Opinion | Columnists
Comparatively speaking
Have you grown up with a bit-by-bit dissection of body parts that most of us go through in most homes?
- By Cheryl Rao, Special to Gulf News
- Published: 23:03 December 19, 2008
Have you grown up with a bit-by-bit dissection of body parts that most of us go through in most homes?
Do you have Aunt Shyla's nose (attractively sharp, excessively hawkish or almost missing, whatever it may be) and Mother's build (dainty in her youth, comfortable in middle age), Grandpa's teeth (still there, so you don't know what anyone means) and Uncle Sami's hair (or is it the hairline which starts somewhere far, far over the globe with an abundant growth thereafter)?
Maybe you were the lucky one who got the best collection of good features from all sides of the family tree but still harbour a deep, dark, deadly secret - impatience, bad temper or something you don't want to admit you acquired by watching the near and not so dear!
Has your behaviour often been likened to Cousin Crabbity who could never take a joke, especially those aimed at him, or were you like Reba Recluse who refused to participate in family get togethers? Or were you like dear boy Anand who lived up to his name and was always genial and fun-loving but forgot to grow up?
Going by all the comparisons you hear over the years, you probably see yourself as a blob with eyes, nose, and other stray body parts roughly put together, and when you look in the mirror and see a person, you're pleasantly surprised. And it is a wonder that all the branding with different physical and psychological family traits from the Big Fat Indian Family has left you relatively unimpaired, without having to resort to the psychiatrist's couch to rid yourself of familial angst.
Given these misgivings, we should have been supportive of the supremely independent lady from one of the foreign branches of the family who refuses to let any of us talk about which family member her children resemble. Each one of them is unique and special, she says. So any attempt to liken one daughter's chin to someone's and the other daughter's eyes to someone else's has to be kept to ourselves until they are safely back in their adopted country! "Why be excessively protective of her children's individuality," we say, "no harm if they acknowledge a bit of commonality between us and them".
Easier
Possibly, most things are easier for us to accept when compared or contrasted with something a little better or a little worse. Then we get that good warm feeling that says, "You're not that badly off," or "You aren't that hard on the eye, there are others who are worse!" And if we run out of family to scour for stories more difficult than our own - which is rare given the range the average family spans, lengthways up and down generations, and breadthways encompassing the many degrees of cousins and in-laws -there's always the rest of our colony, a friend's friend, and many others whose problems we love to hear about.
So if I felt that I couldn't work any harder than what I'm doing now, I'm sure to run into someone who is run off her feet - and cheerfully so - and I get a fresh perspective on my organisational skills and competence and adaptability!
If I thought my fading acne marks are unsightly, there's poor Patricia whose scars seem to get darker with each passing year and no amount of powder and paste and foundation can camouflage them. And the absence of my pay cheque in these times of recession is bearable - when compared to what our 'neighbour' three houses away went through: the only earning member not only lost his job, he also had to shift out of the company flat in the middle of the school year...
Hard luck stories, it seems, make tough times less hard to take - and after a lifetime of them, comparisons serve to keep us content!
Cheryl Rao is a journalist based in India.
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