Parenting expert Andalene Salvesen helps families tackle sleeping, eating and behavioural issues among children up to 18 years of age. That’s why she is fondly called Super Granny in her native South Africa.
“I believe in transforming family dynamics by empowering parents, because sometimes all they need is a little guidance,” says the mother of four, grandmother of nine and author of two books — Raising Happy Healthy Children and A brand New Child in Five Easy Steps.
Salvesen’s defining skill is the astuteness with which she identifies problem areas and unlike British TV series’ Supernanny, she solves these by coaching parents instead of children.
“She empowers you by teaching you how to discipline children. She told us we have to be more consistent,” says Samar Nabulsi, mother of two and managing director of Big On Children store in Dubai. Nabulsi’s first encounter with Salvesen was after the birth of her second child when she sought Salvesen’s services and recently organised a breakfast with her at the store. “At one point I gave an instruction to my child seven times and Andalene told me she must listen the first time. Then she gave me the example of a child crossing a road and told me in a situation like that, seven times could be too late.”
Salvesen explains that though children maybe very clever they lack wisdom. You cannot give a child a position of authority when he has no wisdom.
“Children, especially smaller ones, need to learn to listen to parents not because they understand the instruction, but simply because you say so,” she tells tabloid! At the same time, parents must discipline children without scaring them into obedience because the main aim of parenting is to prepare a child for life.
In her 16 years of experience another common problem that she’s noticed among parents is they want to be friends with their children. “It’s important to treat children with respect, but how do you discipline when you are friends?”
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Tips
Salvesen’s tips on how to communicate effectively with children.
1 Show them who’s in charge — develop a healthy, mature attitude by recalibrating the role of the parent as an authority figure.
2 Do not give mixed signals — before speaking decide whether you want to give an option or an instruction.
3 Activate the rules of engagement — children should not be told, “you are naughty”, instead say, “you didn’t listen”. The child needs to understand that he is loved unconditionally but his action or attitude will not be accepted.
4 Be empathetic — the child’s initial anger at not getting his way will turn into sadness and disappointment. Connect with their feelings. You can say, “I know you are disappointed you did not get the iPad, but next time I am sure you will make better choices and finish your homework.”
5 Be consistent when disciplining — when they realize yes is yes and no means no, they will know exactly where they stand and build trust and confidence in the relationship and in themselves.
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A three-hour session with Salvesen is priced at Dh1,000; evening and weekend sessions cost Dh1,200; and 1-hour coffee consultation is for Dh350. She will be in Dubai from November 27 to December 22. To make an appointment, log on to munchkins.me. Her books are available at bigonchildren.com A three-hour session with Salvesen is priced at Dh1,000; evening and weekend sessions cost Dh1,200; and 1-hour coffee consultation is for Dh350. She will be in Dubai from November 27 to December 22. To make an appointment, log on to munchkins.me. Her books are available at bigonchildren.com
— Shahana Raza is a UAE-based freelance writer