Don't stress it
Worrying about everything? Here's why you shouldn't stress it
If you're feeling tired, irritated, overworked, depressed, tense and disappointed possible you are suffering from stress.
But it's not always a bad thing, says Dr Raymond Hamden, clinical and forensic psychologist at the Human Relations Institute, Dubai.
“We would be dead without stress. It is with us all the time in some measure. Problems only arise when we have more or less stress than we can cope with.''
Because each individual tolerates a different level of anxiety, how one copes also varies.
“We may be unaware of stress but the more we become conscious of it, the better.
Here are a few common factors that lead to stress in women.
Health and appearance: A recent study found that only 32 per cent of female participants reported feeling satisfied with their appearance, according to Devika Singh psychologist and learning specialist Psychology Department at Dubai Herbal and Treatment Centre.
Physical appearance is a major source of stress for many women because we are “socialised'' to look well-groomed at all times.
“The media plays a role here as well by encouraging ideals of beauty that do not exist for the average woman,'' Singh explained. “So after being exposed to beauty advertisements, women may aspire towards a goal to look a certain way, which is unrealistic and often not healthy.''
This notion that attractiveness represents general good health, reproductive health or attracting a mate goes back a long time.
Today the fashion industry is under pressure to ban size zero models. These girls are not only airbrushed from top to toe but most likely have a BMI (Body mass index — measure of fat based on height and weight calculation) level that is below the norm.
“During times of stress, it is helpful to stop and ask where these expectations are coming from. Are they reasonable?'' Singh said.
Relationships: Remember the theory about men being from Mars and women from Venus? Well, this isn't as dramatic as that — but we do think differently most of the time!
“Let's look at brain differences for a moment. The left side of the brain is responsible for logic, reasoning and analytical thinking. And 80 per cent of males are left-brained. The right brain uses feeling to process information and focuses on social and familial relationships,'' Singh explained.
Research shows a number of women are right-brained, which explains why they focus more on relationships and emotions. So when a problem occurs, stress develops.
“That's not to say men don't experience stress when a relationship is in crisis. They do,'' she added.
Work: One of the main reasons why women tend to feel stressed at office is feelings of guilt for leaving their children. This creates conflicting feelings about the various roles they have to play. Of course, this depends on case to case.
“The research suggests that up to 65 per cent of working mothers feel guilty about leaving their children at home. This can lead to a great deal of stress and often over compensation in terms of material things and discipline,'' Singh said.
Dr Hamden said a burnt-out worker tends to withdraw emotionally from the demands of the job.
“Although much effort has been expended to treat burnt-out workers with stress-reduction techniques and to restructure work environments, burnout is just beginning to be addressed as a research problem,'' he added.
Workshops, in-service training, life planning, evaluation and psychotherapy can all help prevent or help one cope with office stress.
Finance: This is a growing problem for the majority of the global population, due to the present crisis.
Job insecurity, salary cuts and redundancy are all issues that can lead to immense feelings of stress.
The other reasons include lack of fairplay when it comes to paycheques, because females tend to still be paid less for the same position as her male colleague.
Family: Because females tend to be right-brained, the need to evaluate family issues is priority.
“When females experience distress in areas such as marriage, children and siblings, they are likely to see this as a reflection of their ability and their responsibility to address and resolve,'' Singh said.
She added that socialisation also plays a major role where females are taught to be caretakers and givers. If they feel things are not going as well as expected — they will feel all the more anxious.
Prolonged stress can be a leading factor in headaches, gastric disorders, cardiovascular dysfunction, infertility, arthritis and insomnia.
However, as research continues, the list is expected to get much longer.
Stress may propel us to our best but we still need a break
We know that when our computer locks up, it's time to turn it off and then reboot. It's a lot harder to realise sometimes that we need to do the same thing to ourselves, says Austin-based leadership trainer Chris Douglas.
Douglas is the founder of Quest Seminars (www.quest-leadership.com). He has conducted workshops on topics such as leadership, stress management and conflict resolution for clients such as Apple and Motorola.
He says stress management doesn't mean we're always relaxed, some stress improves our performance but we can't pressure ourselves indefinitely.
He talks about why hitting the pause button can be the most productive thing to do.
- Stress makes us more focused and that makes us worse listeners. If you notice you're feeling stressed, it probably means you also need to make sure you're hearing what other people are saying, instead of going on the defensive.
We're more likely to feel like a victim if we're under stress, Douglas adds. That makes us less likely to see the role of our own behaviour in a problem.
And we might suspect the worst of others. “We tend to attribute malevolent motives to other people more when we're under stress,'' he says. On a normal day, you might realise that your co-worker is being standoffish because her kids have been sick. On a stressful day, you may think her behaviour means she's mad at you. - Listen to your body. It sends signals such as a headache or stomach ache when you're under too much stress. The problem comes when we ignore those signs.
“Our bodies are giving us a lot of feedback,'' Douglas says. “To ignore that would be akin to ignoring a light on your dashboard telling you there's a problem.'' - De-stressing doesn't take long. You may think stress management is synonymous with something time-consuming, such as a yoga or meditation class. Those things are great, Douglas says, and he does recommend them.
“But most people can't take that kind of a break in the middle of the day,'' he says. In his seminars, he likes to teach quicker stress-busting tips, such as a breathing techniques.
Inhale to a count of 4, hold that breath for a count of 7 and then exhale to a count of 8. It doesn't take long and you don't have to leave your desk.
“The biggest challenge is that when we're in the heat of a busy day, it's less likely that we're going to do things like that,'' he adds.
Build stress management into your day by, for example, setting reminder alarms to do a breathing exercise or to get up and take a walk.
— By Sarah Lindner/New York Times News Service
Stress busters
The first step is to ask yourself whether you are expecting to accomplish things because they have been successful before or if there is a way that works for you and the family.
“Stress has led to increased health problems in females. It is important to say ‘no','' Singh said. This can be a challenge for females who are socially trained to be givers and caretakers.
But accepting that it is OK to say “no'' sometimes, will lead to you feeling more in control and less stressed.
