Opinion | Columnists
Stepping stones
A few short weeks ago, thrust into each other's company for hours on end without any escape route (and no, we weren't sharing a prison cell), a member of the extended family and I spent a lot of time talking: something we had never done devoid of the distraction of stove and children and work deadlines and travel schedules.
- By Cheryl Rao, Special to Gulf News
- Published: 23:51 August 22, 2008
A few short weeks ago, thrust into each other's company for hours on end without any escape route (and no, we weren't sharing a prison cell), a member of the extended family and I spent a lot of time talking: something we had never done devoid of the distraction of stove and children and work deadlines and travel schedules. It wasn't instant revelation for either of us, it wasn't really getting to know each other or discovering in each other qualities we hadn't seen before, but some things certainly left me openmouthed in wonder! I had long considered her one of the beauties of the family, so I was astounded to hear that the lady in question thought her looks were just run of the mill like the rest of us, though she conceded that she was attractive when made up - and she made the effort to be well groomed and tastefully dressed!
What's wrong with her, I mused. What does she see when she looks in the mirror? Her clothes? Doesn't she know that her face is the greater part of her fortune? The many light compliments and "looking good" I'd thrown her way over the years had been taken by her to mean the attire, not the entire package! And what's wrong with me, too, that I always imagined that she knew and never thought to tell her specifically? All these years, I'd thought she took the trouble to stay in shape and remain picture perfect because she knew she stood out from the crowd!
Long ago, when still very young and still in the process of becoming myself, when I was so secure in the circle of love and comfort of the family that I never dwelt on looks, someone told me I resembled some of the not so lovely icons of the time and someone else remarked on the "character" on my face, all a nice way of saying that I was no great shakes in the beauty department.
That should have been a big one to throw at a child who hadn't yet experimented - even secretly - with the lipstick and perfume on her mother's dressing table. It ought to have burned a bit in the deepest depths of my soul, but I can't recall that it did - instead, I just palmed it off on my genes and let all that "character" take over!
Ready in five minutes
Combs, brushes, hairstyles, nail polish, make-up, clothes, the latest in fashion - all the stuff of a normal teenager - fell by the wayside and I concentrated on what I enjoyed doing, however inane and irrelevant it appeared to others!
So I was always ready within five minutes flat for a trip to the slime and slush of the fish market or a picnic on a hill or the party of the year - with not much difference in the grooming or "look", I must admit! Those who disapproved at the standardisation of my clothes were rarely mollified by a careless, "Think about it, at least you won't mistake me for someone else," but I saved a lot of time and energy for things I thought were better and I also managed to indulge myself in a leisurely read while I waited for the others in the house, male and female, to finish primping and preening! In any case, I thought, all of 16 or 18 or a near-about philosophy-filled age, the external fades, the internal yields - we just do the best we can, the beautiful, the brilliant and the banal alike!
So if one little girl wasn't "pretty" enough to sing before the world or one stupendous man couldn't keep his focus when he was young, or another had 'psychological" problems because he couldn't let go of the umbilical cord - those quick labels we rush to bestow neither make nor mar - they are just the stepping stones to the discovery of oneself. And they probably make one better equipped to take later slings and arrows within one's stride.
Cheryl Rao is a journalist based in India.
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