Size, t-shirts and bad memes

I’m twice the person you are. Literally. I’m a big guy. I haven’t needed help reaching the top shelves in supermarkets since I was 12. I wear a size 47 shoe. In my hands, Samsung’s supersized Note II — which is almost 6-inches long — looks normal. I can’t wear any of the new wearable gadgets like the FitBit Flex or the NikeFuel for the simple reason that they don’t make wrist bands for people with 9-inch wrists.

And in my world, I’m not tall or big. It’s the rest of you who are short and puny. But there are certain realities that we normal folks have to put up with, such as the annoying tendency of stores to label obviously undersized garments as “extra-large.” Some stores are worse than others. Even back in my uber-fit days when I could bench press a small car after running it down, the only way I was going to be able to wear any of Abercrombie and Fitch’s clothing was if I wrapped it around my head. Has it ever bothered me? Meh. The power to open my own bottles and see over the top of the crowds at the mall is a fair trade off for not being able to wear some over-priced T-shirts.

So I was somewhat surprised when Abercrombie and Fitch CEO, Mike Jeffries, was named the newest “Public Enemy No. 1” on internet forums this past weekend. Jeffries, who is middle-aged, chubby and lacks any resemblance to Chris Hemsworth, Christian Bale (but only in full Batman regalia) Misha Collins — or anyone else my wife tells me is hot these days — found himself at the centre of an internet-based controversy over comments he made in — get this — 2006. It’s proof again that regardless of how long ago you may have said something, it’s always “today” on the internet.

Why Jeffries’ comments — he said he didn’t want fatties wearing the Abercrombie and Fitch brand because the clothing was designed for cool kids — are coming to light now is unknown. It was probably something as mundane as someone stumbling across the original article when they were bored one evening, becoming offended, and then deciding to make a meme, a staple of internet humour that usually combines a silly picture with some equally silly slang. Jeffries is now the subject of a uncountable number of memes that are just as ugly, heartless and ultimately irrelevant as the Abercrombie and Fitch “no fat people” policy. Irony is lost on the internet.

How this will play out in the end for the company remains to be seen. Will the company be forced to react to comments made seven years ago? Will Internet bullying force change at the “cool kid’s” store? Will anyone give a crap by this time next week when the next OMG DIAF moment happens? Remember F******e Von Clownstick? The meme-monsters dropped him like a hot potato when Jeffries showed up.

Certainly, if it wasn’t for the weird time warp effect of cyberspace, this would be Abercrombie and Fitch third PR screw-up in recent memory. There first was a T-shirt with “Two Wongs can make it White” written on it. The company thought it would play well in the Asian community. It didn’t.

Then during a launch of a Hollister store (Hollister is a brand of Abercrombie and Fitch) in South Korea, models hired to promote the opening of the store used Twitter to send racist tweets, one which mocked the local’s English. Company execs apologised, saying company policy was to be inclusive – except when you’re fat, apparently. This is apparently a company that doesn’t learn.

Provoking an avalanche

But while I’m certainly no fan of either Abercrombie and Fitch, Jeffries or Hollister (and by the way, I have a axe to grind with Hollister, which is not some beach community set in Southern California like the company tells you; it’s a Northern California town south of the Silicon Valley known for earthquake faults running through the middle of town and inspiring movies about motorcycle riots. I’m serious. Look it up) but I am becoming a little concerned over the online reaction.

Because if anything has become apparent, it’s that the Internet is full of territorial, elitist jerks who hate nothing more than the opinions of the territorial, elitist jerks of the real world, and even the slightest provocation later the former will provoke an avalanche of memes, tweets and acronym-filled posts that will require an UrbanDictonary.com search to figure out just how badly they’re been insulted.

I’d like to say the Internet used to be such a civil place, but, well, it is – and probably always will be - just like the real world in many ways: Full of people who go ape-faeces-throwing mad because someone didn’t share their point of view. I have only one thing to say to everyone involved. OMG DIAF.