I'm talking about advice, people. One of the few things given gratis and without being solicited. So, why is it so hard to follow good or well-meaning advice? Does it depend on who is dishing it out? Parental counsel is anathema to most children who feel they know best. The phrase 'If I were you' is always heard with caution and a measure of scepticism for the simple reason that they are not you and have no idea what you are going through.
One of the most unpopular classes in the school where I studied was moral science, made even more undesirable by the fact that it was compulsory. Needless to say, there wasn't anything scientific in the dispensation of homilies which were so far removed from our lives and circumstances. As the nun tried her best to redeem our souls, the sole feeling was one of indifference. The topics chosen for discussion were irrelevant to our life experiences or so we thought. No effort was made to relate these abstract ideas to our everyday lives so our sense of detachment persisted throughout those drab lessons.
Then, at some point in time, I found myself on the other side of the fence, assigned to teach moral science to a batch of unruly 14-year-old boys who regarded this period as time to catch up with homework, reading or the latest board game. I took it up as a challenge. So, though I was compelled to follow the text book, a most unimaginatively crafted piece of prose, I decided to relate the dry as dust chapters to what interested them in life. Games and quizzes were devised and discussion on what they thought was right or wrong was encouraged. My greatest reward was when a parent told me that her son loved moral science classes. That's when I had an aha moment - that how one puts one's ideas across is what really matters.
Being tactful as well as sensitive to the feelings of the person in need of advice is vital. The next step is putting this into words. One has to choose these extremely carefully or else one might give the impression of being condescending or someone who thinks they know all the answers. A measure of humility doesn't hurt, something along the lines of 'I know I'm not in your shoes and only you know what you feel but perhaps...' just might work. The tone must be gentle, not gloating, and there mustn't be the slightest hint of 'I told you so'.
Discourse
One must make the person being advised feel as if they have arrived at the conclusion or decision you have just drawn, with a little bit of help from a friend. At the end of your discourse, the listener must feel as if you are merely reading their thoughts, voicing what they already knew deep down in their heart but weren't ready to acknowledge.
It is also easier to accept advice from someone whose opinion you respect. If you are really serious about receiving good counsel regarding something you consider important, you must be ready to be honest. Trying to justify what one did or make excuses for a course of action that hasn't really seen you in the best light is another way of saying that you don't really want to be told the truth. This is a time for some soul searching. How important is it to you to know if what you've done or are contemplating doing is the best possible decision you have made under the circumstances?
If you can answer that truthfully, then you are already halfway to being receptive to some good advice which will set you on the right path. The reason most of us dither or agonise over choices in life is because we want to be sure that what we are doing is right for us. Regret is something most of us indulge in but some introspection can make this exercise less painful as well as reduce our anxiety levels.
A last piece of advice? If you can't take it, don't give it.
