Elders are being abandoned by children who feel their parents haven’t done a ‘good job’.

4:33 Pranita Masand: The child was brought into the world by those parents. Even if the parents did not take good care of the child, they are the reason for the child’s very existence. Therefore, the child still has a duty towards his or her parents. There are a lot of factors that one must keep in mind, but it depends on how one defines “haven’t done a good job”.

4:35 Saba Ahsan: Children must learn to tolerate and forgive for whatever wrong that might have happened and at least try to provide the basic physical requirements to their parents.

4:35 Pranita Masand: Often times many children do not have a good childhood due to a variety of reasons like divorce or other family issues. Sometimes, one of the parents may be at fault and sometimes it is just fate. The child cannot give this reason to not take care of the parents. The golden rule teaches us to treat people right, as much as we c an

4:36 Aakriti Tripathi: If the parent has brutally beaten the child up when he or she was young, tortured him or her, or done something worse, should the child forgive the parent? It is easy to expect someone to forgive and forget, but having personally spoken to people who have faced such trauma, it isn’t really easy forgiving some thing like that. Could you blame the child for not behaving like a saint?

4:40 Pranita Masand: Aakriti, in that case I still believe that the child should forgive the parent. This is because holding a grudge against the parent or having a negative feeling does not really help. Instead, the child should take care of such parents and by doing that they will make the parents realise their wrongs.

4:40 Saba Ahsan: With all due respect, there are parents who would never realise they were wrong and that it was their mistake. That is often because of the age difference and, at times, even ego.

4:44 Aakriti Tripathi: I personally feel it depends on how the parent has behaved. There should be terms for defining bad and good parenting, based on which the child’s decision should be taken into consideration. Also, if a law is made, it should include compulsory family counselling or compulsory family engagement activities. I feel forcing a person to behave against their wish is as bad as abandoning a parent from being cared for. In fact, forcing them to care for them might stir more negative emotions. On the other hand, inspiring and encouraging and clearing perceptions in an individual will have a far better effect.

4:44 Gulf News: Such a law would be unfair to poorer families.

4:46 Saba Ahsan: Yes, it could be unfair, there would be several exceptions to such a rule.

4:48 Pranita Masand: Not every child has the financial ability to take care of their parents, even if they do so emotionally. Therefore, if such children have sent their parents to various non-governmental organisations like old age homes; there should be a law that clearly states how often a child should visit their parents. This will not only be an emotional boost for the parents but also make them feel that they are still of important in their child’s life.

4:48 Aakriti Tripathi: Such a law would be unfair considering the circumstances. If such a law comes up there should be terms and conditions.

4:51 Gulf News: Those who don’t have children would be neglected.

4:52 Saba Ahsan: Well, in such cases, their close relatives should be expected to take care of their physical needs, at least.

4:52 Aakriti Tripathi: Not having children wouldn’t mean that they do not have families.

4:53 Pranita Masand: If there are couples who have no children, there are also children without parents. Everyone in this world needs love and affection. We all need relationships to continue our survival in this world. Therefore, parents who do not have children can be given some love by children who are without parents. This way, both sides benefit emotionally. Also, of course, people have extended families, but then not everyone can rely on them.

4:55 Aakriti Tripathi: In fact, this is a thought in favour of old age homes. Some old age homes are able to provide for parents what children are not able to. Services such as instant care, attention, medical facilities and food that considers their dietary requirements. I believe old age homes could be encouraged but a law should restrict which family stands eligible to enrol. Children should be encouraged to care for their parents. They should not be obliged to care for their parents, they should be encouraged to do so.

- Compiled by Huda Tabrez/Community Web Editor