The year started on a wry note for specialised television addicts like me when Madhur Jaffrey declared most of her contemporaries rude. “I couldn’t be that rude, if only because I would not like it done to me. That said, I do swear from time to time, but only in a very quiet voice,” she told Radio Times.
I say ‘specialised’ because I spend all my television time watching cooks and chefs, but I have none of Jaffrey’s qualms.
Reruns of the masters such as Julia Child and Delia Smith are rare, if any. Feeding off Food Network, BBC Lifestyle and Fatafeet, I now have a contemporary collection largely classified as teachers, entertainers, pretenders and hog washers. Rick Stein and Gary Rhodes are avuncular and they will teach you about cooking. Raymond Blanc is also a teacher, but avuncular only on occasion.
Nigella Lawson’s cooking now comes second to her flirting and Sophie Grigson’s to her muumuus and bizarre outfits. I study the two leading ladies’ dresses, not their dishes. If you want to learn how to make desserts, watch James Martin. If you want to learn how desserts are made, watch Eric Lanlard. Yes, there is a difference.
If you wish to know the basics of food, watch Alton Brown, and for the complexities of grilling, Bobby Flay. If you love healthy food, watch Lisa Lillien (Hungry Girl) or Ellie Krieger; I don’t. Watch Luke Nguyen to learn about Vietnamese cuisine and Ching-He Huang about Chinese. Don’t watch Dubai visitor Reza Mahammad to learn about Indian cuisine.
Martha Stewart knows everything about baking, but whether viewers learn anything after watching her shows is not known. Annabel Langbein’s Free Range Cook is an endearing format and Jamie Oliver has endless ones. Here are my monikers for quick reference: Posh French — Laura Calder, Homely French — Trish Deseine, Posh Italian — Giada De Laurentiis, Homely Italian — Rachel Ray, Extra Homely Italian — Lidia Bastianich. I have to mention Paula Deen, Emeril Lagasse and Guy Fieri in a space dedicated to TV chefs, so I just did.
Ainsley Harriott’s meals may be ready in minutes, but some time is spent in jigging and juggling. I enjoy watching the Hairy Bikers bumble around the world. I almost died when Keith Floyd did in 2009, but I never miss any repeats of his shows.
Much comfort is offered by a rotund cook. Throw in a heart-warming smile, admissions of doubt and a very vast repertoire, and Ina Garten gets my vote for the world’s best television chef. Watch any episode of Barefoot Contessa and you will agree.
— The author is quite sure she’ll never cook on television, and so, can be rude in an unquiet manner.