UAE | General

Counselling can help heal separation pangs

With divorce rates on the rise in the country, seeking professional aid could help families reconcile, expert says

  • By Iman Sherif, Staff Reporter
  • Published: 00:00 June 26, 2010
  • Gulf News

Counselling
  • Image Credit: Bhooma Srirangarajan/Gulf News
  • " Today, people do not think of marriage with the same level of importance as it was for their parents."- Lt Gen Dahi Khalfan Tamim Chief of Dubai Police

Abu Dhabi: A typical marriage starts happily. The couple are in love as they are thrilled to have found a partner in life. Unfortunately, many couples also experience the negative side of a marriage. Arguments replace tender moments, and fights become routine. After a while, living together becomes unbearable and couples decide to go their separate ways.

Divorce rate has risen among expatriates living in the capital, a senior official at the UAE Marriage Fund (MF) told Gulf News. Up to 32 per cent of Emirati's are affected by it within the first five years of their marriage.

"Up to 13.5 per cent of divorces among Emirati's are due to early marriages [15 to 19 years old]. The common reasons for the rising divorce numbers are financial, social and communications issues," said the MF official.

The current generation has become more independent and self reliant, explained the marriage expert. "Women's achievements in education and business have helped create a "can do" attitude. Men need their wives' financial contribution, yet expect a traditional wife."

The MF official suggested counselling prior to, during and post marriage. "Seeking professional help can save many families from a painful experience."

Dr Dolly Habbal, a clinical psychologist at Gulf Diagnostic Centre said the number of divorce clients has increased the past two years by 60 per cent.

"I see at least three cases for marriage counselling daily. Absence of dialogue, incompatibility between the couple, physical abuse, lack or insufficient physical relationship, cheating are factors behind the rise in divorce' rate… Parents must recognise that divorce severely impacts children mentally, physically and emotionally. Therefore, post divorce counselling is very important to deal with its effect on children."

During a lecture on the role of Civic education in security, Lieutenant General Dahi Khalfan Tamim, chief of Dubai Police, called for men to refrain from divorcing their wives and seek solutions to their broken, but probably reparable marriages.

"Today, people do not think of marriage with the same level of importance as it was for their parents. How can our children perceive the value of a family, and show respect to their parents, while the father is easily divorcing his mother. Nothing can ever be valuable to children who come from broken families," he added.

A Lebanese businessman, divorcee, Fadi (names changed) believes that continuous exposure to stressful environments drives people angry easily, and arguments spark any moment, adding pressure to the family.

"Couples don't know how to fight fairly. The notion that they are being criticised gets them highly offended, and results in resentment," he said. "They can no longer accept that a respectful argument can actually be healthy for a relationship," Fadi added.

Salwa, an Egyptian businesswoman agreed, adding that daily treatment, emotional and verbal abuse combined with short temper, have serious impact on women."

Gregory Gottlieb, a British project manager in the aviation sector, feels that people rush into marriage and rarely discuss their expectations in detail prior to marriage, and are less willing to work on their marriages afterwards.

"Couples would like quick solutions rather than having to exert effort to resolve issues," he said.

Hala, a Moroccan administrator working in education, blames high divorce rates on cultural differences. "Effective communication between a couple turns into a hard task, conflicts rise and lead to a divorce. Society looks at divorced women in a different way. "I was treated as if I had plague," she said. For Salwa, men approach divorced women labelling them as "easy".

"The minute a man is aware that I am divorced, they take it as an invitation which is very demeaning."

According to Nahla, a Syrian who's into marketing and has been divorced for three years, divorced women are instantly labelled as failures. "Women are automatically blamed for divorce; marriage failure falls on their shoulder."


Do you think conflicting expectations are causing couples to become disappointed early on in marriages? What do you think could be done to reduce the divorce rate?

Comments (5)

  1. Added 17:51 June 26, 2010

    There are many reasons for divorce. The main reason is there is no proper communication between the parties. Even if there is communication, one of the party will be very adamant with his or her views and arguments. In such cases, an independent third party's interference would be more helpful and convincing. Early marriage is also another important reason for divorce because at that age the boy and girl are not mature mentally to lead a family life. Financially they may be sound, but they may not know how to build a family relationship, what is the actual life, etc. Financial, faith, social, culture, custom have its own role in good marriage relationship. Proper education and counselling before and after marriage can improve the situation.

    Majeed KM, Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates

  2. Added 17:20 June 26, 2010

    Marriage is a union, a life long contract between two individuals from two different families brought up in a diffrent environments. So arguments and issues could be there. I think the first thing for a happy married life is the selection of your life partner. Try to find a partner who matches with your financial, educational and societial backgrounds. This would reduce chances of ego related issues in future. Treat marriage as a sacred contract and honestly adhere to the contract. your partner desrerves respect, your time, love and care. Dont marry for the sake of marrying if you cant spend even a few mintues in a day for your partner. Even if partner is away he can make the partner feel his love and care by a short SMS. Moreover respect your partner. Make your partner feel important to you. I think communication holds the key to sucessful marrigaes. Talk to your partner as your best friend .When arguments comes Try to surrender at times. All arguments are not won by shouting over the voice. Just listen and be silent. When the partner calms down speak softly and solve the issue. Try to find time to pray for the family.

    GEO FRANCIS, DUBAI, India

  3. Added 16:56 June 26, 2010

    i have always stressed, the two vices 'greed' & 'ego' have no solution. only the person can help herself/himself. everything else is reoncilable. provided the couple want to and they will only be willing, if there is a need - again the greed (personal need) has come in. and it is because of this, that the divorces are so frequent. the humans have become so self centered that they are not willing to give their love even, when infact they are also getting the benefit and the pleasure in exchange. they would rather pleasure themselves at fraction of the full value than give their love. all arguments presented in the article and by those who have commented are of the same principle - need and want. what ever happened to giving... giving for the sake of the Almighty. and sadly, the article spoke little on the healing part... except vaguley suggesting on the counselling side. while that is what the headline was. earlier, gulfnews had covered the pre-nuptial arrangement. even that did not focus on the longevity of the relationship. rather, more on the 'covering your backside' in the event of the collapse of the relationship. while i admit, most relationships these days are a business affair - scratch my back and i will scratch yours. but honestly, we need the focus and educate the couples to be on the giving and commitment side. this is the only thing that will certify longer marriages and happier homes. in the words of lt. dahi khalfan, the generation of today no longer values the relationship as much as the earlier generation. and we need to bring back this focus. this is what will ensure longer marriages, or better, permanent marriages. as for the healing part... while there is no doubt that the counselling helps, as in most life events, sadly, experience is the best ointment to the healing. the more experienced you are, the better your ability to understand and deal with the pain. infact, nothing really helps as much as time. while counselling makes one feel better temproraily, the actual desire of the broken heart is a magical wand which will repair the situation - magically. and the bitter fact here is that even this will not be enough, as the partner with the broken heart will never be able to trust the other partner to the earlier level again. the damage is done. and the only ointment is TIME

    MehdiRaza, Dubai, United Arab Emirates

  4. Added 14:05 June 26, 2010

    Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime... This world is like a mirror it reflects What you Do, so give the world best & the Best will Come Back to you..means Give your famly Best and the Best will come back to you..

    Mariam A. Mohammad, Pakistan , Pakistan

  5. Added 06:13 June 26, 2010

    Marriage is like a risky journey of crossing a rough sea on a small canoe. It takes a lot of co-operation, patience, tolerance, humility, and mutual appreciation and understanding. God has created every individual in the world, distinctly unique. When two people are united in marriage, it is not going to be an easy road to travel. Broken marriages were the norm in the western society, but that same social malady is spreading to the eastern countries. The city of Bangalore may have a higher divorce rate than New York. After a stressful day at work, many people run to parties, and family life is being reduced simply as a nominal entity. Since the women are employed, they are feeling very independent and ready to jump out of the boat to be free. Husband won't help the wives in any chores at home bcause of their male ego. Divorces are turning like an epidemic and the outcome created by the broken families is an army of broken hearted and problematic children. Great and mentally healthy chrildrean are brought up in strong and peaceful families.

    A.S.Mathew, Ringgold, United States

More from UAE General

  1. Own a little piece of Madonna

  2. New visa rules thrill cross-border couples

  3. School bus driver sacked for misbehaviour

  4. Meet new face of Dubai's breast cancer drive

All articles in General

More from UAE

Gulf News
Popular in UAE

More from UAE

Crackdown

Passports seized in Dish TV crackdown

Dubai airport

Swords, knives, fake guns seized in Dubai

India-Pakistan

New visa rules thrill cross-border couples

Latest news
Community Reports

More from Community Reports

Weather

More from Weather

Gallery

A pick of the best pictures taken by readers

Video

In the lanes of Deira Spice Souq