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'Thought of sex is always on my mind'

  • Posted by Moderator: Biju Mathew
  • Published 9:15 January 29, 2013

A reader who wishes to remain anonymous asks: I am a 28-year-old  unmarried man.

My problem is that I feel bored at work. Most of the time, I don’t enjoy the company of my colleagues. I have the urge to get out of office as early as possible and sometimes I get out of office early. Also, I have an increased libido drive. Thought of sex is always on my mind. Nowadays, I keep searching for porn videos and think of sex all the time. I am losing my concentration.

I want to get married as early as possible. Sometimes, while watching material that gives me sexual pleasure I indulge in tickling myself. After that, I feel energetic, but the next day I feel lazy again.

Please give me some tips to overcome this problem.

Karine Yazbek, (Clinical Psychologist, LightHouse Arabia, Dubai) replies: From what you are describing it looks like there are two main issues going on: Increased libido, which is leading to frequent need for sexual activities, and overall lack of motivation and energy that is manifested by decreased concentration and need for isolation.

The fact that you are unhappy at work adds to your other feelings a slight trait of depression, which you might be dealing with by developing addiction to sex (to manage your boredom).

I think you need to develop other alternatives than purely sexual because you run the risk of becoming addicted to it, especially porn movies and it will take away the possibility of finding other ways to cope with your discomfort.

When any activity becomes compulsive it can impair one’s functioning.

I suggest you limit your sexual activity and try to identify exactly what is going on in your thoughts.

If you are unhappy at work try to resolve what is not working or find another job.

Now, you could be unhappy because you are bored and want to isolate in order to indulge in sexual activity. If this is the case, try to establish a list of activities that you use to enjoy such as exercising, photography, reading etc... Try to set some objectives in your life that are healthy. This will help your mind switch focus from sexual activities to other tasks that are also pleasurable.

Increased libido might be associated with a mood disorder called bipolar disorder, so if you experiment periods when you feel your energy increases and sleep decreases, if you feel that you are spending much more money than usual or your self esteem is getting inflated it is preferable to seek professional help.

I hope I was able to help.

Write with your concerns to inmind@gulfnews.com and selected questions will be answered by a panel of qualified psychiatrists and psychologists. Your contributions will be modified for length and appropriateness, and will be open to other Gulf News readers to comment and suggest solutions. Let us know if you would like GulfNews.com to withhold your name from your letter should it be published.

Disclaimer: This blog is a conversation and is not an alternative for treatment. The recommendations and suggestions offered by our panel of psychiatrists are their own and Gulf News will not take any responsibility for the advice they provide.

Comments (8)

  1. Added 11:16 January 30, 2013

    Physical desire is there in most people and some people have it much more than othrs. It is absurd to suggest that going to gym and playing video games will make this natural desire disappear as one commentator has said. The OP has to marry and that is about the only solution

    Ali, Dubai, United Arab Emirates

  2. Added 08:45 January 30, 2013

    first and Fore most please get married. This is a legitimate way of getting rid of your sexual desires

    Faizan jawed, Dubai, United Arab Emirates

  3. Added 13:34 January 29, 2013

    Most of the MEN have this problem as you have. I hope its a natural call & due to some harmone issues. Your case is bad, before it gets worst, please seek medical help, else this problem will affect your future married life.

    Haja, Dubai, United Arab Emirates

  4. Added 11:12 January 29, 2013

    same is my problem , i try to make friends , meet them talk positive, go to gym , watch comedies, laughter is the best medicine. try to do charity , whatever religion u r , try to pray . Do not watch too much porn . being in optimum scale is good , after all sex is also a need for human beings. if possible marry , find a nice partner .This will reduce your stresses too.. :)

    amir, dubai, United Arab Emirates

  5. Added 11:05 January 29, 2013

    Why hasn't anyone told him to 'Get Married' and lead a family life? It's a part of life and it's a necessity in everyone's life.

    Chamlika, Sharjah, United Arab Emirates

  6. Added 10:32 January 29, 2013

    In my view you should get married asap and resolve your tension. There is no other wayout for this.

    khurram, Dubai, United Arab Emirates

  7. Added 09:45 January 29, 2013

    please some helping tips: 1- try to get time for pray at any cost 2- try to go / join Gym as soon as possible. 3- concentrate on your work, if you feel some bored in office atmosphere, just go little while with a colleague outside and refresh yourself. 4- dont think negative always be in positive mood. 5- spend some time in Video games. after this above tips, you will never feel bored or any sexual thinking.

    waqar, dubai, United Arab Emirates

  8. Added 09:44 January 29, 2013

    In my view boredom and lack of motivation is the source of the other problems. Find objectives and work your way up to them. Things that take time and perseverance, like sports or other skills (depending on your personality). Things that challenge you, push out the limits of your comfort zone. This provide you a structured context, that requires systematic activities and focus. It will feed your sense of accomplished and drive away your need of treating your boredom with sexual pleasure.

    S, Muscat, Oman

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