Dubai: A one-time painter and decorator who worked his way up from Non-League football to the England team: It might sound like a Roy of the Rovers-type tale, but for former English Premier League footballer Jimmy Bullard, every young boy’s dream became reality.
The old adage that it’s better to travel hopefully than to arrive, couldn’t be truer in the midfielder’s case, though, as the East End boy-done-good found life at the top a bitter disappointment.
As documented in his recent autobiography ‘Bend it like Bullard’, former England coach Fabio Capello barely spoke to him on his 2008 call-up, and his teammates kept themselves to themselves.
For an everyman like Bullard, 35, who thrived on banter and camaraderie at his club sides Wigan, Fulham and Hull, the measured tone of international football came as a shock, and he would never go on to earn his cap.
“No one grabbed me and said: ‘Come on, Jimbo, you look bored out of your head here,’” Bullard told Gulf News. “If I was captain, I wouldn’t let anyone sit in their rooms, I’d be dragging boys out. But I can’t even remember who the captain was, that’s how embarrassing it was.”
From filling up teammates’ cars with wheelie bins full of water through the sunroof, to running up huge hotel bills using his coach’s room number, Bullard knew his antics at club level would never translate well in the England dressing room. But he found one ally in former Tottenham winger David Bentley, with whom he supplemented Capello’s strict early mealtimes with late-night McDonald’s runs.
The pair also dared one another to see who could sing the ‘Postman Pat’ theme tune the loudest in front of Capello, who Bullard says bears a striking resemblance to the British children’s television character.
“Capello was a harsh man, hard to get along with,” he added. “There was no: ‘Hello Jimmy, how you doing son?’ He wasn’t like a normal bloke, like what I’d been brought up with, it was hard work.
“I didn’t learn a lot from him I’ll be straight with you; there were one or two things he said that were quite Non-League-ish.”
In one of few interactions between player and coach, Capello asked Bullard why he wasn’t getting on the ball more in training.
“I didn’t agree. I had probably got on the ball the most out of midfield and the pitch was 30x30. When I’m playing on an 80x80 pitch I’ve got more space to lose my man, he won’t be able to live with me with my fitness. Judge me over a bigger pitch. You don’t play football on a 30x30, do you?”
Besides their technical difference, Bullard said the atmosphere just didn’t feel right under Capello.
Bullard, who scored 47 times in 342 appearances during his career between 1998 and 2012, explained: “I just felt it was all too serious. I love banter and I like being around the boys, I’m not saying everyone does, but as a coach I’d rather have ten lads who like to have a laugh than six unsociable ones.
“It’s OK if you’re playing an individual sport, you can be your own man out there, but you’ve got to play with those other individuals, it’s a team game. I don’t think it’s a great thing being down in your room and not saying a lot. I think that’s where we’ve [English players] struggled a bit to be honest. We’re quite individual when we get the ball and it shows.”
Bullard’s revelations come off the back of QPR boss Harry Redknapp’s post-World Cup claims that while he was Tottenham coach, players would often feign injury to avoid England duty. And while Bullard would never have done that, it does beg the question as to whether players actually enjoy national team duty.
“You’re not silly, are you? You can see it’s difficult, you can see it’s not right, it’s all a bit strenuous and uncomfortable. Players don’t want to have interviews and they are not having a laugh.”
Bullard says current England coach Roy Hodgson was the same. While Bullard never played under Hodgson for England, he did at Fulham and said the atmosphere was similar to the tense one that prevailed under Capello. On one occasion, Hodgson told Bullard off for laughing on the Monday following a Saturday defeat.
“Laughing on a Monday? Come on, gaffer, when can I laugh again? When’s too soon? I play better for you on a Tuesday night if I have a laugh on a Monday. You don’t want me sobbing on a Monday, I won’t come in, that’s how I am.
“People say: ‘Show it hurts.’ I’ll show you it hurts, I ran 14km on Saturday and I couldn’t breathe come Saturday night. Now it’s Monday and you want me to show it hurts? Showing isn’t real. I haven’t got to show anything.
“I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry around Hodgson, I was a bit funny around him.”
For years, the English press have alluded to divisions in the England dressing room, where players would only socialise with their respective clubmates.
But for Bullard, things weren’t even that good.
“It was everyone for themselves. A little bit of me doesn’t want to say it because it’s your country, but I didn’t want to come back after two weeks.
“That’s what I’ve strived for all my life — to play for my country — and I don’t want to come back after two weeks with you miserable lot, that ain’t right, is it? And I wasn’t the only one. My mate [the former England and Tottenham winger] David Bentley finished football entirely. He’s had enough of the whole lot of yous.”
Like Bentley, who quit football last year aged just 29 citing disillusionment with the game, Bullard — who was forced to retire through injury in 2012 aged 34 — admitted to similar reservations with the modern game.
“I was a little bit gutted and it wasn’t because I didn’t play, this isn’t sour grapes. It was the biggest achievement of my life getting an England call-up, I just wish there had been more banter.
“You’ve got to go out and have a laugh, Gazza [ex-midfielder Paul Gascoigne] did, [former striker Gary] Lineker did, they all had a bit of banter, had a drink and got a slap on the wrist, we’re all men.
“The press haven’t helped us. There’s too much pressure on players. It wasn’t like that in the 1980s and 1990s, the Gazzas, [Chris] Waddles and [Glenn] Hoddles had mates in the press. [Manager] Bobby Robson knew, he wouldn’t say anything. ‘As long as you produce for me, it’s all right. Don’t produce for me and I’ll give it to you.’ – that’s fair enough. Do it now and you’d get a flight home — all I did was have a Big Mac. That’s out of hand if you ask me.”
Through it all, Bullard said he stayed true to himself.
“The higher up I got, the more serious it was,” he said. “I don’t know whether that was football in general progress, but on the other hand you can say: ‘Stop moaning Jim, you’re picking up 50 grand a week at Hull’.
“But I didn’t play football just to pick that up. It’s lovely, don’t get me wrong and yeah, I’m going to carry on doing it, but if could have taken half the salary to have more of a laugh, I would have done.
He went on: “The higher up I got, the less people cared about you. I used to love Peterborough and my old boss Barry Fry, but by the time I finished with Fulham and Hull, I hated them. What’s that about? That ain’t right, is it? And that’s because of money.”
“People will say: ‘Jim, you should be more professional — dancing on a bar at his age, that’s ridiculous.’ But I didn’t play football to be more professional. I want to be the same player at Gravesend to the player I am now. I always maintained that, I never changed.
“I always played football as if it was a kick-about with mates. I didn’t care if I got booked. I would have rather won than lost.
“But if I lost 4-0 on Saturday, I was over it by Monday.”
