1. After delivering the punchline someone asks, “Did you think that was good?”
2. The audience start texting or speaking on their phones mid-show.
3. You say that one-liner you’ve been practising in front of the mirror for hours, but instead of laughing, someone from the audience comments on the colour of your shoes.
4. You meet your friend backstage after the show and he asks you what you’re planning to do after comedy.
5. Someone from the audience gets up on stage, tries to take the mic and tell jokes himself, saying he can do it better.
6. People start talking and laughing. You may think you’re making them laugh, but really they’re making each other laugh.
7. If, mid-show, people plug in their headphones and listen to music on their iPods, it’s time to get off stage, quick.
8. A man from the audience comes up to you after the show to say how he misses the pool table that was removed to make space for the stage you’re standing on.
9. There is no reaction whatsoever from the audience. They just look blank and stare at you in amazement that you could be that bad.
10. If someone takes out a book and starts reading, it’s time to find a new career.