Avoid jargon: When writing a statement of purpose the temptation to use big, impressive words is often irresistible. Glenn M. Callaghan, Department of Psychology, San Jose State University, advises, “It should be objective yet self-revelatory. Write directly and in a straightforward manner that talks about your experience and what it [the admission] means to you. Do not use jargon.” Along with jargon, Callaghan bans filler words such as significant, remarkable, stimulating and appealing.
He urges you to remember that your audience is made up of faculty members who are experts in their fields. “They want to know that you can think as much as what you think,” he says.
Edit, re-edit: According to the graduate division of University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA), it is a good idea to have advisors, professors, faculty letter writers and people from different disciplines proofread your statement of purpose. Advice at UCLA also says, “Do not expect your first statement of purpose draft to be perfect. Keep writing, put it away for a few days, and edit later.”
Amusingly, it talks about the yawn effect. “Don’t tell me you are passionate and a hard worker, show me how you are and what you did.”
Be yourself: Vince Gotera, English Language and Literature Dept., University of Northern Iowa, advises those applying to pay attention to the first paragraph and avoid being boring. While cautioning against coming across as glib or slick, Gotera says, “Tell stories (briefly). Use vivid language. Be specific. Be dynamic. Liven up a moment in the lives of those five professors trapped with those 500 applications. Maybe 600. Maybe more.”
If it helps, imagine yourself in a room with those people. Try reading out the statement. Are you embarrassed or unable to pronounce the words? Are you bored?
“Don’t write your application in haiku. Don’t put in photos. Just be yourself, but a more heightened version of yourself in words (since face-to-face nuance and gestures won’t be there to help),” he writes on the university’s website.
